Childhood Do you all feel this is truly treatable/fixable? Or just who we are?

[grit]

Did your hubby say you were a burden on him or are you reading his mind? I think it is important to take the over-generalizations and get to the gist of the issue. If I was just looking at you and what you wrote, I would say you probably like being a loner but maybe you are overthinking of others may have said or assume think or the society and if you separate the two - you are fine being a loner.
Loner is different from isolation in my humble opinion. Loner is a character trait...but isolation is state of mind or imposed state.

On the surface it looks like your hubby accepted you for who you are - 20yrs is not something to sneeze about but yet you are feeling "a burden" or "bullshit" ...I wonder if these are just your feelings not the feelings of your hubby unless he explicitly express them to you.
Maybe you are on the self-blame tour today.

 

[pam4him]

Well, hmm. On one hand it's good to accept that ptsd is part of who we are. But on the other hand, it's not good to let it control us. I don't know of ptsd is truly treatable or fixable, but what therapy did for me is provide tools to cope so I could function better with it. It's kind of like being diagnosed with diabetes. We learn how to adjust our diet, lifestyle and treatments. It's a part of who we are, but we can learn to live with it. Please don't stop hoping for better, it's the one thing that keeps me going. Hope is what I cling to in the hard moments. Prayers for peace, strength and much hope.

 

[Whirlwind]

So, opinions requested, do you all feel this is truly treatable/fixable?

Treatable, Yes. Fixable...not 100%.

I will always have some idiosyncrasies due to my childhood.

However post then I led a successful life for 20yrs. My 2nd trauma blew me apart and was it inevitable or bad luck?

I have grave losses but what follows me today are the practical ones due to #2. Those weigh on me today but the PTSD part is a low hum at best.

Today I feel very much like my old self, the happy motivated person I was for a long time. Obviously when I am severely stressed under the right circumstances I fall into PTSD. I actually thrive on other types of stressors.

So those are my "tells" and my achilles heel. But "normal" people have their issues.

Today I ride my bike like I kid and I love it so much as it is something I reclaimed from childhood, I am sad that I lost so many important years to PTSD/T#2, I'm more amazed more than proud that I actually survived not once but twice.

I think I have also had some bad luck. :-)

I feel 98% today. I believe PTSD is a reaction - I am not my PTSD.

I am utterly unlike my FOO and always have been. Circumstances shaped me they didn't make me.

Interesting question, thanks for posting.

Whirlwind

 

[Wonder Woman]

I totally get what you are saying about being a professional social isolationist, because I am, too.

For me, it has been an issue of desiring a better life for myself than the one I have had thus far. If you want more from life, then I suggest you carefully, thoughtfully, and with micro-steps look into the possibility of seeking help. (Coincidentally, you are actually doing that now, by asking this question).

I've been working with my current psychologist for about eight years, but only at the end of last year did I feel comfortable enough to share my rape at 12-years-old with her. (I'm not really sure comfortable is the right word, but at any rate, I was able to begin opening-up about this.) Like you, I have had repeated CSA, rapes, and other violence committed against me as a child and as an adult. Plus, people who I went to for help re-victimized me.

So, I understand the urge to isolate and avoid.

However, my prayer for you is that you are gentle and loving with yourself as you determine the best path for yourself. I truly believe that life is a journey and not a destination. Therefore, no need to rush yourself. By the same token, sometimes you do have to take a small step outside of your comfort-zone in order to move further into life. Really, only you can decide if the risk is worth the potential reward.

As someone who is in the thick of processing CSA and rape, I can't tell you what it looks like on the other side, but I do trust it will be better than it has been.

I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.