Distorted Thinking

[I Can Do This]

I agree with what was already written above.

I feel my therapy helps me so much. I used to ask friends "what do you think about this" and get to a consensus - that only showed that I don't know my own mind. My therapist can see the distortions quickly because she knows what is healthy and what is unhealthy - friends often don't.

I also feel that meditation has helped me with this. In meditation you learn that thoughts come and go - and when they stay we have "buy in" to them and they become our reality. At that point, we cannot separate ourselves from the the story our mind is telling us - we believe it is real, we become entranced with it. Like viewing a movie - sometimes we get drawn into the movie and feel all the emotions of the actors - and other times we remain detached and know it is separate.

Through meditation I am able to detach myself from my thoughts, and the story. I can see when I allowed the emotions and story to BE my reality rather than just a thought which is always what it is. I am aware I am doing this when the emotion keeps cycling through me - not changing, not leaving, causing me to remain fixed on it, causing me to keep trying to figure it out but I never do. That just ups the emotions.

Even though it can be very hard to sit with it - if I detach from it I can usually find the root of the emotion - the first time I felt that way. And then I can see it is a thread connecting to each event - and then I have my power back and have an opportunity to heal. It is then that I can see what I was really responding to - the past.

There is something valuable I read (don't remember where) that when we REACT we are bringing the past into the present - when we respond we are in the moment.

The difference is that a reaction is automatic, knee jerk, instant, and emotional.
Responding is through our reasoning mind - it is slower, less emotional (if at all), reasonable, and thoughtful.

A response sees both sides - a reaction sees us as being attacked.

 

[piratelady]

Speaking only for myself, perhaps not having her do that for me will make me take more responsibility for my thoughts.

I do wonder about this for myself. What I think I've been relying on the most to get from my therapist is for him to take my thoughts and help me see how they are distorted. I feel like I need to learn to do this for myself. With having my therapist around, I rely on him. Maybe if I didn't have him, I would work harder and learn to accomplish the same thing on my own.

 

[cat]

Hashi, I agree with what you say about relying on your therapist, I felt the same & that was part of my decision to finish therapy.

At first I felt very vulnerable & wanted to contact her daily, but I got through that by writing emails to her that I didn't send, when I did eventually send her one she was very supportive, reassuring me that she was still there to listen & I could book an appointment at anytime if things got too difficult but reminding me of how far I'd come & what skills I had learnt to get be through this important time.

You will find it difficult to manage your thoughts at first but gradually you will find yourself thinking about what your T would say to you, and later thinking it out for yourself. Eventually this becomes second nature & gives you a great boost. When distorted thoughts do come along, most of the time I give them a quick 'is that really true' scan & say something positive to myself turning the thought around.

I'm sure you will do well Hashi, take it a day at a time.

 

[Pencil]

Every human, PTSD or not, has blind spots. The Johari window, for example, points that out. This is why it is so important to have someone else who can make these invisible things visible. Without that, it is virtually impossible.

And that makes me wonder how effective this forum is for actually helping point that out.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I use CBT (cognitive behavior therapy). DBT is a type of CBT, but I got no help from DBT skills while I got a lot of help from CBT skills. One may work better for you.

My thoughts are so skewed that a lot of the time a little voice in the back of my head says "what are you thinking?!?" I know where I go wrong and put my CBT skills to work. (I love CBT for dummies! It was published in the UK and available in the US, elsewhere as well I'm sure.)

 

[Abstract]

Apologies Nimkakaa. As Therightkindofme said it is dialectical behaviour therapy. If you are not familiar with the concept then search "DBT self help" and you will find a lot of information on the website. Including a description of "wise mind".

Its quite difficult and enlightening trying to put into words what I find helpful.

I think for me there are levels of destructive influence that distortions have in my life depending on how much I can deal with them.

The worst is when I don't know there is a distortion. My life and relationships become more unmanagable. My emotions become more unmanagable. My self destructive tendencies become more out of control. My life in general gets more out of control.

Just being aware of the possibility of the truth, however exhausting or difficult that may be, is enough to bring me enough awareness that the general situation improves.

Relationships may be as difficult in some ways but decision making is greatly improved so life goes more smoothly long term. Emotions are more understandable and therefore feel more under my control. Because I understand more what is happening I have a better idea of which direction is healthier and therefore find my self destructive tendencies are more possible to deal with. My mind becomes quieter. That is better than the chaotic scramble going on unchecked.

Being able to see the possible truth, truly understand my emotions and original thoughts and even better knowing where they originated from brings me to a new level of functioning

I am then potentially more able to think of what I need instead. I am able to process some of the past. I am able to right my general view or perspective just a little.

The difficult part of all this is of course tolerating the possibility that what we think is true is not true. That can be very hard and disregulating in itself. Especially if one has had a life time of being undermined or has low self esteem. Or even if one has anger issues. There may just be a knee jerk reaction and a refusal to look at things on a deep emotional and objective level. It can feel "safer" to just rant on or self destruct without question but I have realised that it actually isn't.

The truth is that our original thoughts and feelings are important. They developed for very good reason. They tell us things about the past and even about us as human beings. They are always valid and important. AND looking at more than them is important too. Being brave enough to take a step back and look at things clearly is life changing I have found.

Hashi, I think I include what you describe as cutting across the thoughts in the way I look at something generally. I actually think it has almost become automatic and habit for me now.

