Sexual Assault Discussing Childhood Sexual Abuse With My Pastor

[Friday]

This is the reason we were all angry in your behalf yesterday. (I assume I am speaking for everyone here) because this is sooooo unjust.

Nope. Not speaking for me.

Her pastors duty of care is not to Sheila, in this case, or at the very most Sheila is the absolute last person /lowest priority to be considered in this scenario. The pastor's duty of care is to the children, first off, and then to the children's parents, who are entrusting the church with their child.

What would be unjust would be to blithely ignore someone being upfront & honest that they are physically incapable, mentally & emotionally unstable, deep in adult/child role reversal, completely inexperienced, and simply hand over someone else's children -that they have been entrusted with- to be used like drugs or alcohol by an addict to fill a void. Unjust to the point of criminal negligence, in not taking any kind of reasonable caution that even one of these issues -much less all of them together- would clearly warrant.

 

[Changing4Best]

In a book which is published by the International Branch of my church, entitled "THE CHURCH AND PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES: Awareness, Accessibility, and Advocacy" it even mentions that some Pastors will have Mental Illness and so why not childcare workers too, since there is never just one person with the children who is responsible for them, but at a minimum 2 and in the case of VBS, many. Why should I be excluded because of my mental illness and history of child abuse towards me? To me that would be discrimination, and as I said, I have grounding technique training and over 25 years of therapy under my belt too, as well as the fact that I am medicated.

Yes, I have emotions, and I feel this here is the SAFE place to express them. I know better than to express them to children. Also it is not a proven fact that women who have been molested as children do these kinds of things to children when they are adults. There are no statistics to prove such an allegation that I know of (and my therapist told me so). Also, I have never had an inclination to be violent during my adult life. Sure, as a child, we all had our little spats, but I have long outgrown that!

Anyway, my pastor gave me the go ahead to do the training to be a childcare worker so that I could be a childcare worker in the church after our meeting, and I am currently being background checked. So there is no need to be concerned that I would harm a child, Ever! I just want to make that clear.

 

[joeylittle]

@SheilaKathy - the pastor has a paid position within the church; accommodation for disability would be (in some ways, in the US) a necessary thing. But even accommodation does not mean that you must be hired, regardless of your disability, if the disability makes it impossible for the person to fulfill the job requirements.

As a volunteer, you do not have the same position as the pastor (an employee). In this, they are not comparable, regarding disability status.

It was appropriate for the pastor to screen you, according to whatever policies she is bound to.

And had she said no, that would have been appropriate as well.

If she asks you to step down from being a childcare worker for whatever reason, that's in her purview as well.

It's frustrating sometimes to encounter limitations being placed on us by others because of our mental illness or past experiences. But it's a reality.

I'm glad that things are working out. My response to your post, above, is because I think it's important and valuable for you to consider why the pastor was doing the right thing, and why she had - and still has - a responsibility to the organization she works for - the church - and does not owe you or anyone else a volunteer position if she doesn't think you are fit for it.

 

[Ronin]

@SheilaKathy, your moralcy or integrity isn't questioned here.

Your general ability to perform required duties to the level healthy for the children entrusted in that organization, and smooth running of the organization itself, is.

The eventual rejection isn't saying you're a dishonest person, of low morale, or lacking integrity, nor does it place you as a perpetrator or criminal.
It only speaks of you not being suitable for that job, at this very moment, to numerous limitations that are better addressed with time.
It is not a judgment as much as it's a concern for all the parties involved, you included.

 

[Changing4Best]

@Cashew I have not been turned down for the job. I am being considered for it as are 2 other persons. And there is a request for others to apply. Many workers are needed for VBS, not just one. So we all may get hired or appointed or however you want to describe being accepted. It is still up in the air.

 

[Ronin]

I'm aware, Sheila.

Please note my use of 'possible', 'eventual', and the like.

 

[Changing4Best]

Oh, OK.

 

[anthony]

Good luck with it and hope it all turns out well for you.

 

[Kailani]

I am sorry about not being able to read everyone's posts but just have to add my 2 cents. I am livid that your church is asking you to divulge such personal information without providing an environment to support the effects of divulging that information such as counseling.... Using info from crimes done to you to hold against you! How atrocious! I follow God and have been horribly abused and tortured in my life and God led me to pediatrics and education and sometimes for doctors and nurses about kids and also as a Sunday School teacher with children. Thank God I didn't go to your church because if they judge you by what was done to you that is a horrible practice- I'd never have gotten anywhere! To me that is a form of religious abuse. Horrible things happen to everybody! For example, because I was robbed or shot at does not mean I am going to shoot at or rob others! If God leads you to work with children, do it! They are not God so please do not confuse that! You are not unworthy to be around children! Maybe they should look at their own behaviors and lifestyles, and the safety of their program. Maybe that is truly where the problem is! Are they all certified in CPR and first aid? Are they following an appropriate curriculum? Are there grounds and rooms safe? These are things they should be looking at! I understand criminal offenses and mental illness however I have told all of my jobs at hospitals about my PTSD diagnosis and it doesn't make a bit of difference! Don't let a single church determine you! Only God! You are invaluable! I never had kids and have been working with them forever! I am sorry you were exposed to this type of process! I feel like meetings, questionnaires on how you would react in certain situations, training, observation, trial periods and supervision would have been far more appropriate means of determining safety of children! I vehemently disagree with the pastor's or church's approach.

 

[Changing4Best]

@Kailani I understand how you feel and at first I was outraged too, before the actual meeting with the Pastor, however, it went very well and I was not asked to divulge any of the details. My pastor simply wanted to know what kind of person had done it to me (a grandfather) and how I was doing now (quite well usually), how it might still be affecting my life (not much if at all), or if it was not (not hardly). I told her I've been in therapy for over 25 yrs and also am medicated. She seemed OK with that and told me to go ahead with the training necessary to become a childcare worker. I will be trained in First Aide, but since I have a weakened immune system due to my Lyme Disease, I have requested that I not have to do the CPR training. I hope that last will not disqualify me, and I don't think it will, but time will tell. I am also being background checked, of course. Everyone who applies is.

 

[Kailani]

Sounds great! Happy to hear! Still don't feel the abuse disclosure is appropriate. Just saying.