Do I Leave?

[Matilda]

So right now I'm a freshman in a very strict and conservative bible college. I just got out of an extremely manipulating and controlling relationship with my dad so it's rather stressful being moved to another controlling situation, albeit in a different manner. I've been under huge amounts of stress and just life change crap in the past year and i feel like I haven't had a single minute to just breathe and process my new life. I know college is important, but the fact is: I really wan to leave. I don't care for the major I'm studying anymore and there aren't many other options here (strict bible college). I'm sure I can get something out of my classes, but is it really worth it? I've been dealing with some really severe depressive episodes where I'm just incapacitated anywhere from hours to days. I'm considers just going home for at least a semester or two, seeing a doctor, go to therapy, and work a steady job which doesn't require too much thinking until I can process my life and maybe even figure out what I want to do.
What do you guys think? It's only the third week of college but if I withdraw now then I only have to Pay a fourth of the semester tuition.

 

[Ghostybear73]

I suppose that depends on if you feel this way because of you or because of your father? He was the one that drilled it into your head that this biblical college is all wrong and you shouldn't go.

So you have to ask yourself, which is hard given the depression and hopelessness that you are feeling, do you want to step back to make your father happy? If so, I would say no. I would not let him (as your abuser) control any more of your life.

Easier said than done, I know as I focused my entire life on trying to please the one person that sold me over and over again to countless people that enjoyed torturing little girls.

You have to do what is best for you.....

 

[Hydrotroop91]

You have to do what's right for you. If this isn't helping and you're not interested in the major why waste your time and money only to feel worse? I would recommend getting help and finding you before being stuck.

I'm here if you have questions or need to vent. I'm struggling with school but am so close to finishing so I am staying. But honestly I wish I would have been diagnosed sooner and gotten help then gone back. I'm too far in engineering to switch.

 

[Lucycat]

@Matilda . You have posted in the forum titled 'Depression & Suicidal Ideation'.
I took your post thread to mean 'Do I leave life?'

Now I have read your post I don't at all think that is what you are asking - so I am sorry I misunderstood.

If the college is not suiting you, then yes, I think you should consider all options and leave it if that is best. It does sound like you need to take time to draw breath and see what is right for you. I did not interpret your post the same as the others. I presumed your father had supported your attendance at this college and you were unsure of going against him.

Whichever way it is - it is your life. There is no point in doing this course if you are not getting anything out of it.

What are your career aims?

 

[Matilda]

I'm so sorry for the confusion everyone. I put it under depression and suicidal ideation, only because I've been going through some pretty severe depression for awhile now so sorry for the misunderstanding and shortened title. Honestly, I didn't mean for the confusion. @Ghostybear73 I actually completely cut off all contact with my father so I'm not doing it to please him since I don't even have contact with him anymore. I'm just beginning to realize that I probably need to start getting real help and I can't go to a therapist in bible college. I also don't feel too sure trying to attempt the stress of the workload when I already have the overwhelming stress of everything else

 

[Hydrotroop91]

Oh I didn't even care about the dad. Just wanted to state that if college isn't helping or what Matilda wants then go find the better fit. Because being stuck in school stinks.

 

[Ghostybear73]

Then in my opinion, go home, go to counceling, get a liitle job, get on your feet and most importantly, take care of yourself. Maybe when you have things settled a bit, you can go back to college.

@Hydrotroop91, life sucks.....being in school is just one of those pesky little life things, so I suppose you are right. :)

 

[Hydrotroop91]

It does. I would have a different major and come back when I was healthier if I had been diagnosed sooner. Spent last 3 years with it not knowing thinking I was just turned into a bad student all of a sudden. And was pleasing my parents by choosing engineering.

So I believe that I could have enjoyed school more under better circumstances. But I can't change it and things will work out. :)

 

[Lady of Longbourn]

Are you more worried about your depression right now or your college? I think your mental health becasue of where you placed the thread. Take care of you and then come back to college or maybe just take less classes.

What steps can you take for your depression? Are you getting help?

 

[KwanYingirl]

I'm not a fan of religious colleges as you get only one side of the coin. College is about strengthening your critical thinking skills. You are depressed. That is serious. If you were my daughter, I would take you to a doc for meds and help sleeping and anxiety if needed, then I would help you find a simpatico therapist. Someone YOU choose, not me. I would bring you home and nurture you through your depressive episode. One things for certain, there are tons of colleges, the world is your oyster. Soothe your weary soul, rebuild your energy. Perhaps work and take a few required courses that will transfer if you find a major you are really interested in.

 

[Matilda]

I'm pretty concerned about my depression considering I've seen It progressively worsen in the past year. I hate the idea of leaving so early in a semester because I feel like it could possibly prevent few scholarships or being accepted into colleges in the future.

 

[scout86]

I'm considers just going home for at least a semester or two,

So, where is "home"? Is it a good place to be? I'm asking because sometimes it isn't.

I went to college for 2 years, quit for 2 years & worked, then went back. It was the right thing to do. I didn't want to be there, and wasn't applying myself. I was wasting my time and money. But, I also didn't know I had PTSD, or any other issues, so I didn't get any help with that and a lot of the problems just followed me down the road.

So, my 2 cents is, if you feel as you say you do, and you have someplace to go where you will be safe, supported, and welcome, and can get some help with the mental health stuff, quit and get things better in order. You can always go back to school.