Dissociation? Confused That I am Apparently Highly Dissociative

[canucklady]

I am highly dissociative. Now she has me all confused. And to make matters worse I do have blank in memory where I don't remember what I said or did. And in T I have lots of blanks especially when she asks hard questions. I always get so scared when she tells me last said you said this or that, and I have no clue what she is talking about. She is pretty good at reading my expressions and then we have to go over what happened last session to see what I remember and why I dissociated in the first place. It is so discouraging, how am I supposed to make progress in T when I can't remember what happens in T!!!! Then she tells me to keep eye contact with her so she knows when she is about to "lose me", only keeping eye contact is very hard in the first place, so last session she had to keep reminding me to look at her. So frustrating and exhausting. She told me I seem to go on "auto-pilot" when I get triggered, not DID, but am myself only my brain is not getting all the info. I dont know if I am making sense. I used to think I was just forgetful and not concentrating enough when I'd forget things or conversations, now this makes more sense. But now I am scared. And lately I am dissociating alot more, since this is a bad time for me and lots of anniversaries. I wish I can just get over it already.

Sorry, not sure where am going with this post, not sure if it even made any sense. Sorry

 

[reallydown]

Oh yea, it makes sense to me...i've disociated in sessions before too...not fun...I usually don't remember much about it though

 

[anthony]

CL, don't stress, its very normal. The eye contact especially is about trust also, not just us losing it. We look around a lot, we have a hard time looking people in the eye when PTSD is in control. Why? Some has to do with self esteem, some has to do with dissociation, most has to do with this big blanket cloud we have sitting between our memory and our thoughts. Call this big blanket cloud, Trauma. You can't fix anything in PTSD until you have chipped away at that trauma first. This is why I say to people, it really is baby steps. One little thing at a time, not lots. Whatever is on the top of your mind, that is what you chip at, regardless not much comes out of it, but if a little chip has been taken out, that is better than nothing at all because you have been trying to treat to much at once.

 

[GR-ass]

hugs tight

I don't think i have had a session where I haven't dissasociated in. Just how I escape shit I don't want to deal with.
Is getting less the further I go with the chipping away.

 

[girlinabox]

Hi,

Anyone have any advice about how to move beyond dissociation? I often don't feel like i'm in the world, or i'm really listening to people or I can't feel anything. At times I feel like a really indifferent to everything, but I know I am sad, happy, emotional inside. For example, my grandmother passed away last year and and I could not feel anything at all and still don't. I am currently suffering PTSD for another event that occured 4 years ago, but I feel so blocked from from myself. :dontknow:

Any advice or thoughts?

Thanx

 

[AngrySky]

girlinabox, I have no advice. Just letting you know you arent alone. I feel like I have been living two lives my entire life. Inside my head is chaos but there is rarely a really true emotion to events. I just "feel" what I think is appropriate for the event. Like I rationally KNOW I should feel sad, or happy, or mad, so I say that I feel that but I dont really "feel" it.
That is so hard to explain.

I hope you get answers ;)

 

[AngrySky]

HAHA! I just realized that I replied to a thread that is YEARS old! I better start paying attention..that in itself was funny :)