I don't sit and analyse things formally in a step by step way. I write and that helps awareness and part of that is always looking at what effect the thought is having. That may mean I need to practice acceptance or just disregard it and as you say cut across it. But normally I still need to investigate after as connecting to my emotional world is really important for me. There are subjects that I am very comfortable doing it with as I have previously done the work on awareness.

Nimkakaa, no pressure at all but if you wanted to share what happened yesterday then maybe it could help to discuss it.

I do think it is a little like grounding in a sense. With grounding one is moving from the emotional, instinctive brain and bringing in the cognitive part of the brain. That switches those intense knee jerk emotions over a little and gives us time to figure things out. Those emotions are important too though of course.

 

[Abstract]

Pencil,
We may well need someone else to point out other perspectives and therapy and forums such as this one have an important place in that. Even then people may be unwilling to hear or thinking of other perspectives.

However, I do think Hashi and others have a good point. Quite often we have have had the distortion pointed out before. We don't intitiallly recogise that it is the same issue rising up again of course. But if we are willing to investigate I think most of us are far more able to recognise it than we think we are.

Let me give an example. An easy one that comes to mind would be eating disorder related. Let's say the person thinks that being thin protects them.

Initially they "know" that is the case. Then in therapy their therapist points out why this is a disortion, why it is totally understandable that they feel that way but why it isn't helpful.

After that if the person is willing to look at the issue deeply they will be able to recognise that that belief is underpinning certain situations. They may not be able to disbelieve it for a long time of course. But it is an important starting point.

And writing is in itself very helpful for me in that there is always some increase in awareness.

I suspect different people have different starting points too. Some default more to not trusting themselves and need to work more on connecting to their emotions and others default to entirely trusting their distortions and they need to develop the ability to examine things from both perspectives.

Regardless all of us have the ability to consider something from both an emotional and cognitive level. We may not get the same insight without anothers input but we will benefit regardless. It is quite easy to see if someone is attempting to do that or not.

I sound like I have it all sussed but I struggle a lot sometimes. Especially to do with trauma and self beliefs. It is very hard work and exhausting. But I have found that the alternative is so much worse. Its like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Do and it is exhausting and hard work. Don't and everything unravels.

 

[Pencil]

The difficult part of all this is of course tolerating the possibility that what we think is true is not true.

I find that this immobilizes me. The more I try to figure out what I *really* think, and why I think what I think and whether it is valid / true / correct / constructive, the more I doubt myself. This usually leads to depression. But this is in the area of relationships, more than any other area. And thinking in this areas is of course tied up with emotions.

 

[Pencil]

Abstract

I posted the above before I saw your second post. I agree with everything you say.

I think when cognitive distortions are relational in origin, (and I suspect they all are) then it needs relational input. And Hashi and Pirate confirmed that - although they are no longer in therapy, they have the Ts 'voice' to follow still to some extent. My eldest sister and I grew closer during the last year or two before she died, as we had the same take on the world, and definitely the same sense of humour. I've found that even now I often think of how she would have reacted to things, and I still follow her 'advice' - or advice she would have given. The problem though, is that we held onto shared distortions.

I think it is often difficult to figure this out when there are a number of people who challenge a belief you feel in your gut is right, and the relief to have that thought validated is immense. It is holding on in the face of opposition that can be confusing.

Be that as it may - I think my original question was answered - external input that one can implicitly trust, is needed.

 

[nimkekaa]

Sorry it has taken me so long to reply and thanks soooo much for all the replies. I felt so hopeless and without options when I started this thread and now I have so many new ideas to look into.

focus on just one feeling/thought,

I find this very difficult because when the distorted thinking takes over it seems like my mind is going in a hundred directions but it seems that this is the best place to start if I'm going to tackle these thoughts.

"How might someone else see this? What other ways are there to look at it?"

I think I will write these questions in my journal. I really like having list of questions that direct my thoughts where I want them to be.
Thank you.

REACT we are bringing the past into the present - when we respond we are in the moment.

I like this. I really like quotes that get me thinking. The last one that really stuck with me was "Do the thing we fear, and the death of fear is certain." Ralph Waldo Emerson. I can see myself pondering and using what you said to figure out where I am in my thinking.

Johari window

Never heard of this before. I will google.

I love CBT for dummies

They have "dummies" manuals for everything. I never would have thought about it for CBT. Thanks for letting me know.

The worst is when I don't know there is a distortion

I agree! I then believe all the lies my head is telling me and sabotage my present with things that are not relevant to it.

DBT self help

I will google. Thanks, knowledge is power.

no pressure at all but if you wanted to share what happened yesterday then maybe it could help to discuss it.

Basically my hubby and I had an argument (can't even remember what it was about now) and then my mind went crazy. I was telling myself I was ugly, fat, that my hubby didn't really want to be with me but felt stuck because of the kids, that my craziness and problems was driving him away, that I was to much work to be worthwhile, that my thoughts right then were crazy and if I just stopped it then everything would be ok. Things like that.

I'm actually proud of myself for labeling some of it as distorted thoughts and that is what prompted me to ask for suggestions and ideas.

So thanks again everyone for all the ideas.

 

[ms spock]

I have really enjoyed reading this thread. I am really working on my distorted thinking. It is really hard. This is an interesting discussion.

 

[ms spock]

I talked to my my psychiatrist yesterday about how distorted my thinking and emotions are and she said that is not surprising given the family I grew up in that caused the complex trauma in me.