Dipping In The Inner Child Pool

[watundah]

My Therapist wants me to do this but how do I do it?

Is it like talking to yourself only imagining your traumatized child face? An imaginary friend? I'm going on vacation and she told me to take my IC with me. Do I need another boarding pass? (Kidding)

She suggested reading her a story, imagining her on the sofa next to me. She said she is difficult to reach. I think she is trying to ease me into the concept.

I'd appreciate some help. The dominate non dominant whiting exercise didn't do much for me

Thanks.

 

[Kintsugi]

Oy. I wish you the best of luck. My T and I just talked about the inner child for the first time last session, but I despise that phrase when applied to me and will not use it. We settled on something else. But if my T told me to imagine reading with her... I'm not ready. Good luck to you.

 

[Deleted member 20280]

Inner child therapy is very very soothing. I have been identifying with my Inner child now for some time. It was not easy to reach inside and sooth him but eventually with a great deal of coaxing I was able to placate him enough to get him to safety. I wish you luck with this therapy

 

[watundah]

If you have any suggestions, I'm open.
thanks

 

[mrsps]

I really don't get the "inner child" thing, like I understand we have an inner child and a lot of the time it is them that holds the pain. But I don't get how to connect with the inner child. I guess my T will go through this with me at some stage

 

[anonymous]

She should guide you. Essentially she's told you to swim and has thrown you into the deep end of the pool even though you haven't a clue how to even tread water. A bit irresponsible on her part.

 

[joeylittle]

I really don't get the "inner child" thing, like I understand we have an inner child and a lot of the time it is them that holds the pain.

I actually don't understand the inner child thing at all, to be honest. Intellectually I get it, and I think it's great if it helps some people, but I do better thinking of myself as one person, not two. I was me when I was eight, and I'm me now. Visualizing my child-self as split off from me, somehow - it seems, for me, to be something that would be more harmful than helpful. That's just me, though.

OP, I think you are free to ask your therapist to actually do this in session with you, so you have active guidance/prompting.

 

[ghotiff]

I liked the idea of an inner child box. Basically a box where you put things that speak to the more childish part of your personality. Eg sparky little girl shoes that you would have liked to wear as a child. Or, coloring books. It took me ages to be able to think of things but slowly I did.

 

[watundah]

Well, a lot of people don't get it, it seems. I agree that it does sound wierd. However, I am trying to be open to the concept because I had a lot of pain for a lot of years and like most folks say, it takes more than CBT. I am one resilient cookie but it is quite obvious that nothing gets to my vulnerability more in therapy than talking about the pain and isolation that I experienced as an elementary school child. Remembering those feelings versus dissociating and numbing out is huge progress for me. Those feelings help me to think that my young, hurt self does still have a huge presence within. Throw in some emotional flashbacks and mmhmm there she is. The last few sessions my therapist has spent time talking to the difference between the child self and adult self. I am very much a big kid all of the time in that I have a playful nature. I am also open and willing to try new things rather than just say "pah, that's stupid," because first and foremost I want to heal. She knows from our years together that I am resistant and has been trying to introduce the IC work slowly versus dumping it on me. I belIeve she knows this will be difficult for me which is why she suggested benign things like reading a story or a walk on the beach.

We'll talk more about it if I'm having a problem I'm sure. Even my therapist said the IC was hard to reach but that has been my way - deeply entrenched in mistrust and self protection.

I guess it's an imagination game. I've read a bit about it online and wonder if it's the self love, self nurturing that really makes folks uncomfortable.

 

[illusionist]

I initially related to my inner child naturally through play, with my kids when they were young. I feel her as a separate person within me, but connected ( I've got to throw logic out the window). As a kid I always felt like an adult, or was expected to act like an adult.....the kid in me was squashed deep inside....all the wants and needs lay deep, unable to be expressed.

I've learned to dig deep, without the help of therapy to the extent that I know where emotions I am feeling are coming from...very hard to explain. So I cannot speak of how a therapist would guide.

I've given her all sorts of things, and given her the freedom to be who she is.....a kid.

