Differentiating Complex Trauma

[scott_1971_h]

When that happened to me, I was not immediately plunged into a life of PTSD, but it affected every interpersonal relationship I have ever had since, and left me unprepared for the "normal" stresses of life and vulnerable to the big ones that came along later.

Me too :), The Addams Family - the later interpersonal effects and the people I seem to magnetically attract (N/AsPDs) have been at times the number 1 stumbling block for me and made the PTSD 10 times worse...
How the hell are we expected NOT to have some sort of attachment disorder when we've had such pearlers to follow as examples!
Scott

 

[just me here]

Me too :), The Addams Family - the later interpersonal effects and the people I seem to magnetically attract (N/AsPDs) have been at times the number 1 stumbling block for me and made the PTSD 10 times worse...
How the hell are we expected NOT to have some sort of attachment disorder when we've had such pearlers to follow as examples!
Scott

Are you able to be around you parents at all Scott? I recently got to see mine in action again, this time as an adult and it was much like the immersion therapy I have heard about ( simulating a combat environment so vets can reprocess the memories and find some releif from combat PTSD is an example).

I would have never sought the experience, but now that it has happened, I am reprocessing huge parts of the dysfunctional family stuff and feeling good about what everyone around me is so concerned I will start a bad episode of depression over. It isn't happening and I am just a little bit amazed by that. I should be lieing in bed feeling like I am a loser of the first degree but instead the situation has brought me something like peace and self foregiveness.

Just being careful to not upset what has to be a temporary delicate balance.

 

[scott_1971_h]

Are you able to be around you parents at all Scott? I recently got to see mine in action again, this time as an adult and it was much like the immersion therapy I have heard about

I could if I wanted to but I don't want to :)

 

[just me here]

I could if I wanted to but I don't want to :)

I would have rather not had the recent experience with them at all, but it is somewhat liberating to just watch them and remind myself that it is not me that caused their actions, then or now. They are just plain bad people, I am a survivor and can see the mess I pulled myself out of a little more clearly now. Silver lining, I guess.

 

[Srain]

I don't know if it helps me...my father kept us isolated, kept me from having close friends, moving us every 2-3yrs sometimes sooner than that. Even when I flat out told him I was having drug problems he denied it and sent me to his students for counseling to make sure nobody outside of his arena would know about this. When I finally sought help through the police system we moved to another state until I learned I could move out on my own if I was working at 16 in the state we lived in. Was I held in a state of abduction like setting???? I don't know now. It's all confusing and I wonder if it matters that much. :cry:

I just know I don't know how to make a friend. How sad is that?????? I'm a grown woman!

 

[scott_1971_h]

Was I held in a state of abduction like setting???? I don't know now. It's all confusing and I wonder if it matters that much. :cry:

Sounds like he had his hostage. And yes, that does matter. Unescapability/Captivity is one of the defining things in (c)PTSD.
Scott

 

[BloomInWinter]

I know it felt like there was no escape from my father....that teacher....my ex...and that my dad seemed to hold my family under some bizarre crazy hold to his warped world. UGH. This is making me sick thinking about it.

 

[just me here]

yeah, the captivity/inescapability thing is definitely a component.

I was basically grounded from 11 to 14, but a few times I was told I had to be gone for the weekend, parents were going on a weekend get away and didn't trust me, only my sisters stayed home with a friend of my stepmother. I was recently told that if I had come home begging to be allowed back for the night, they would all go elsewhere and I would be allowed to stay alone. They told me that 36 years later to let me know I was never in any real danger (their words).

I dissapointed them again, they wanted me to "hit bottom" and then they would be able to straighten me out (their words again). Instead, they were teaching a middle class kid with good grades how to be a street tough and earn a place in the ranks of the local troubled youth. Basically, I was given a choice between becoming so religious I wouldn't recognize myself in a mirror or swimming in the deep end of the local street scene, at 12!

It takes a pretty strong dose of religious Kool aid to throw your son to the wolves and go enjoy a weekend away with a clear conscious, and it must cause a permanent case of stupidity because they still defend it 36 years later!

Is this as unbeleivable as it looks in print to me? I lived it and it still triggers me when I realise that I have somehow learned to forgive them for this......somewhat. Can I hate them and still treat them with the same respect I give any senior? Am I allowed to remind them of it all as I recently did and actually show my anger to them wich I didnt? Is this a middle class suburban case of long term stockholm syndrome? thats rich.

 

[starry-night]

Please don't shout me down, or invalidate me...I think I fit in here.

 

[Kintsugi]

The definition that helped me best, that nailed it down, that gave me what I needed to ask my T about it, was living in some kind of situation where someone had a totalitarian rule over my life over a prolonged period of time. This happened to me twice and has certainly caused unique problems. I would say that the second time really just cemented those flaws into me that were seeded by my first experience.

 

[just me here]

Please don't shout me down, or invalidate me...I think I fit in here.

not sure of why you posted this, but I can say welcome to the forum and I hope no one here ever does shout you down or invalidate you.

Too bad it's true, but if you think you fit in here you probably do, sorry but welcome.

this is where the help comes from, get it while you can.

 

[starry-night]

Sorry, a bit paranoid. I've been invalidated so much (particularly by doctors...although even the most invalidating ones will concede I have PTSD). So I find it difficult to say how I feel without ducking for cover.