One memory that constantly haunts me and leaves me so confused is one when I lived with my mom. I remember when I would get upset it would be hard to handle me sometimes. I guess you can say I would have tantrums. I would get so upset and when people do not listen to my concerns and treat me I am being difficult it gets frustrating. I was living at my moms with my ex fiance. We got into a fight because all he wanted to do is play video games all day and I wanted to go on a date.
After a while of debating and him refusing to hear me out I got so frustrated and started crying and pacing back in forth. I yelled at him a little bit about how we never go anywhere and I felt coup up in a little room. He still would not listen. I curled up into a ball and just started crying, this would always make him mad. He picks me up by the wrist and I tried to pull away. I knew I couldn't I never could. Sometimes I would fight back, but at this point I learned it just caused more damage. So I just tried to pull away.
He began dragging me down the stairs roughly. I hit every step on the way down. My mom was at the bottom of the stairs and for a second I thought she had come to my rescue. Maybe at last someone has some to my rescue. But no, I look up at her as he drags me down the last steps and she says "Good she deserves it." It was like a stab to the heart.
Then he opens the front door and throws me hard on the cement and locked the door. I sat and cried, then after a while just sitting there I went for a walk barefooted. Until he felt I had the right to enter my mothers home again.
I know its difficult to deal with me sometimes. I feel so bad for being a burden on the people I love. I just do not know how to digest this. Did I deserve this? I mean he did not hit me. He just threw me out. Those words stick with me. A mother is suppose to protect their children, but I was not worth protection.
Sometimes I wonder was she scared is that why she sided with him. He was 6.7 and we under 5.5, even if she did stand up to him it could've made things worst. IDK how to feel about it. When I remember this, it makes me feel like it was all my fault.
After a while of debating and him refusing to hear me out I got so frustrated and started crying and pacing back in forth. I yelled at him a little bit about how we never go anywhere and I felt coup up in a little room. He still would not listen. I curled up into a ball and just started crying, this would always make him mad. He picks me up by the wrist and I tried to pull away. I knew I couldn't I never could. Sometimes I would fight back, but at this point I learned it just caused more damage. So I just tried to pull away.
He began dragging me down the stairs roughly. I hit every step on the way down. My mom was at the bottom of the stairs and for a second I thought she had come to my rescue. Maybe at last someone has some to my rescue. But no, I look up at her as he drags me down the last steps and she says "Good she deserves it." It was like a stab to the heart.
Then he opens the front door and throws me hard on the cement and locked the door. I sat and cried, then after a while just sitting there I went for a walk barefooted. Until he felt I had the right to enter my mothers home again.
I know its difficult to deal with me sometimes. I feel so bad for being a burden on the people I love. I just do not know how to digest this. Did I deserve this? I mean he did not hit me. He just threw me out. Those words stick with me. A mother is suppose to protect their children, but I was not worth protection.
Sometimes I wonder was she scared is that why she sided with him. He was 6.7 and we under 5.5, even if she did stand up to him it could've made things worst. IDK how to feel about it. When I remember this, it makes me feel like it was all my fault.
