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Disclosing To Non-sufferers

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I've painfully learned over and over again that trying to wholeheartedly share and explain myself and my essence to those who have never been there, or if they aren't demonstrating any genuine desire to innerstand, I'm just setting myself up for even more discomfort, frustration, and heart ache. I try to tailor my response based on the energies I pick up on.

People can only meet you from the level of their current awareness/understanding and not too many are willing to stretch their minds beyond their known comfort zones, especially in certain scenarios. I now respond to folks that it is simply how my brain is wired if and when I'm asked for reasoning.

Depending on their responses and the feel of the situation, I may choose to go into more depth. I'll gladly share my journey with anyone openly, but have learned to try to better manage when those moments are to keep things geared in the best interest of my own well-being.
 
My immediate family (wife and daughter) are the only people that know. I think others suspect something is going on but I believe they think I'm just irritable, grumpy or quick to fly off the handle sometimes. I work full time and I'm retired Military (still young though :)) I don't receive treatment for PTSD and used to be on medication for anxiety only but didn't like the effects of the medication. My triggers are so random that it's hard to balance out when I actually am mad about something legitimate or if it's just small issue that I should shrug off. I'm a shut-in most of the time but very social when I go out with co-workers, hang out with family, play volleyball or make videos for my Youtube channel. I avoid crowds, lines and any place that I have to wait for than 10 minutes. The DMV is my kryptonite and I do all I can to avoid it. I know most people despise the DMV so I'm not alone, but it's my biggest trigger for anxiety. I grocery shop early in the morning if I can and go to the self check out every chance I get. Road rage is a daily occurance for me and the smallest things will set me off.
I think I hide the anxiety from "outsiders" very well. My poor wife knows and accepts my outbursts or anti-social behavior for the most part. My daughter is a teenager and she's smart enough to realize that I have "issues."
The only downfall with my condition is that I drink beer. I don't get fall down drunk and I don't get crazy when I drink. I just enjoy beer and the relaxation I get when I drink beer. I mostly don't drink on weekdays but if I have a day off and no obligations I will have a few beers. On the weekends I drink and enjoy it. It's a vice and most probably a blocker for my anxiety.

This might not be the feed to say all this but it felt good to type it out. I'm in denial about PTSD and didn't want the stigma or label while I was in the Military. Now that I'm retired I'm not ashamed to say that I have PTSD.
 
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