Difficulty With Flashbacks, Work And Social Situations

[cragger65]

Lucky Pink, I really feel for ya, hon. I don't get the rash, but hot sweat prickles and a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, gripping fear of someone digging at me for answers, yeah.... I experience all that, too. It must be terribly hard to not have your parents acknowledge what has happened under their own roof. I would be bloody pissed and filled with resentment and even hate myself, but that's me. Sounds like some of that is in you, too, but just hasn't found its way to come out yet?? You deserve a hell of a lot better than you've gotten, it's OK to be angry, anyone would be.

Anyway, hang in there. Glad you have something that you can do to comfort yourself. I have a hard time with that, but it seems to help a lot of people. Take care.

Dave

 

[luckypink]

:hello: Hi Dave, I am sorry you get a feeling of feeling sick in your tummy, is it like a heaviness? You mentioned that you feel that people what you to come up with answers. Its horribly difficult to have to deal with these physical/emotional sensations on a daily basis.

I feel there is this sense with me of someone repeatedly bashing my head, over and over, and that If I talk to someone I am going to be bashed further. However, I to talk to people and this sensation feeling like it is still bashing at me, and I can't speak or breathe, and that other people know I am in a weak spot and they will hurt me. They don't, but I am feeling really guilty of the way I must across to them.

Yes it is difficult, with my parents not acknowledging the abuse. In the past I experienced a lot of resentment, particularly during the two years prior to leaving home and for around 3 years after leaving. I reported the perpretrator to the Police, but nothing happened, and I know my Mother supported him (she knows what really happened). The resentment, angry, etc, led to five psychatric hospital admissions.

Im 'okish now' but have chronic PTSD. I am able to work now and despite the commitment it is good for me to be there. I think deep down I don't fundamentally trust my parents anymore, and I don't feel a safe feeling when I think of them, but I accept I accept our uneasy relationship more now. I hope there is not me angry/resentment to come out, but I know I have a long way to go.

I was really triggered after posting last night, beginning to feel avoidance may be better and I could stop going to therapy, but know it would be unwise as my symptoms would still be there.

Just going to do the ironing, something to focus on anyway!

Have a lovely day.

All good wishes to you.

Take good care,
Lucky Pink.

 

[CCurry]

Hi Lucky Pink,

I feel for you and can relate to some of what you said. My older and only brother molested me from age 8 to about 15 and when I finally got the courage to tell my parents at age 18, they didn't believe me at first, then he admitted and they made him apologize!! That's it, they didn't want to talk about again....until I went into Therapy for another reason and the floodgate opened once again. They were pissed that I was bringing this up again. They thought it was over and to be honest so did I but that lid to pandora's box just kept filling up and I couldn't keep running to the box and closing the lid any longer.

I don't see him anymore and they blame me for ruining their holiday get togethers (because the apple of my mom's eye can't be there-because of me). I know my dad is disgusted my him, but he can do no wrong in my mom's world.

I personally am so envious when I hear another girl talking lovingly about her brother. I wonder what that would feel like to have a strong support of an older brother, but I'll never know.

Yup, I know how you feel. Keep writing!

Carmela

 

[luckypink]

:hello:Dear Carmela,
Thankyou so much for your message and for sharing your story. I am so sorry this happened to you. You are so so strong, you are so brave to survive. Did you ever report your Brother?

Like yours, my parents didn't acknowledge it when I was 12 and when I started to talk about when I was older they just looked and me with a blank face, and would rarely say anything. She once said 'it's all in the past, you have to forgot about it'. It was so hard to talk to her about, as I knew it would be hard for her too, I tried to tell her some of the things he did, and she said 'I wouldn't have thought so'.

Within a few months of developing a physical health problem, and turning 17, it began to affect me badly and I couldn't keep the lid on it all longer. I tried to for about six months (to keep the lid on), but I knew it hard to come off. It lead to five hospital admissions, and attempted suicide. It was an extremely painful time. My parents have never acknowledged it.

It is so hard when other people talk about their families.

Sending you a big hug! We are strong!

:Hug_emoticon::Hug_emoticon:Take good care,

Lucky Pink.

 

[heather q]

Maybe needed to keep away from others is because I feel they would blame me to, amd question whether it happened to me, but I know suddenly I am beginning to feel quite sad that I detach myself and isolate myself from others, and may see me as difficult and a loner, or unfriendly, and I want to try to improve things and be more friendly, but at the same time I still think Im bad and I have to keep the 'real me' away from people, its just too unsafe!

This is a very familiar situation for me I have been like this for a long time, I isolate because most of the time it is the only way I can cope. For me it's a matter of survival, it doesn't matter what other people think, I have to get away, and even it it did matter we still need to do what works for us, when we can do it differently we will.

Sometimes I can be more 'human' but then I need to hibernate again, I don't handle noise or people very well, it brings on anxiety, flashbacks and things that get me stuck. People raising their voices, conflicts and nasty comments is what I'm working on right now, because they are triggers for me right now and frankly I'm tired of feeling like crap.

I try not to think about what 'they' think of me because it adds to my issues. Saying something to stand up for myself is helping, as long I can figure out 'that something' to l stop what is going on. A lot of work but it's helping me right now.

Heather

 

[luckypink]

Dear Heather,
:hello: I think with PTSD, because it is so tiring, it is probably natural for us to isolate ourselves, we only have so much energy. Its like when I have been to work all day and then my work colleagues say to come to the pub after work, and stay there until late, I know it is too much for me, and at the end of the evening (I often don't go, or go for one drink and they said why are youe leaving? )I am going to come home and have major flashbacks. It is as if after focusing on work (I do get flashbacks there), that I need some time to me, and my brain does need to go over the trauma in flashbacks.

Your mentioned people's nasty comments, I am so sorry people have said nasty things, they don't understand. I was really glad when you said you try not to think about what they think of you, because you have so much to cope with already having PTSD.

Yesterday I had a really busy day, and I knew that I would pay for it later on. In the evening, after flying about, I saw a Friend of mine who has had a baby which was lovely, and I enjoyed seeing her. I knew it would be triggering for me (not ever having had a proper relationship). I got flashbacks on the way home, and came in the house, and started screaming, and ran in my lounge screaming and tripped over! and the flashbacks continued from 10.30 until I went to bed at 1.30pm. I feel bad this morning, and angry at myself for not 'stopping' the flashbacks. I have a headache this morning.


Hang on in there Heather and give yourself the care and hugs that you need. It does not matter if you isolate yourself, other people can think what they want, this is your life, and you have an illness, a condition.

(((Hugs to you)))))
:Hug_emoticon:

Take good care,

Lucky Pink.