Disclosure In Therapy

[Ted Moen]

Full disclosure is a big thing. Trauma rolls up like a ball of twisted, snarled ball of twine adding knotted strands as we do what we do to survive the trauma then act out our symptoms until we learn to live better with our personal ball of twine. You can't throw a therapist one or two small strands and expect them to unravel the whole ball.

Full disclosure takes time. The stuff you have buried at the core of your twisted, snarled ball of twine will take a lot of uncomfortable time to get to. When I was first in therapy I used to plan what I was going to talk about and rehearse it in my mind prior to each session. I controlled the information I shared. I didn't make any real progress as far as learning to live better with ptsd goes.

I eventually learned to go to therapy unprepared, armed only with my ongoing flow of intrusive thoughts and feelings. I would greet my therapist, settle comfortably into my chair, check her out. She would allow the "pregnant silence" to continue for a moment or two. Sometimes an intense thought or feeling would jump into my consciousness and I would just blurt it out at her not worrying how it came out. If not, she would announce she wanted to follow up on something from last session and proceed to gently trigger something. It almost always involved talking about stuff I didn't really want to talk about.

Once disclosed, each knot was examined, re-examined, related to triggers and stuff, re-framed and integrated into my understanding of my personal ball of twine. In the process I learned how I might respond when that specific knot was triggered, and given support in practicing in real situations. That part is really uncomfortable, by the way :)

Once I found a CBT oriented clinical psychologist I felt safe with, full disclosure took around 6 years including and intense inpatient 90 day program. 9 months just gets you ready to begin to get the baby out :)

Ted

 

[Heather]

Transference is part and parcel of trauma therapy... its something that should be openly discussed all the time. Clients become from frustrated and pissed off with the therapist, to wanting to jump their bones or the belief they love them. Therapy is an intimate environment, but has professional boundaries, which any good therapist will always keep. The best way IMHO, is to keep transference discussion as an open cue in every and any session, any time.

Why does this happen so easily in therapy? I get so pissed at my therapist all the time and well for the other stuff..... It is very hard to talk about.

 

[anthony]

Because their there... they are the one pushing you, so they are the one you will naturally feel aggressive towards. Many therapists seem to have just as much discomfort about it as the client... but honestly, either one can break down that wall and put it out there, so both are mutually honest and call it the way it is when within the therapy setting, without fear of persecution or such.

 

[Abstract]

First, you understood me perfectly! Thanks for that! Feel so scattered right now surprised I'm making any sense.

Hi Bloom!
I have only "met" two other people who understand me when it comes to that level of a delay and lack of self awarness. Pleased to meet you!
I was desperate to find someone else who could relate a fairly short while back as I thought I was the only one. Of course I only realised this properly once it changed as being in that disconnected state precludes being able to know what is happening.

As for the "being open with your t" issue - someone helped by with this. Essentially most of the time we are projecting it onto them - although not always - ad the t session is about us, so what we are discussing is how we are reacting, what we are perceiving or experiencing. That is why it is so very Ok to discuss it.

Sometimes there will be countertransferance and maybe us being open will help the t be aware of that happening in ways they may otherwise not.
Good luck!

 

[ronin47]

I actually know exactly what you mean with the RA thing, though in a different context. The last few times I've been to a doctor the the ER, I've withheld the fact that I have PTSD from the intake nurse. If I reveal my PTSD, experience has taught me that whatever ailment led me to the hospital will just get written off as a panic attack.

It took me quite a while to be able to discuss everything with my therapists.When I finally admitted to one that I had been sexually abused as a child, I asked him if he was mad at me for not bringing it up sooner. "Like I said before," he replied gently, "this is your time and how you use it is up to you."

I think the kind of trauma therapy Anthony outlined could be more helpful for you. While different things work for different people, trauma therapy specifically might actually make it progressively easier for you to discuss these things. That's how it played out for me, once we had worked through some of the "lesser" trauma I was able to open up and work through deeper and more sinister things. You should never feel bad or guilty about not being able to talk about everything all at once, but a different approach to therapy might lessen some of the anxiety and barriers that are making it hard for you to bring out some of the deeper issues.

Experience has also taught me that talking about something over and over again is not the same thing as reliving it, processing it, and learning to move through it and be okay.

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes, I have that time-delay and lack of self-awareness big time.
I feel like Helen Keller BEFORE the 'W-A-T-E-R'. :(

 

[Abstract]

Yes, I have that time-delay and lack of self-awareness big time.
I feel like Helen Keller BEFORE the 'W-A-T-E-R'. :(

((Junebug)),
It is nice to "meet" you too. Who would have thought there would be so many of us. :eek:
I changed by having to pedantically write hours of journalling out my every experince of the day and working hard on finding any feelings etc for about five years. :( Eventually it started becoming more automatic but it still takes hard work.
Hope your water comes soon.