I've bought the pretty dresses she wanted, eaten the foods she wanted, done the silly things she wanted to do, said the things she wanted to say, cried the tears she wanted to shed, played with the toys she so wanted.

I don't speak to her as such, I just allow her to 'be'......then she goes back contented.

Maybe I'm just crazy .....I don't care as allowing her/ myself these things has helped me a great deal.

 

[WhisperingUnicorn]

Sorry for this long rambly reply, but I hope some of our story might be helpful!

My man has connected with his "little" ("wee one") only recently - I had observed his "little" a few times previous - when experiencing severe emotional distress, mainly in moments of perceived "threat" that our relationship might be mortally wounded, his "wee one" would vocalize fear that I would leave him (like his mother did when she abandoned the family early on), and once there was a moment of intimacy when it was obvious he was perceiving me as a "mommy" (I wasn't clear yet whether his "little" believed I WAS his mom, but no, he has since vocalized clear understanding that he knows who I am, that I am distinct from "her" and yet he loves that I "take care of him" LIKE a mommy) ..

After talking through these dissociations with my man, he began to hunt for pictures online that reminded him of some EARLY childhood memories, and he began to "feel" an emotional connection with "wee one" even though he couldn't actually communicate with his inner child on purpose (my man is mainly co-conscious with his other alters, so they all weave in and out of one another depending on his "mood" in any given conversation, and he is able to regularly dialogue with them, actually ask them questions and hear answers in his head, and sometimes he'll refer to himself in the plural "we" "us" "our" with me - though he is very careful not to do this around other people as he doesn't like the strange reactions he gets, so the fact he wasn't even aware of "wee one" until I told him he had surfaced a few times, and further the fact that he couldn't "access" his "little" directly in internal dialogue was a bit distressing to my man at first).

After a very few times trying, it became easier for "wee one" to surface, to speak with me directly - and my man ("middle me" who is his "original" personality, or "host") was able to observe like an out of body experience, and when "wee one" went quiet again and "middle me" was again in charge of the moment, he felt he was left with a fresh WASH of emotion - tenderness, gentle emotions, a genuinely HAPPY feeling (as the experience involved "wee one" connecting with me in a safe and loving way), which he was SHOCKED to discover he was capable of feeling .. and he described that same incident as having left "fingerprints" of new memories. He could suddenly remember some things from his early childhood that he had previously forgotten, and he has since expressed desire to TRY to connect with "wee one" on purpose ..

We haven't succeeded, yet, in figuring out exactly what draws him to the surface - sometimes it has been pictures, sometimes it has been my man remembering times of connecting with his mom before she had her meltdown and left the family ("wee one" feels SO much sadness and sorrow over how ANGRY this made other parts of himself, so I think that "wee one" has been most helped by my man's overall learning to FORGIVE his mom, learning to empathize with WHY she left which had to do with the abusive environment his dad had put their whole family in) .. But as far as trying to "play"? My man doesn't really have any "toys" or child-like pleasures like that - or at least not that he can recall - BUT, I do have a couple suspicions which might help with the above discussion ...

My man has a very TENDER heart, and when he is most "childlike" is when he is in touch with nature - be it gardening, or playing with little animals, or bird-watching, or taking pictures of flowers, appreciating vibrant colors, the sound of running water like a stream or waterfall, etc. So I am currently encouraging him to really get HANDS ON with all the new life of Spring, as everything is starting to bloom and animals are pairing off with mates, etc.

I have heard my man giggle with glee (NOT his normal character) over watching a bird play with its reflection in a mirror-like surface in the garden. His adult philosophy looks more like a general rule: "Be kind to the creature" .. and his adult "feeling" is more often being physically feeling aroused by being outside in the sun, and working the ground. But I REALLY believe this is his best hope of NURTURING his inner child, especially as he feels more safe and secure both in OUR relationship and the life we are building together ....

:hug: :inlove:

~S2B

 

[watundah]

That is great that you two are.working together on his journey. Thank you for sharing.