Disappointed

[Casey_03]

But, just keep in mind... having an emotionally present parent is more important than anything money can buy.

This is true too, and that's what my biggest concern is. I wouldn't be emotionally present if I'm slammed with work and overwhelmed. That said, though, it's also not good for kids to have parents who are depressed. The thing I remember most about my childhood, and my mother, is that she was always so depressed about not doing more with her life. She gave up an art career to take care of me, and I know she always regretted it. (I know she didn't regret having me, but she regretting not having a career she wanted)

 

[scout86]

I just don't really know where to start

Social media? Back in the olden days, I'd have stuck a piece of paper up on the bulletin board in the student union. There must be some kind of graduate student association of some sort?

I guess I'm just too cynical to commit to something without a surefire plan

My own version of cynical suggests that there is no such thing as a 'surefire plan". I'm totally serious. I can't think of one, single, solitary thing in my life that's gone according to plan.

 

[anonymous]

It sounds as though you have made your decision already. That is fine! Wait until he goes to school and rethink things then.

 

[Justmehere]

Have you looked into online graduate PhD programs?

No relocation needed, and you can attend class from home.

 

[Casey_03]

Social media might work. But then, I guess, I don't know how comfortable I'd be counting on people I haven't met to take care of my son. Even if the plan was 70% surefire, that'd be fine for me. But as it stands, the most important thing, my own top priority -- my son-- would be in uncertain circumstances. That's the main plan -- the plan for his care. And if I don't even have an inkling of an idea of who would take care of him, how I would afford daycare, etc ... I'm just not sure. Maybe I've been engaging in fantasy with this plan to get a PhD. But that was always such a huge part of me moving back to the States -- to go back to school. Now it just doesn't seem realistic. I can wait a few years, but the longer I wait, the more pointless it becomes.(because I'm not young anymore as it is)

@Justmehere Online programs might be a good idea. I haven't seen the degree I want offered online, but maybe there are options to do it at least partially online. Or I may have to just go for a different degree. Perhaps an MA instead of a PhD for now. Maybe I should be taking baby steps instead of giant leaps anyway.

 

[Casey_03]

Excuse all my typos today. Don't know what's going on with my brain right now.

 

[Justmehere]

I'd also suggest calling the non-traditional student office and/or the family resource center at the school near you or really any school and see if they have suggestions. They may know of options that your friends and you haven't thought of yet. The university near me actually offers a preschool just for non-traditional students at low cost, and has undergrad students working there under supervision of professors for child education credits.

Pull up the course catalog for the University you're looking at - it may not be as much in person time as one might think. Hybrid online/in person classes are all the rage these days even at brick-and-mortar universities.

You are in a tough bind, but I think you are on the right track to look at taking baby steps.

 

[anonymous]

I'm assuming you are PTSD symptom free or have all your symptoms under control given that 2 pages in and none of the concern is about managing PTSD symptoms while in grad school.

Is this assumption correct?

I think this would be of primary concern given the rigors of graduate school and how one should be pretty darn stable (symptom wise) before attending grad school. Otherwise it's a recipe for disaster.

 

[Casey_03]

Is this assumption correct?

This is correct. I've been mostly symptom free since I had my son. I say mostly because I still get overwhelmed and suffer from anxiety, but nothing that would make me unstable. I had a T up until recently (had to stop seeing her cause I couldn't afford it), but in our last few sessions she said I didn't seem to need therapy. Of course, I still get very stressed out in my situation, but have been managing without any therapy or treatment. Taking the necessary steps to keep myself sane.

 

[desiderata310]

I didn't read all the way through.
There are ways.
If you want something bad enough, you find a way.
I finished undergrad with a child and one on the way.
I worked in a demanding 80+ hr a week job and did it single. (I later remarried)
I went back to school and got a masters, while working said 80+ hr job and had kids.
Was it tough? f*ck yeah. There were times I took ALL THREE to work with me and had them camp out under my desk. (pre-ipad days) with books, toys, and coloring books. I hired students when I was in undergrad to watch my son while I went to class, asked classmates who had baby fever to watch him.
But I looked around my world. I talked to people (not just one person) and said how COULD I make this work?
Get accepted and figure out the rest. Shit has a way of falling into place.
The best part about how this worked out: all three of my kids watched me go to school. My oldest's earliest memories were of meeting me after class. They all watched and learned what hard work really means.

In the immortal words of Shia LaBeouf:
Shia LaBeouf "Just Do It" Motivational Speech (Original Video)

 

[Casey_03]

@desiderata310 Thanks. That is reassuring. I might just apply anyways and then reassess the situation if I actually get accepted. If I had the money to pay for someone to take care of my son, I wouldn't even consider this an issue. But at the moment I have no money whatsoever. Which is why, as you point out, maybe it is best to apply and try to make it work later. Maybe by the time the program starts I will be in a better financial situation.

For the record, I did talk to more than one person and a professor in the program about this (not sure if you were referencing me there or not, but decided to clarify) I guess apart from the money, my other concern is just how much attention my son would be getting. Sure, if you work hard enough, you can do anything, but at what cost? Will it affect my mental well-being? Will my son only see me stressed out? Maybe an MA rather than a PhD would be the best place to start. I have no doubts about my ability to complete an MA, it's just the five-year PhD program with teaching requirements that makes me doubt my abilities.

 

[desiderata310]

How old is your son?
How long will it take to get the MA?
By then he will likely be in school or close to starting school. He'll start school seeing YOU setting the exampled of what being studious means.
TOTALLY worth it.
My son got TONS of attention. Smart as a whip because he was exposed to MORE at an early age. Hell I never even tried the on campus pre-school in the early education programs. THAT stuff never even occurred to me.
No one suffered.
I was shit ass dirt poor the whole way through. I did without. I was uncomfortable. I drove a piece of crap car. I didn't go out.
It CAN be done.

ETA.. yeah there will be some stressful times but if you survived whatever gave you PTSD a few anxious nights worrying about a term paper will pale in comparison.