Sexual Assault Discussing Childhood Sexual Abuse With My Pastor

[Changing4Best]

My Bipolar is acting up now, because I feel myself sinking into depression, feeling like I no longer wwant to work in my church's VBS at all. I hate this! I am not currently taking any anti-depression medicine, so I have nothing to hold me up emotionally. None the less, I don't show my depression in public. I know how to hide it well. I did so today when I was out. I told others about being sad about something, but I was not acting depressed, I acted like my usual self. It is how I feel that makes me know I am depressed. Also that I was able to shed a couple of tears. That is how I know for sure.

 

[Changing4Best]

If the Pastor refuses too allow me to work with the Children in the VBS or at least be present during VBS in some capacity, I may well decide to change churches. There is a church right down the block from me, not hardly even a black away that I could go to. They use a different version of the Bible than I like (the King James Version, which is hard for me to understand, due to all the Thees and Thous and such). I have to strain to understand this version of the Bible. It is really hard for me, as I am dyslexic and did not learn to speak until I was almost 4 years old. Nor did I learn to read until I was in the 3rd grade for the 2nd time around. None the less, I think, if someone could explain to me what "Thee" means and what "Thou" means, maybe I could understand this KJV Bible a little more easily. I know there are some other strange (to me) words in the KJV too, but I cannot recall what they are at the moment, being as upset as I am.

I just know that I don't want to be near to this Pastor, because of the way she is treating me.

 

[ladee]

@SheilaKathy , I am so sorry this pastor has let you down so. But you are still the same awesome woman you were before your talk with her... Please do not let this take you down... Do what you know to do to get grounded... you are so loved and appreciated.... you have such a tender heart.. Hopefully she has a good reason for not contacting you... if not, then possibly the new church will have something you need and you can contribute in ways that make you happy... Praying for you.

 

[Changing4Best]

Well, I just ordered from amazon.com a KING JAMES VERSION of the Bible. I have a STRONG'S KJV CONCORDANCE, so I guess no matter what, whichever way this thing turns out, I shall own a KJV of the Bible. I have needed one to go with my Concordance, for ages anyway.

 

[ladee]

See, already moving in a positive direction... just a bump in the road... not a major setback... doing awesome !

 

[Changing4Best]

No response to that last email to the pastor yet, so I am more strongly leaning toward going to another church. However, I have a lot of friends in this church I have been going to and belong to. I also hold several positions there, one in the women's group and one as a Bible Study Leader of a Study that is only half completed and is on break for the summer. The situation is icky, because I hate the thought of letting these other folks down. It is not their fault that the hierarchy of the church is doing this to me! I cannot tell them why I am leaving either, it is obviously too personal. So I honestly do not know what to do.

I think I may attend another church this weekend, while this pastor is away, just to feel my way around a bit. I have no idea if I would like this other church. I have no idea if I would feel comfortable with them, or if they would with me, especially since I often have to stand up due to my Sciatic Nerve Pain. I bring a pillow with me wherever I go too.

A part of me is just thinking of giving up and staying at home and listening to some pastor on the internet instead of going to any church. Carrying a pillow into a church of people I don't even know is going to be really hard, and choosing to tough it out and not bring the pillow or not stand up when I need to, to relieve the pain, is getting to be too much for my mind to deal with at this point.

I honestly do not know what to do!

 

[Changing4Best]

Well, I would love to read @anthony 's and @Nicolette 's opinions on this matter. It might help me better decide what to do. I will be getting my Therapist's opinion(s) today as well.

 

[anthony]

Based on your thoughts simply because your pastor hasn't responded to you yet... says I'm quite honestly unsure whether you should be around kids for helping them. Like seriously... you're falling to pieces over rejection that hasn't even happened yet. You've gone judge, jury and executioner on yourself. What the hell are you going to do with 50 kids at you at once?

You say you want to be with the kids, yet because you may be rejected, because your pastor is thinking their decision over... your actions are starting to look like a mad woman, to be honest... which substantiates a rejection that you aren't ready.

Honestly, calm the hell down, and regardless whether you are approved or rejected, why would you change your church? It isn't life or death, yet you're making it to be way more than it should be. How will you handle the drama that come from kids? They really know how to stir someone the moment they see an in with an adult... they will have you wound up and unravelled so fast you won't know what hit you. This comes back to the scope of the situation... you don't have kids, so how are you going to handle them when you're already falling apart not even being rejected yet.

 

[The Albatross]

Agree with Anthony (except the "hell"). The thing is, you were told you would likely be able to serve for VBS in other ways if a decision didn't go in your favor. Also you're thoughts about observing in Sunday School or being a 3rd teacher are solid ones. With a demonstrated ability, even if the decision doesn't go in your favor this year, it can go in your favor next year because you have a record of performance, consistency, and such.

 

[Changing4Best]

Based on your thoughts simply because your pastor hasn't responded to you yet... says I'm quite honestly un...

Thanks for your frank reply, I guess you have some points for me to consider too. Several folks here have suggested changing churches, so I am not alone in that thought. I actually had not thought of it until they suggested it. I will think on what you have said.

 

[Changing4Best]

Agree with Anthony (except the "hell"). The thing is, you were told you would likely be able to s...

She had suggested, yes, that I could work on the decor aspect. However, due to my Lyme Disease and age (mid-60s) I am not up to stepping up onto ladders, not even doing any art any longer. My hand eye coordination is shot and so I am a "retired artist". I could oversee artistic activities by others, which was what I wanted to do for the kids. I suppose I could do that with any adults that are doing the decorating, but it would be a big disappointment for me, one that I would rather not deal with. That is my area of expertise in life, and since I would not be DOING the art for the kids, but encouraging them to do their own art, I felt that was my best ability to be able to help them.

 

[The Albatross]

How you deal with disappointment should be self examined I think.