Difficult Discussion With Boss

[Fraser46]

I had a bit of a run in with my boss yesterday. I work at as Special Needs teacher in a large inner city school (with over 600 pupils). I am prone to overworking when I get stressed and as my headteacher would put it "use work as my addiction". I had agreed at the end of last year that I would try and work less hours and would take care of myself more.

I have been rather stressed the last couple of weeks, I have just started seeing a new therapist and we are about to start EMDR. My anxiety levels have been high and things have been difficult in my brain. My brain tells me that "I am a rubbish teacher", "I need to put in more effort" and this has led me to overworking the last two weeks. Yesterday our school had a early years open evening, so I knew that the building would be open until probably 7pm (it normally closes at 5:45pm), My depute walked through my room at maybe 5:30pm and I asked if it was ok for me to stay on and work for longer as the school was still open. My depute was fine about this and she said she would come and check that I was gone by 7pm. I was completely paperwork as this keeps me calm, I am quite obsessed with paperwork and everything has to be exact. I walked to the printer to get my planning and my headteacher heard my footsteps and didn't realise someone was still working in the main building (the open evening was in the annex). My headteacher came up to check and was harsh with me, although she was completely right. She said that "I am hiding behind work and not dealing with my trauma", 'my self destructive behaviour is work because I am so critical on myself" and "I push myself into work to avoid thinking about the trauma and my feelings". It was hard to hear someone tell me what I didnt want to hear, but she is so right which is frustrating. She was only saying this for my own good as she doesnt want me to have another meltdown (I had lots last year) and wants me to be well enough to continue my teaching. She wants me to be less critical on myself and push myself into the therapy and not work. I need to stop worrying about work and it I am not well enough after the therapy (I have 7:15am appointments twice a week) to go home and rest or work from home. She doesnt want me to increase my anxiety over work.

So today I am anxious about facing my headteacher - we have an in-service day. I know she was right but it is hard to hear this. She is only nagging at me because she cares but ofcourse I dont want to be treated differently and want to be seen to be confident and dealing with things.

 

[Lucycat]

What I am reading is that you knew the head did not want you to work extra. But you asked the depute if this was ok dispite the fact that you knew ( and perhaps she didn't) that it was not ok.

I am glad that the head was blunt with you, and it sounds as if you have now taken it on board.

Therapy is hard. But you need to separate out you home and work life. Do your job, that you clearly love and have staff who care about you. But then go home and do whatever you do there- self care being number one priority. If for some reason you simply don't want to be at home then go out for a good walk in the fresh air.

I too used to work far more than I was ever paid for, to escape reality. Once you work it out and have a better work/life balance you will actually feel much better.

 

[littlelostchild]

You have a very wise head teacher who cares about you a lot.

She sound like someone who won't be holding it against you at your in-service day and just wants you to get better. I'm glad she is helping you hold your boundaries at work.

 

[KwanYingirl]

My son was in special needs. You work your ass off in that specialty. I think the field attracts overachievers. It's always a good idea to balance stress and no stress. You work your fingers to the bone, and what do you get? Boney fingers. I also work to repress my PTSD but it's not getting me anywhere emotionally. I'm trying to use more coping thoughts which I am learning about in my DBT workbook. My therapist took all my workbooks because they trigger me. He photocopies assignments that he knows will be usefull but not triggering. He is a smart guy.

 

[Fraser46]

My depute knew that I am supposed to be taking things easy, I was working quite productively and just thought it would be a good idea to carry on. My Headteacher didnt see it like that and i know what she is just trying to look out for me but I honestly felt fine. She feels that I push myself into my work to avoid dealing with my trauma. She says that I push myself all the time but when I am feeling well I go to the extreme and then I start to burnout. She wants me to do the minimum and stop being a perfectionist. I know that she is right it is just hard to here and I hate getting upset.