Poll Do You Have A Fear Of Abandonment?

[Deleted member 20978]

Yes. And it prompts some of my worst behaviors too. Childhood was *about* abandonment, then more recently abandoned in spades. Scary as hell, am a couple years into learning to cope by being stranded on Mars with only my wits to find my way back to civilization. Some days feels like this is helping come to terms with abandonment issues; other days I feel like I'm being retraumatized every time I wake up and remember how much I need to rebuild. Spent so many years puffing out my chest and being above needing anyone, Mr Stoic. Aka aloof guarded asshole. Learning how to not abandon myself, and not abandon others when I feel I might be abandoned. Meanwhile trying to figure if there's some place on Earth where I could afford to buy like a treehouse in the middle of nowhere and disappear from the grid. Easier to not be abandoned if you just don't make any attachments.

 

[Clarity40]

Hi,

I am new to all this and been in a relationship for the past 5 years which I think is toxic and is fueling my usually fairly dorment abandonment issues...However due to my low self esteem one day I am convinced it is all my doing ..on a good day I can think clearly where other days as sad as this sounds I feel my partner kind of gets off on fueling my fears !! How do I know if that is my abandonment fears speaking to me or my gut instinct???
Away from my relationship I have a good job ..2 young children and a secure set of friends ,but relationships I am just miserable at .I tick every box for the fear of abandonment ,my dad died when I was 11 ,I was abused ,my mum and dad had mental health issues ..wow I am surprised I can function normally ,but I do I fight my demons and win usually, other than when they tap me on the shoulder within my love relationships so to speak ..I would appreciate any advice .

 

[DharmaGirl]

I do, and it colors all my relationships. I was in therapy for 3 years with a therapist who worked hard on creating an attachment, then he left for another job. I was bereft. I have a new therapist that wants to work on issues, and I seem to be getting a lot done with no attachment issues since attachment isn't part of this therapy.

 

[Tinyflame]

I suppose I expect it, or expect it's inevitable. :(

But even the term abandonment presupposes someone will be there, or you trust they are.

 

[Tinyflame]

Another way to view it is, there is no fear if it doesn't matter. There's also the questions, is it emotional, or physical or financial? Seems to me, if someone is going to abandon you, they're not worth having in your life, what kind of relationship-quality is that?

 

[7Cs]

I do but somehow I've been married for 12 years and I know he won't abandon me expect through death.