News Do We Live In A "rape Culture"?

[Deleted member 1860]

Feminism, at it's true core IS simply equality between men and women. However, there are so many facets of feminism that pit women against men (alienating men) and women against other women. I honestly think the movement has taken a horribly wrong turn. I wish we could get back to the basics of equality rather than pitting one sex against the other or arguing that "true feminists don't wear makeup as it's evidence of the suppression of women" (for example...). You'd be surprised at how many different types of feminism there are, and how many are quick to put down anyone who doesn't strictly adhere to their own version of feminism. My argument is that it's turned into a negative culture that furthers the divide between us all rather than bringing us all together to fight for a common cause.

It sickens me to read about rape culture described in this thread. I agree that things need to change. I agree that it needs to be proactive rather than reactive.

I am finally able to see the flip-side a bit better. My worst abuse (sexual & emotional) has come at the hands of females, so I know this influences my view of the whole pro-feminism culture. It's a bit tough to support a cause that pushed you to the side. In college we were told to phrase it as "men rape women"....but oh wait, I was raped by one of your own, so where was my support? Non-existent. The same could be said for male victims. It's not about one sex vs another. It's about people vs a problem.

 

[Kas_Can_Fly]

I posted this link on another post, but I think it adds a lot of insight to your question, however it is not for the faint of heart: http://www.shakesville.com/2009/10/rape-culture-101.html

 

[Muzikluvr]

The fact that our culture cannot point to an abundant number of women who are leaders, equals in our government and in our private sector businesses; gives the most backward, sexist family cultures evidence to show to their girls... that the whole world works the same way (where girls are not valued), but the world likes to pretend that the girls can be equals so the women will think they're relevant. But, when the REAL issues are discussed, leave it to the men.

Women are not a minority. Women are not a special interest group. Women are 50% of our population. Women raise the children in our society. If women change their minds about a woman's place in society, then they will change the world; easily.

As for Feminist being a bad word, it is just another obstacle we have thrown in our way. Feminists today are embracing all of a woman's choices, embracing a woman's right to choose to express herself the way she wants to express herself, and also arguing for men's rights to express themselves and choose different paths as well.

Is there a Humanist movement that I should be researching?

Here is a fascinating link that has provided me with many videos and images to inspire me to think of what our society loses by oppressing men and women into their old fashioned roles.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/juliapugachevsky/women-who-were-fierce-in-2013

 

[Muzikluvr]

And as I told the nurse, I was informed he was my husband and therefore it was not rape.

Isn't it fascinating that anyone can be given carte blanche control over someone else's life, by marrying them?

When I found out that "the only person" who had raped her had been her husband, I asked "Does that even count?"

Isn't it fascinating that a woman could be raised to think this way about her own, and any other woman's right to refuse sex?

Can women stop rape, by standing up together with any victim and collectively rejecting any excuse for the rapist's behavior?

I'm not surprised that A&E reversed their decision about Phil Robertson's suspension. Support for his right to speak his beliefs poured out in all my online social networks. I am inspired by this. I will be searching for stories of rape victims and posting them for others to join together and support the victims. I wonder if people will give my posts the same response. I will predict that by posting all that I find... people will quickly unfriend me because it will be overwhelming to them.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

As for the Duck Dynasty incident, just follow the money. It's about money, nothing less, nothing more. Employers are fully within their rights to fire an employee who reflects badly upon them. It's sickening when someone uses the bible to support hate-culture. It's even more sickening when society accepts it.

 

[Muzikluvr]

Can anyone explain to me why women (or is it just men?) think that women's liberation should include stripping off their clothes and proudly walking around in lingerie?

What!? Right? Since when is that about a woman's freedom? Where are the men who are stripping off their clothes and being respected more? What man is more powerful half naked?

 

[Muzikluvr]

@Kas_Can_Fly Thank you so much for that link!

http://www.shakesville.com/2009/10/rape-culture-101.html

I have seen it before, but didn't know how to find it again. It took me hours and hours to read because it is a lot to acknowledge.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Victoria's Secret says that walking around almost naked is a part if women's liberation! (I didn't watch, but the concept of VS having a "fashion show" is such a joke!)

If anything, I make sure I'm covered because I hate the attention. Who wants the attention of a guy if it's only because I'm flashing cleavage? No thanks.

I don't want men stripping. Please don't encourage it, lol!!

 

[Muzikluvr]

Great video!

I would add though, that there are families who are teaching their boys that it's hard not to rape, and although they should try not to do it... it's understandable that when they feel overcome with the "need" the "urge" in the presence of a girl/woman who is "teasing" them in some way... that they would revert to their natural animalistic selves and take what has been dangled to bait them.

Believing this, then leads to society trying to define "teasing" so women will know where the line is between flirting, expressing themselves, dancing, fashion... and an all out dick tease. As if that will stop rape.

 

[Muzikluvr]

Stricter punishments. No Statute of Limitations. End rape in prison. In other words, don't use it as an effective deterrent for behavior in one aspect of society, and then try to punish someone for using it that way in private society. Condoning it in prison, looking the other way, practically advertising it as a likely occurrence if you are in prison... is only reinforcing the behavior to those who are at a high risk of engaging in it in the first place. Not that only those with the propensity to commit crimes, rape. Rapists are everywhere, and use many different means in which to identify their victims and justify their rape.

