Did you regret throwing out your journals?

[Sideways]

I’ve made the tough decision to move. My new place will be smaller, which is cool, because it’s a legitimate reason to throw out as much stuff as I possibly can.

My mum (who knows me pretty well) is concerned that I’m getting rid of too much stuff. I’ve been on a fairly obsessive “shed everything” trip for a while, and donated a couple of trailer loads of stuff to charity. There isn’t much left I can throw out. My life is pretty much reduced to a cupboard and set of shelves.

In the back of my mind is my ever-present SI. Less stuff means less stuff for others to go through and clean out when I suicide. There’s also an increasingly obsessive need to have my home space completely clean, ordered and under control.

One of the hopes is that moving out of the ghetto into a building with good security will improve my mental health. Having a life, and a home that feels like ‘me’ may become more important?

One of the last things I can shed is my journals. I’m considering keeping the ones that contain evidence of my abuse, and throwing out the rest. I’ve been keeping journals since I was a kid.

Thoughts? Good idea or really unhealthy? Mum says no, but I’m thinking that tossing them is like tossing away all the bad years. Which may be really cathartic. And really they’re just junk.

Has anyone thrown away journals? In retrospect, was it a positive experience or a mistake?

 

[Chris-duck]

Has anyone thrown away journals? In retrospect, was it a positive experience or a mistake?

I kept journals from 6 to 22ish. I have binned them as I went along (binned 6-19 when I moved). I read through them all before I binned them but decided it was too much crap to carry around as I moved place to place

I regretted it when I had a police case going on, but in my normal life I don't think much about it. I'm glad I don't have them because I won't ever take anything to police again but if I was gonna I'd want that "at the time" evidence. As it stands I'm pretty glad they're gone.

 

[ladee]

No, I kept journals from the time I was 17 until sometime in my 50's. The only ones I kept were when I was doing my inner child work. And eventually, I threw them away too.

I started to question why I was carrying around all that pain. Was it proof of my existence? I also had the SI thoughts of less for someone else to deal with.

Keep what you feel you need to. You can always toss them later if you want. But it was very cathartic for me. I was able to burn mine. It helped me to 'move on'.

 

[FauxLiz]

I have been journaling since a kid and at nearly 50 I still have all of them. The only times I have ever considered getting rid of them is when deep in SI, not sure why I keep them I don't re-read them but have not really seriously considered getting rid of them.

 

[Cypress]

I kept a journal from age 13-15 during a time when I was hospitalized for a year and having intensive treatment afterwards. I left that part of me behind and could not bear to look at them again but also could not throw them away. 10 years ago in a cleaning frenzy during a big move, I tossed them and did not regret it until I start therapy again 6 months ago. I wish I had them now.

 

[Alli D87]

I've been told I might feel better if I throw away my journals from abuse time but just like you said, it's my "evidence"... I can't throw it away...

 

[Ronin]

I'd tossed the journals but not the information.

Ultimately not very useful / with authorities usually not an issue of evidence, they had the evidence years long, caring for that lair of crime entirely different thing. But validating for me. Useful for dealing with dissociation, too.

I usually mind what is going on when getting into throwing things en masse ideation, because it is rarely just space question.

 

[Sideways]

I usually mind what is going on when getting into throwing things en masse ideation, because it is rarely just space question.

This is the issue.

I’d like to rationalise that, “well I’m moving home in a few weeks, and...”.

But that’s an excuse. The reason is harder. Shrinking the footprint of my existence. Which is mood related. Possibly there’s a deeper self-loathing issue. “Mood related” is more palatable though.

 

[Lucycat]

I have kept all mine. I can't tell you when I last opened one - I choose not to, but somehow I could not throw them out. I am not sure why, but maybe if I crash again sometime they might help to remind me that I have climbed out before. They contain the good and the bad.

 

[Lionheart]

My physical journals from the past 16 years were thrown out. I didn't need them anymore as most of it was negative. It was an awful lot of private stuff that I didn't want out there floating around, so they were ripped up and tossed in the trash. I am still journaling though and find it to be one of the single most helpful tools that I have. I have not regretted trashing the old journals.