Sexual Assault Discussing Childhood Sexual Abuse With My Pastor

[RussH]

I agree with @anthony that you are amplifying things by overthinking it. You should wait for your Pastor to respond, and in the meantime seek the Lord on what He wants you to do.
I do still think the Pastor is wrong making you discuss your past given you were the victim of the abuse, and in no way the abuser.

 

[The Albatross]

If you'd have read back Russ, Shelia's post #46 says, "No details of the actual abuse were discussed".

 

[Changing4Best]

Well, for whatever it is worth, I have emailed the ACLU and asked them if it is legal in our state to deny a person the right to work as a volunteer in a child care position in a church in this state. I told them I am just curious. (ie, I would not want to take this to court, I don't think, I am just curious as to what they would say).

 

[Changing4Best]

I'm still waiting to hear @Nicolette 's opinion, as she may have a different one than Anthony did, or she may not. Women sometimes see things differently than men do, especially when it comes to emotions. I have experienced so many times that men find tears to be difficult to deal with, whereas women understand them much better as the release of piled up emotions that they are for us.

 

[RussH]

"No details of the actual abuse were discussed".

I am referring to the fact that they even needed to have a meeting at all.

 

[The Albatross]

All I know is that the criteria for working with at risk groups has significantly tightened due to the potential for abuse and exploitation over the past decade and a half or two. Due diligence and a deliberative process is the norm here in our church, at our Y's, our Boys & Girls Clubs, and for working with the elderly and likely (though I don't know for certain) the developmentally disabled. Any interaction with these groups, whether it be in a volunteer capacity or not is up to the organization as the liability is theirs. Many churches other groups in our area have stringent criteria.

 

[scout86]

I can totally understand groups wanting to screen volunteers, and I can totally understand that some mental health issues might mean an individual isn't suited for some volunteer positions.

The part of this situation that troubles me is, from what I understand so far, this group asks if you've ever been the victim of abuse and that's it. How about asking if you've ever abused anyone?Just to be fair, because, obviously, a person can and probably would, lie about that. How about asking if you've ever been the victim of domestic abuse? How about asking if you've ever served in a combat zone? How about asking if you're a narcissist, since they can be pretty toxic people and, apparently narcissists usually answer that accurately. The idea that a person would be deemed unsuitable to volunteer working with kids because they were sexually molested as a child........ Me, personally? That's infuriating. But, I don't know that's what's going on here. I just don't think it's an appropriate question to ask. If the question were asked of me, I guess I'd want to explore the reasons for asking because it seems likely it's based on inaccurate information. If they're trying to weed out potential child molesters, I think that's a poor way to go about it.

 

[The Albatross]

There is a whole slew of paperwork to sign off on even to be a volunteer at least in the areas I've worked or volunteered in and yeah, you need to disclose it, if you've abused someone. There are also background checks, sometimes drug screens, and yeah even fingerprinting.

 

[The Albatross]

If you think it's inappropriate, then you don't volunteer. Plain and simple.

Look. Volunteers offer to serve. The discretion rests with the organization. If the process for acceptance is more than what someone feels comfortable with, you withdraw and perhaps seek another capacity. It's called choice, personal choice. If you understand that there is an underlying reason why things are being asked and considered... to protect and responsibly screen volunteers, you roll with it ... if not you don't. That's it people.

 

[digger]

If you think it's inappropriate, then you don't volunteer. Plain and simple.

Or you can challenge it and take the opportunity to educate people. Doesn't necessarily mean they will listen or change anything as a result, but if you feel unfairly targeted or excluded by something, there is nothing wrong with challenging people to look at the reasons behind it.

 

[The Albatross]

Whatever, and good luck with that. I am residing in one of the four strictest states in the union... but go on and fuel Shelia's distress.

 

[scout86]

In a case like this, where it was something important to me, like this church is to SK, I'd want to make sure I clearly understood their reasoning and that they clearly understood mine. If it came down to a situation where they flat out said a person who had been molested as a child could never volunteer to work with children, I'd find a different church because I wouldn't be comfortable in a place where I was being condemned for something that was done TO me, not who I was. They have a right to decide who their members are, it's a private club, but I have no desire, myself, to be someplace where that's the way people see me. (Hey, I walked out of the last church I belonged to because the preacher stood up and said you can't be a Christian if you believe in evolution. He's entitled to his opinion, but I don't think he gets to decide who's a Christian.)

Having said that, I'm still not at all sure that's what's going on here.