Didn't Remember Her Face

[Intrepid]

When I was 13 years old my English teacher read a story about a girl remembering her mother's face. I tried to put myself in the girl's shoes, but couldn't. I couldn't remember my mother's face. I thought hard and could piece together a portrait, but nothing I had any feelings about. It was like looking at a found photo.

Truth is, I hadn't looked at my mom's face since I was 5 years old. That's when the abuse began. I am coming to believe that my not seeing her face even though I was around her every day had a big affect on me. My therapist said I need to learn to take complements, and accept when others are happy. I don't trust what I see in people's faces. So, I'm wondering if this is because of my childhood experiences.

Has anyone experienced anything like this?

 

[Canticle]

When I was 13 years old my English teacher read a story about a girl remembering her mother's face. I...

Yes I can relate. I was about three when my mother passed. My mother suffered from Manic Depression. That is what Bi Polar was called back then. She was in and out of hospitals and emotionally unstable when she was home. I have had many nightmares throughout my life regarding her attempting to drown me in water. Then thing is I know that she was a beautiful one with a kind loving heart. I know this for a fact because of how I turned out in this life. I can not remember my mothers face, I can not remember her kindness but the best part of her lives on in me. This life can be an ass kicker on the old souls that adhere to love and the old ways. I am not sure if what I am saying here will have an impact on you. I am hopeful that you will understand my intent and gain strength through my experience. It is not easy living with the terms of endearment fate rendered on us; however, we can rise above the hardship and sorrow with the purity of love within us.

I am 48 years old now; yet, in my heart I am still disassociated deep within that lonely place of lost love. It has been a long lonely road for me. Seeing others smile and shine in my heart scared me deep within and I would subconsciously create walls to protect myself from the arduous endeavor to trust in love and kindness. I became the arbitrator of my own despair and created distance from the world around me. In truth their is much to distrust within the dark heart of humanity; but, I have learned to trust in my intuition and insight. My heart knows when I am with good people with good intent and I let them in. I love to see their heart smiles and hear their laughter. I have somehow adhered to honor and have loved outwards; but, it took me all this time to learn to love inwards and let the good ones bless me with their love. I realized that my heart was turning to a stone of sorrow and the only way that I could heal it was to allow myself to trust in love again. So I started with me. I forgive myself for all the dark and lonely years and I know that I am worthy of true love. There are many broken and heartless people in this world of mine, so I create better boundaries to keep the bad people out of my line of sight. My world brightens like the heavens when I see the beautiful ones shine and I am so very grateful for that.