Do you have boundaries with texting?

[The Albatross]

@Justmehere - I totally relate to your opening post.

My boundary about texting is that I just straight up don't do it. I'll call, email, or meet up but I've seen too many people having issues from intrapersonal communications condensed down to just a few words/140 characters and I just am not interested in "going there" with my already difficult familial relationships.

Further, call me old fashioned, but I prefer reading an email (like the good old fashioned "snail mail" letters & notes we used to get that almost no one does anymore) OR having a by phone conversation to be able to interact with people in "real time" and it's so much more fluid and rewarding.

My mister and even Deb almost had to put a gun to my head to even send a basic text on 2 occasions... and my mother got worried once when in response to her question I am so inept at the whole text thing that all I could do was type the letter "k" (like okay) and hit send. (confusing for her and me both so when I explained it she'll send me a text but then I'll call her or leave a phone message) And... not only do I like less interruptions, time without being plugged in to electronic devices, but I also find it is much easier to manage my day to day stress levels.

On relocation I decided not to go with another branch of a national agency BECAUSE they required a smart phone and availability by text 24/7/365 even during a clients shift. Two reasons: It takes away from good elder care when they or a family is paying a pretty hefty at times fee for services and you are texting back and forth with your agency rep on "their dime" (totally unacceptable and I don't care if that's how you want to run your agency but that's not how I view it as an old school/long time care provider). Secondly, to expedite stress/frustration/anxiety/symptom management for myself reliably - I find it much more doable if I can provide little "me break" gaps between activities.

Driving is for driving. A meal is for a meal. Socialization is for socialization. Work is work.... and I like it that way. Multi taskers (and yeah people can tell often times and it leaves an impression) drive me nuts so in my interactions that was my road map for who "I" want to be.

Lastly, though I understand there are business reasons and other circumstances that may require it. It is a big distraction to be dealing with a professional who is providing a service texting and checking their devices while face to face or on a call and I find many people now, who increasingly do this compulsively. I just don't need to foster impulsivity or compulsiveness in my own character, I got enough difficulty as it is.

 

[Changing4Best]

My niece recently started almost exclusively texting me, whereas we used to talk a lot on the phone. Now I feel as if she has set me aside, in favor of her new best friend. However, when she has some kind of falling out with this BF she THEN calls me for support. But give me support, answer my calls, maybe, but usually not anymore. We used to talk all the time. Now it is almost never. I feel hurt and abandoned.

I have not said anything about this. I know I should, but I don't know what to say. All I know is that I hurt.

 

[jaccat]

I don't text. I barely use my mobile. If someone wants to contact me they have the option of Messenger, or landline. Friends and family know that. If it's not friends or family, I don't care.

It's not because I can't. It's not because I'm a technophobe. It's because I have absolutely no interest in it. Never have. I don't want to be 'that person'. I don't see any joy or happiness in it, and the thought of allowing anyone to intrude in my life, at any time of their choosing, is abhorrent to me. I don't want to be constantly available to anyone.

My point of view may be a little extreme!

 

[Sideways]

I don't want my phone to tell me when I need to give it my attention.

Any kind of technology. I’ve been known to yell back when a household appliance or DIY checkout or car door etc decides to start beeping at me.

 

[shatter eyes]

Texting for me gives me more control and consideration.

Talking on phone tires my brain. Often i need to prepare for phone calls even if it is making a simple appointment.

However i do not like mumbo jumbo small talk texts...tires my brain too. I dont like emoji stuff too hard to figure out meaning.

I have boundaries but they seem to change as my mood changes. Most time i feel trapped and obligated to respond...tiring me more.

 

[Cyberluddite]

There's something a bit impersonal about it, and reinforces the need for instant response/gratification (depending on who the sender and recipient is). It's bad enough when you're struggling to reconnect with your own sense of humanity from the traumas that originally disconnected you, but texting and messaging can make you feel like you're nothing but pixels instead of a person. To me, hearing a person's voice on the phone or seeing them on a video chat, that feels like I still matter, still belong. Texting doesn't do that for me, and neither does typing comments on my smartphone.

Yet a lot of non-PTSD people use it to communicate, and it does cause people to be antisocial, depressed, aggressive, even violent. The physical changes and rewiring of the brain, caused by texting and instant messaging, have been heavily studied; the impersonal feeling isn't in your head. Cyberbullying is a growing concern, as a result of that long-term social disconnect, and it's something a lot of communities and forums have to keep an eye out for.

There's no humanity in a pixel. You cannot love what you do not see any more than you can hate whom you do not see.

I've started setting boundaries on texting with my friends, the biggest one being "when we hang out someplace to eat, your phones don't have to be turned off but they do need to be put away." There are many times I've seen groups of people, even couples, who spend the entire time texting and messaging yet never say a word to each other.

Another boundary is "don't text me until after 8AM". I turn off my phone before going to bed every night. Whatever you need, it can wait until morning. Same with when I'm driving -- if I don't respond right away, and it's after 8AM, not getting killed by the other drivers who are texting is a much bigger priority.

I've told my friends and family that I would prefer talking to people, not pixels. Not all of my friends and family, however, share that same need for the sense of humanity. And that's okay, they're where I used to be a year ago: addicted to self-destructive behavior.

You aren't the only one, @Justmehere . You are a person, not a pixel. :)