Disciplinary Action Taken... Vicious Cycle Seems Like A Rollercoaster Ride!

[SeanCharles]

I am writing this today being that I went to work and was sent home to take care of a problem. A problem which is several fold:

• My emotional distress is such that I have been repeating a cycle of negative adherance to my employer's dress code, why? because of low self esteem which stems from the negativity of the workplace stress and a trauma from the past which is not forseen or reoccuring in reality.

• Relating specifically to the low self esteem, is the fact that my performance on the job is lower than the expected outcomes of my development as an employee. In part because of the culture within the company culture I deal with five days a week. I know that I ridiculed, belittled and otherwise looked upon as an outcast because I am not of the culture of my boss (direct manager or a certain percentage about 75% of my department's employees. In truth, I am not the only employee who deals with this problem, there are others who are of mixed cultures that are given the same ugly treatment.

• My functionality is slipping deeper into dissentigration. My health is suffering because of my deteriorating mental health. I stuck spinning on a merry go round I can't stop easily, it's almost as though I am on a teater totter within this merry go round, with constant ups and downs all the while spinning on a rotating axis.

In light of today's action, I am dealing with the problem while realizing that I've been extremely lucky. I know that my disability is on file, yet, I feel as though my dissentigration must not be allowed to show externally, while at the root my emotional situation remains to deteriorate internally.

I am repeating a cycle that has been a struggle for me since I began this employment. I feel so many questions that remain unanswered and seeking those answers remains a struggle.

I guess in ways, this may be a rant! I don't know...

Postscript: My situation just turned more interesting! The medical situation involving the feet situation and a referral to a foot specialist just coincided with my situation making this day more awkward.


---SeanGeo

 

[Ghostybear73]

Sorry you are having such a bad day. :hug:s

 

[Neverthesame]

That's rough mate. Try to stay positive as best you can. If you are able, try to keep busy with any kind of project or hobby, if at all possible, maybe take care of something around the house you have been putting off. It will help pass the time as well as give you something you can look back on as an accomplishment.

Keep breathing, and know your not the first person to be in your situation.

Take care.

 

[SeanCharles]

if at all possible, maybe take care of something around the house you have been putting off. It will help pass the time as well as give you something you can look back on as an accomplishment.

This is partly what I did! I got the laundry I needed to provide me a professional appearance done! That way, I was able to complete my work day a little later than I expected.

On a concluding note; I am seriously questioning my skillset and abilities... Do I want to be stuck in another dead end job which seems to be draining me of my life force, and leaving me full of regret, anxiety, anger, stressed out, feelings of extreme unappreciation, lack of self esteem, need I add more? Basically, I did receive some positive feedback from someone who does see some potential. The problem is there are circumstances, my disabling conditions that seem to interfere with my performance. Or is it me? or is this people's inability to see my potential because of their own insecurities? So many questions... So much confusion!

---SeanGeo

 

[Neverthesame]

I've had that go through my head a thousand times. Still does if I'm honest.

I try to remind myself that I am not responsible for what other people think. All I can do is try to do my best, remember the skills I have and apply them to the best of my ability. If that's not good enough, then the management at this particular dead end job can take their silly expectations of what someone should do and shove it.

It has been my experience that no matter where you work, if your boss really wants rid of you, they will be rid of you. There isn't really anything you can do about it. Though if you are not really deserving of being fired, while it will probably still happen, it will take a while. You will have lots of "writing on the wall". It still sucks, is unfair, and hurts. Hopefully this sorts out well for you.

 

[Lionheart]

@SeanGeo

I am not sure if I understand things correctly but this is my take on it:.

......it is difficult to take pride in oneself and ones work when there are self-esteem problems (that stem from the past) and issues of (un)fair treatment. I hope you are able to get things sorted out for yourself, I know this has been an ongoing problem for you and I hate that it is such a stress inducing situation.

As I have mentioned to you before, there is no way to receive disability benefits if you are able to work full time and it may be that you have to resign yourself from this job in order to get the assistance you are in need of.

I wholeheartedly agree with what @Neverthesame has said and wish you only the best as you work to resolve things.

My best to you always my friend,
Lion

 

[SeanCharles]

@Lionheart777

As I have mentioned to you before, there is no way to receive disability benefits if you are able to work full time and it may be that you have to resign yourself from this job in order to get the assistance you are in need of.

In terms of my working full time, unless the full time status is less than 40 hrs, I am not considered nor am I working full time. I am for the purposes of maintaining work benefits part time (PT 24) which will put me at 24 hrs a week. I am scheduled weekly for 27.50 hrs.

I am considering some options which have presented themselves which involve possibly using FMLA leave to go diagnose the seizure situation on a second opinion basis. Whether this second opinion proves what I suspect to be right will help me to a degree but won't solve this completely. I know that the company doesn't want to lose me, but I know too that when I am not there the extra cleaning I do when I am done isn't done by others. They do some of that, but not in the depth I am supposed to do. (Same situation as before when I was in grocery!) :(

I refuse to quit after the length of time I have been with this company because it would invalidate my disabled status! I technically qualify medically, but the hurdle is as it is is the Substantial Gainful Activity Measure which is a completely stupid method!

What I need to be able to do is leave on the grounds that this job is killing me!

---SeanGeo

 

[SeanCharles]

Monday, May 25th

I royally Screwed up! As of today, I am suspended for three days! If this happens again, I am terminated. I have reached the point of not survival, merely existing! going through motions of living, not a dream, a void and purposeless and meaningless life! :meh:

I feel as though I am entrapped! I am on a merry go round that I want to leap from, but that would possibly place me and Winnie in a homeless status.

---SeanGeo