Distorted Thinking

[nimkekaa]

From my understanding, distorted thinking is pretty common with people that suffered abuse. Abusers tell us things to make sure that we don't talk about what is going on. Especially as children it is easy for us to believe the abuse is something we wanted, or something we asked for or that something really bad would happen if we tell.

But what happens when you carry on distorted thinking when your adult. How can you sort out what are true thoughts and feelings and what are distorted thoughts and feelings?

Any thoughts or suggestions greatly appreciated.

 

[Abstract]

Hi Nimkekaa,

If only there was an easy way to separate the two. I often think so much of my life would be relatively doable if there was.

I suspect it is always a process. I think the DBT concept of Wise Mind is a good starting point. Often when our thoughts are distorted then we are only using our emotions. When I have neglected my self (I did this a lot) then I have only been guided by my logical mind and ignored my feelings.

I suspect we can best work out if our thoughts are or are not disorted by starting off using logical mind. Thinking of alternative possibilities. Looking to see if it sounds like the past is steering it. And after that looking at how we really feel. What are our emotions and why are we feeling that way. Are they coming from past or the present.

And then aftertaking all into consideration we can have an idea if it is a disortion or not AND still respect our emotions regardless. By looking at the big picture we can usually decide what the best course of action would be or what direction we want to be heading in.

How exhausting to have to live ones life this way! I have had to do it with every single interaction I have with others or myself. But it is improving if I look back and sometimes is automatic.

I hope I have not missed your point.

 

[ninja]

For me, a large part has come through understanding and processing all that happened to me as a kid: connecting the dots between cause and effect. It has been really important for me to learn to identify what my needs are – independent of others around me. Learning this has helped me begin to discern traumatic event and "littleninja" from the rest of myself. Sometimes it takes stepping away for a little awhile, other times writing (insert creative outlet here) helps. Also, I keep a running log of what I've found to be thoughts/feelings that are distorted and thoughts/feelings that are true, that way I can consult the list when I am feeling a lack of clarity and sanity. I should note that my psychologist has definitely played an integral role in all of this.

 

[Abstract]

Just wanted to add that I agree with Ninja and that the most helpful thing for me has been diary writting and writting poetry. Both focused very specifically on how I feel and why. Connecting feelings and thoughts to the present and/or past that precipitated them.

 

[nimkekaa]

DBT

I'm horrible with abbreviations could you explain what DBT is please.

Often when our thoughts are distorted then we are only using our emotions

This is exactly what happened this afternoon when I had a melt down. I just wasn't seeing I that way at the time.

I keep a running log of what I've found to be thoughts/feelings that are distorted

I really like this idea. I think that I will start a log.

Thanks so much for your comments and ideas. I had no idea what I was hoping to get for responses to this thread but I was in a really bad spot this afternoon and realized that I need to really work on my distorted thinking.

 

[rightkindofme]

DBT = Dialectical Behavior Therapy http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dialectical_behavior_therapy

 

[cat]

Hi ninkekaa

The way forward for me was with therapy. Once I'd got over the embarrassment of telling my T my beliefs about myself therapy became easier. I thought the way I was thinking was my fault that I had made myself think that way therefore I must be the bad person my mum told me I was when I was a child. As Abstract said, thinking this way is exhausting!

Through talking therapy inc emdr with my psychologist I have been able to explore my distorted thoughts & I've learnt to understand what i know to be true & what are the distorted feelings I have about myself from childhood.

Try to focus on just one feeling/thought, take it apart put what you know to be true on one side the negative thoughts on the other. Now try to rationalise the negative thoughts, are they really stronger than the positives, what was said to you as a child to make you feel this way, finding a cause for those thoughts is so beneficial. A lot of battling through this comes from turning a negative thought into a positive one, start with small ones at first.

This takes very small steps, if you work to hard it can become overwhelming. If you have a therapist discuss this with them or ask a good friend to help you, they will be able to guide you to a more positive self. It is exhausting to do but stick with it, very gradually challenging your negative thoughts will become automatic, you will become more confident & your self esteem will grow!

 

[Pencil]

Without an external 'verifier', how do you check your own thinking about distorted thinking. Writing in a journal might just as well perpetuate and reinforce distorted thinking. How does one get past that?

 

[Hashi]

Without an external 'verifier', how do you check your own thinking about distorted thinking.

I'm wondering this too, now I'm no longer going to be having therapy for a while. I've been reflecting on what therapy was giving me that I need to try to find for myself now, and this is one of the things. I think I've been relying to a large extent on my therapist ironing out my thinking. Every week she steered me and my thoughts back into a better direction, and I've been wondering what's going to happen now that won't be happening.

Speaking only for myself, perhaps not having her do that for me will make me take more responsibility for my thoughts. If I'm really honest, I think I've had a tendency to sometimes not challenge my thinking very far because challenging my thinking is so tough and difficult, and I could take the thoughts to her and get support with that process.

At the same time, do I have the awareness and objectivity to know when I need to do that, and how to? I think I probably have enough awareness now to work on some of it at least. I think all my distorted thinking originates in a very small number of core beliefs which I've probably already identified. The same things have come up in therapy over and over - the world is fundamentally bad, I have no worth, it's not safe to trust anyone but myself etc. So I suppose I need to run my thoughts by those distorted ideas and question whether that's where they're coming from.

This is quite limited, but it's better than nothing. Which is how I feel about cognitive approaches generally. I find Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT) much more useful the Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) because DBT includes recognition and validation of what's happening emotionally - hence the aim to be using "wise mind" and accepting the feelings that are influencing our thoughts, as Abstract said.

For me there's something else as well, which is about cutting through the distorted thoughts without taking them apart, adjusting them and putting them back together again like a clock. It's also a kind of questioning, but less cognitive and more to connect to something I'm not sure what to call... insight? enlightenment? plain old relief from having an aggressive brass band playing in my head all the time? Bypassing the idea of whether a thought is real, evidenced, rational or "correct" and going straight to "is it helping me?", "what if I didn't think like this?", "how would [someone I admire for how they handle life] think about this?"

For me, I think it needs to be both approaches - trying to work through the thoughts and trying to cut through the thoughts. I have a feeling that without therapy, cutting through them is going to be very important. After all, I think that's what my therapist has been doing. She hasn't been filling in two columns in her mind to weigh up what I'm saying, she's been listening with the benefit of a different perspective that takes her straight to seeing the distortion. I think I need to bring in that aspect of the different perspective myself now. So when I'm journalling, it's not only about "How do I see this?" but also about "How might someone else see this? What other ways are there to look at it?"

 

[Pencil]

Hashi, as you say, this is very hard work, and I just don't have the time or energy.

Good luck!

 

[Hashi]

Pencil, I'm a bit confused. You mentioned writing in a journal, so I was talking from point of view of how journalling is used - same amount of time and effort, but a different approach within it.

I also see it as something I need to do in my head when thinking generally, for example while doing other things - my mind is so often on the distorted thinking I might as well use that thought space to try thinking something different.

Anyway, that's just how I see it.

 

[Pencil]

I used the journaling as an example of how one might try to examine one's thinking, but it be done when interacting with people, thinking, in the shower, etc. And I think your very focused way of trying to act as your own verifier really shows amazing commitment, and I think it is going to work for you. At this point in my life, though, I'm just trying to survive each day :)