Did I Just Step In It Or Am I Helping?? My Complicated Family...

[Srain]

My Brother called me today about an issue that I somehow avoided to get involved in last year because it seems like I tend to be his "go to person" only when he needs something. It's hurt my feelings severely since I was a child especially since he bailed on me over and over for other family member especially when I did confrontation of our father and the will, our older brother, grandmother, and possible court appearance came into play. But the very worst was when my children became involved but I'm not going into that here.

Today he called and said he was still battling with this issue, I knew I could help because I know the steps surrounding it. He knew I could help because my mother had told him I did, he didn't tell me nor did she but from the fact that he was calling told me.

For anyone else I would jump on it immediately but held off on him last time because he had been a dick concerning the place I had been with our mother and not visiting unless she was there too. So up to speed...despite the fact I have a trip to prepare for, I said to send along the information and I would handle it but I was clear that outside of the initial handling I would send him the follow-thru info to go from there.

I guess I'm just wondering if I stepped into it with him or did help. It's taken me years to stop rescuing him and years to see him as man not a "kid". He has done well for himself and I feel like I've gotten past the old stuff. I know he is not who I had always thought he was but I love him just the same.

Just wondering out loud,
Rain

 

[Meadowsweet]

I said to send along the information and I would handle it but I was clear that outside of the initial handling I would send him the follow-thru info to go from there.

It's obviously difficult to understand the situation as well as you do. But the quote above seems like a well balanced compromise.

 

[Srain]

Well, I didn't get an email from him by this morning. Blech, I have been over-thinking this and going to places I should not, places not healthy for me.

I decided to pull out my old laptop (the top is coming off- score one for the walking destroyer!) and try to retrieve my information and just email it to him. It was SUCH A FREAKING NIGHTMARE!! I must be splitting into a symptomatic place because I somehow managed to screw up transferring data onto a memory stick by changing how it's read on my new computer! I messed with it awhile but I know when "I have eyes but I cannot SEE" so I stopped and decided to try to send the info through my email off the old computer. After updating the virus protection I tried to get into my email but managed to lock myself out of there...:banghead: So I just stopped for a minute because I couldn't see around what I was doing and the stupid top kept falling off and it's LOUD! Sheesh.

I decided to get on this laptop after doing a few chores and rethinking it. I did some fresh research and chose to send along that to him with a note saying if there was anything else let me know, all my love.

I know he is super busy but sometimes he doesn't listen, hopefully he knows I was trying and then this way I don't have to go to a dark place about the whole thing or question motives.

Does this sound reasonable to anyone??

Rain

 

[Queen Boudica]

Sounds very reasonable. He has asked you for help, you have given him information that he can help himself with. You are not pushing anything onto him he is not asking for money or too much time from you, just some information (from what I understand). Sounds reasonable to me.

 

[Srain]

Thank you both. I don't do well not fall into old ways with family especially when stressed. I appreciate both of you looking it over and giving feedback.

I have heard nothing back and probably won't. I have tried calling in the past to follow up on things or even texting and gotten no response so I haven't bothered this time simply because I didn't want to get worked up about it. *Breathe*

Thanks again, you've helped simply by reading and more by being the insightful people I've come to know.
:hug:

Rain

 

[Meadowsweet]

I know he is super busy but sometimes he doesn't listen, hopefully he knows I was trying and then this way I don't have to go to a dark place about the whole thing or question motives.

What matters is that you know that you tried and that you put in a lot of effort to help.

When I'm scared of how others might take something, I find it helps to get what I intended straight in my head. Then if others are critical or making accusations, I'm less likely to fall to pieces and accept what they think of me. I hope that makes sense.

 

[Queen Boudica]

Yes, I wouldn't call or check up. It is up to them to respond. You have done well.

 

[Srain]

Apparently he had changed his email address and didn't get the one I sent but rather had sent his info later on that day. I missed his voice mail while I was out and when I checked it all I felt sunk.

Yesterday I spent hours coming over information trying to put together exactly what needed to be done and it's far more convoluted than I thought when speaking with him and just as sticky as I knew it would be when he called last year. He's a smart guy and for him to not want to do his own research told me it was going to be involved.

After speaking with my husband, reading what you've written here, and not wanting to do some hack job, I'm going to call him today and explain I can send him the additional information I've found but at this time, I'm not comfortable moving forward.

Selfishly, I want to begin focusing on what I need to do and being split like this I'm afraid I'll make errors. I'm angry at myself for having not just told him from the start that now was not a good time, this is entirely my fault.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Please don't beat yourself up over it Srain.

It's a difficult decision to put yourself first and weigh up what other peoples reactions will be, whether it's worth it etc.