Do you get afraid of seeing your therapist?

[Wendell_R]

My therapist usually runs a few minutes late. That hasn't been a problem, because she ends a few minutes late. But now she shares an office and we need to end before the next appointment. I am afraid of seeing her today because I want to have my full session time, but asking women for things that I want is my number one trigger. I woke at 5 this morning with a pit in my stomach. When I think of asking her, I feel like a small child who is about to be hit and who is full of shame.

I know she will not hit me.
I know she will respect what I say.
I know I can tell her these things.
I know she cares for me and what I say.
I know that my mind wants to rationalize her lateness (she spends lots of time reading my journals outside our sessions).

I know that bringing this up with her is very important as I learn how to do this in the rest of my life.
I know that I can be gentle, soothing, and compassionate with my self.

This will be hard, but I can do it. If I trust both of us, I can let her talk to the little child who is afraid.

 

[Deleted member 47099]

Well done on identifying and expressing the issue here.

You can print your post out and take it as a back-up, in case you find it very hard to talk about.

Good luck and well done! :)

 

[grit]

Sometimes I find therapy is not so much about what therapist can give or do or say but what the process activates in us and how we, as humans, learn how to soothe ourselves or at minimum acknowledge the feeling, or in advance, name it and see it for what it is a feeling. And if we are lucky to see it the message it contains about our experience on earth so far and the reason this is it now.
So with all that, I am just impressed how much you are congruent with your feelings, your acute observations and you are keen eye for understating you and her.
Take that to the heart. You are already half way through.

 

[Wendell_R]

My session went well!

I calmed myself before the session by playing my self-recorded piano music on my iPod. I have several parts, and it was Little Wendell who was upset. Today's therapist was my CBT/addictions therapist (I also see a trauma specialist), and she has never met Little W. Big Wendell did the talking at first and my therapist clarified that officially her sessions run 50 min, but she often stretches to 60. It's been so long that we've been doing 60 that I didn't know 50 was the nominal time. She offered to move my time slot if I have trouble fitting everything in to 50-52 min.

After that was clear, today was the first time that I switched to Little W in her office. That went well. I'm a bit worn out, but much progress made. Little Wendell played with her toys and sand tray and wanted to know he was loved.

Deep thank you's for your support. Reaching out to anyone is hard for me, and I'm glad I reached out here.

 

[hithere]

wow that is awesome. I wish had such understanding and caring therapists. props to you and all the Wendalls for your bravery! good job.