More women Judges, might help... but, women are a strange species... they seem to think that they can distance themselves from women's issues by being more like men. So, they separate women into distinctive sub categories, so they can claim not to be like them. She's a whore. She's a bitch. She's a slut. She's a prude. These insults are hurled by women at women. Women who don't respect women.

Teaching logic in our schools. I know this is opposed in science because of religion. And, we encourage each other to pray for our needs to be met, and accept that God has a better answer for us when He doesn't answer our prayers. But, praying for our team to win... or for us to recover from a cold... etc... maybe that's all getting in the way of answering a 7 year old girl's prayer that her daddy will take them home and protect her from the rapist and his family's slander against her.

Maybe God couldn't be there to explain to my Pastor when we prayed for understanding together, that I didn't mean "Jesus raped me" I just was afraid to say the rapist's name anymore because my dad kept saying "I've heard enough about ______. I don't want to hear his name again. And, I'm ashamed of you for acting like him!" But, my Pastor and I sat in silent prayer... me praying that Jesus made this stuff clear to him... and him praying for understanding... and he STILL came up with believing my MOM who told him that I had learned to lie about rape just to hurt people by telling them that their most beloved had raped me.

God must have thought it appropriate to allow the abuse to continue, to add the Pastor's slander against me who then told my mom that she was right about me... because I had just told him that "Jesus raped me" which I never said. I said "he raped me" and the Pastor assumed I meant Jesus since that was the only male I had yet mentioned by name.

If I had never been taught about religion, if we had never thought that praying would "magically" result in understanding... then, my elder (in whatever social gathering place) would have talked to me, asked me more questions and I would have told him everything he needed to know to protect me.

Less magical thinking... more logical thinking. That's all I'm asking for when I speak out against religion.

 

[Muzikluvr]

I hate how people get to "choose" what to believe. I hate how the truth doesn't glow in neon colors. I wish that people didn't think that they could just decide that they want to support someone who raped someone else because they have always liked that guy and he never tried to rape them. I hate how they choose to feel sorry for the girl, but don't change their behavior toward the rapist because they don't know all the circumstances and they don't want to.

I hate how rape is considered to be sex. I hate how people think that the rapist didn't laugh at their victim before, during, and/or afterward. I hate how society thinks that the rapist meant well, thought he had the green light, or couldn't control himself. I hate how the rapist is excused for part of the encounter, and the victim is blamed for part of the encounter. I hate how people think that the victim is just as bad as the perpetrator.

I hate how our society puts prostitutes in jail, but the men who hire them often get away. I hate how our society is disgusted by women who are mired in the abuse cycle, so completely lost in their own victim role that they cannot see they have any power at all... and so they use whatever means they can to tap into someone else's power... usually by manipulation. And, I hate that those women are so hard to change... because whatever we believe about life... we can easily confirm since people come forward to represent to us what we are looking for. We put out the vibe, or expressly announce what we believe will happen and we are met with it through the actions of others... many times because people feel we've given them permission to do it to us by saying we believe it will happen.

 

[Muzikluvr]

"Your words are like a monstrous accomplice...."

http://www.upworthy.com/7-cowardly-...exist-stranger-sparked-this-courageous?c=ufb2

Like an Accomplice!!!

Society's ignorance. Society's acceptance of it's own ignorant assumptions gives voice to rapists and enablers to continue fueling those misguided and manipulated opinions, that rape is not only the rapist's fault but also the victim's. That rape can't be stopped by stopping the rapist, we must also stop women from flirting... too much, or being prick teases. Their beauty is just too much for some men to handle, and that's not the man's fault, that is the woman's... because surely she is using her feminine wiles to capitalize on some man's power and so men are justified to claim payment for the way she has used one of their own. But, payback is often the reason behind rape, and it's not dependent on beauty, or clothing, or money, or the lack of money. It's not dependent on opportunity! even. Because a predator will create their own opportunity.

RAPE is NOT SEX.

Period.

Rape is about ownership. Property. Payback. Winning... and LOSING. It's about hurting someone. Taking something away from them. It's about dominance. It's about destruction. It's angry! It's Vile.

And it has NOTHING to do with sex between two people. And, everything to do with one person masturbating all over the other one and laughing while he does it. It is vulgar, and painful. It is cruel and it is MEANT to be cruel.

The date rape druggist and his partner, described the enjoyment they got in having sex with a girl who wouldn't remember it in the morning. They could do anything they wanted to her at night, while she was unable to move her own body to protect herself, while her eyes were open, her ears were listening, her mind was screaming... but, she could do nothing to them. They laughed at the memory. They f*cked her and f*cked her and laughed with each other as if they were the only two people in the room, and the next morning, she wouldn't remember it and couldn't report them for it. And they did this, often, in their college town. And, now they're happily married to unsuspecting women, who would probably defend them if anyone came forward. "Not my husband" "Not my friend" "Not those guys" Yes. I could say. Them.

Rape is not sex. Not ever.