Distrusting The World And Inescapable Dread

[risingsun]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. It seems like you have encountered many situations where people or society has let you down in some way. I feel like that too. I feel the safety of being home and the unsafety of the world around me and what I might encounter.

I also started having panic attacks while driving and I truly empathize with that. I try to keep cold water with ice cubes in the car with me and sometimes have to pull over to calm myself down.

I think the key is to start small. Go to places you've been where you have felt safe before and keep saying to yourself, "my encounters will be pleasant." We need to expect the best which will curb our panic attacks on the way there and probably open up the space for beautiful encounters rather than stressful ones.

I find that when I am positive in public places, it is reciprocated and when I am in a bad mood, etc. I seem to gravitate to others who are or they gravitate toward me. You ever notice that frustration, anger, and strong emotions spread from person to person in public.

I suppose we need to be the change we want to see in this world. It is a hard thing to do especially when we have been subjected to cruelty but really it is the only true way to change ourselves and alter the realities, circles, and environments that we travel within.

 

[Lucycat]

I don't know how to be a part of a world I see this way.

Are you in therapy? I don't think you should be trying to do this by yourself. It is so much easier to work with an understanding therapist who will support and encourage you through challenging times. I appreciate that you don't like to go out, but maybe a starting point would be to book an appointment by phone and then have someone go with you to the appointment.

 

[Rebel Girl]

Don't really have anyone to go to appointments with me these days, which makes it much harder to make it to them.

 

[Teasel]

No matter how undeserved the hardship people will happily stick their fingers in your wound and smile with justification because you committed the sin of vulnerability.

This very much so.

It has hurt me over and over and over 5hat people who seem nice to begin with so quickly and so relentlessly enjoy making me aware of the pleasure the derive from treating me with the contempt and humiliation they know I deserve.

I am sick of it. I am gonna do my damdest to change it. People who treat me this way are cruel and weak and I don't respect them.

 

[Whirlwind]

I find that when I am positive in public places, it is reciprocated and when I am in a bad mood, etc. I seem to gravitate to others who are or they gravitate toward me. You ever notice that frustration, anger, and strong emotions spread from person to person in public.

Well said, and its true. I "practice" this often, I make a point to head out into the world with the proper intent, and it helps immensely. I take public trans and just watch people, you can see this so clearly!

I suppose we need to be the change we want to see in this world. It is a hard thing to do especially when we have been subjected to cruelty but really it is the only true way to change ourselves and alter the realities, circles, and environments that we travel within.

I think this is so true and yet so darn difficult. You say alter the environment, I would concur both internally and externally.

I expect for the stop to go badly. Jail. Shot.

I understand completely, I am older and still feel this way. I am hypervigilant and probably will always be to some degree but I find what I concoct in my head or what my instincts scream is rarely representative of the actual situation or event. I remind myself of this often and what my options are, and my likely misconceptions. It takes hard work but I think this can be overcome to a comfortable level, and I'm would think a T could be very helpful if you have access to one.

Best, Whirlwind