Dissociation In Therapy

[J.L. Pitts]

I was diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder it took a lot of medicine to keep me in my right mind. I was over medicated for 8 years from the time they added that last Anti psychotic I was an impenetrable numb. I dissociated from everything in y life first thing I did was to separate from the love of my life, my husband. For 8 years I lived like that. The only relationship that I maintained was with my daughter but still was not 100% there. I did some alternate treatments in March 2014. I am off three medications and the rest have been reduced to maintenance dosages. I have done more healing since March than the whole eight years. Keep fighting the dissociation! And maybe there is still a trust issue with your therapist. Try to resolve that first. Bless you on your journey.There is hope in the world!

 

[Chava]

I am trying to check in with my body on a regular basis rather than living in my head. When i was angry recently, I noted the tightness in my chest and the elevated heart beat. This is my starting point - catching myself when I check out and trying to reel myself back in day-to-day life.

This sounds good. It takes time to feel safe when working on this stuff. Sometimes I feel safe and settled, only to be surprised a few weeks later that I'm so quick to disconnect and disappear into my bubble. So it does help a lot to work on paying attention to your body and it's cues. If I'm dissociating, we accidentally moved too far or too fast or something, so it's back to safety. But I'm doing somatic therapy (SE) so it helps mostly keep me at least connected to my therapist, like I can tell her (barely) if it's hard to talk or if I feel fuzzy or far away. Or she can look at me and tell me if I look like I'm far away, and hold my feet against the floor (always asks first and I can nod). I can try to "look" around but see nothing, if that makes sense. Sometimes I need something closer, like studying my hand. Blinking, trying to focus on something. If I can actually look at my therapist that seems to be a good sign (she's really nice and patient but when I get fuzzy I am really disconnected from other humans). Sometimes holding a stuffed animal helps.

I wouldn't try to fight it too much as in trying to fix it...just notice the body cues, like you are doing, and you will also begin to be able to notice what helps you feel safe and present.

 

[J.L. Pitts]

I got an email that they werre accepting articles for a newsletter they are trying to roll out and I submitted an article on Hypervigilance.

 

[reallydown]

I used to do this too...I was ok for talking about random things that had nothing to do with the trauma...she would get me to come back but then I'd be sort of there but quiet...occasionally cracking some smartass joke or whatever or just being an ass...Having said all that, try not to put pressure on yourself...I have a feeling it would just keep on happening, the more you do that. Hopefully your T is supportive through it all and doesn't pressure you to talk etc

 

[Ocean5]

I have to keep note pad to write down how to take medicine. When she starts explaining medicine I go "in and out" so badly. It's so confusing - can't comprehend what she is explaining. Just know to take notes.

First visit - I remember kinda "waking-up"...confused why I was there... But I knew I needed to be there...

Last visit was "first" time I felt there entire time. Maybe this will help you.. I wrote things out to tell her about my updates since last visit. I could just read them. When she takes me into her office - I try to notice things - paying attention to her decorations. I think that has helped to ground me. I tell her things I like - like the candle I hadn't noticed before....

Therapist with walking sessions - I'd so like to find that.

 

[watundah]

Much has happened since I wrote the initial post. Some background:
1. I grew up with severe social anxiety from a very early age. School was hell for me. I checked out and spent a lot of time numb and staring out the window.
2. I got fired three weeks ago after 15 years at a job that was well paying but I was bored and underutilized. A lot of the same detachment from school followed me to work.

The job loss is a blessing. I was in the tech field but am an artist so feel a weight has lifted. I'm taking a year off to work on me and what I want my next job to look like. My partner says I seem happier and lighter and I am.

With that 'problem' gone, my therapist has been working with me with mindful meditation. I have noticed that with her guidance, concentration on my breathing brings me right back to my body. We tried it in the past with less success but I think I was more resistant then. I also have the SA that makes me feel self conscious ddoing it in front of her but I suppose that's part of the work. I have some events coming up where I am to sit with my breath and body and check in with what I'm feeling before I go in.

It seems also too basic to do something as simple as checking in on body sensations but it's also what many of us abandoned so long ago. We really do have to go back to move forward.

I find that sitting 10-15 min per day and meditating is helping me connect with my body. And this is someone who exercises and hikes and bikes all of the time. Wierd...