Hi guys, I hope you're all well. I haven't logged in for a while, as things were going better for me, but over the past two months my PTSD has gotten a lot worse. I'm having at least 3 or 4 flashbacks a day, nightmares etc... So I'm kind of at my wits end. Because of the flashbacks I've been getting very panicked about leaving the house, and obviously because I get anxious & stressed I trigger myself. A lovely catch 22 I think most of us find ourselves in!!
Today I was out, and I triggered myself because I was so scared about leaving the house and seeing other people (ew, humans). It was odd though, because instead of my normal flashbacks I got this weird movie reel of my abuse, my sisters abuse, the police interviews I had to do, seeing my sisters suicide attempts etc, and then when that was finished I felt very odd indeed. I had a very strange headache, that made me feel like my brain was floating, and when people tried to speak to me it sounded like they were very far away. I felt like I was walking on squishy marshmallow, and that I was in a dream world, where my actions didn't have consequences. I didn't quite recognise my family or where I was. I was like that for over an hour, and when I felt normal again, it was like I'd been dreaming. Very strange indeed!!
My sister suffers from D.I.D, and as I help care for her, I know a lot about dissociation. I was wondering if my episode today was me dissociating? My Mum reckons it was, and so does my sister (with D.I.D), but I wanted a second opinion from you guys :) I'm really, really hoping you'll all say I'm absolutely fine. My Drs & therapists are quite certain that I'll start suffering from dissociation soon (because of all the different traumas I've experienced), and I'm so scared of it happening! So I really hope this is just a one off and not the start of a horrible dissociative spiral.
Thanks for listening... Sorry I driveled on! Take care, Lolly xox
Today I was out, and I triggered myself because I was so scared about leaving the house and seeing other people (ew, humans). It was odd though, because instead of my normal flashbacks I got this weird movie reel of my abuse, my sisters abuse, the police interviews I had to do, seeing my sisters suicide attempts etc, and then when that was finished I felt very odd indeed. I had a very strange headache, that made me feel like my brain was floating, and when people tried to speak to me it sounded like they were very far away. I felt like I was walking on squishy marshmallow, and that I was in a dream world, where my actions didn't have consequences. I didn't quite recognise my family or where I was. I was like that for over an hour, and when I felt normal again, it was like I'd been dreaming. Very strange indeed!!
My sister suffers from D.I.D, and as I help care for her, I know a lot about dissociation. I was wondering if my episode today was me dissociating? My Mum reckons it was, and so does my sister (with D.I.D), but I wanted a second opinion from you guys :) I'm really, really hoping you'll all say I'm absolutely fine. My Drs & therapists are quite certain that I'll start suffering from dissociation soon (because of all the different traumas I've experienced), and I'm so scared of it happening! So I really hope this is just a one off and not the start of a horrible dissociative spiral.
Thanks for listening... Sorry I driveled on! Take care, Lolly xox
