Poll Do You Have Secrets About Your Trauma That You've Not Divulged To Your Therapist?

[AzureMind]

Yes, and like most people, I just don't feel safe enough to talk about it yet; though I haven't been judged by anything I've said yet, It's hard to trust another person when you've been shown that people who are closest to you can be untrustworthy...so why would a person who doesn't know you be any less likely to use these things against you, or judge them? I often don't understand how some therapist even get into the field of psychology/therapy with little to NO understanding/personal experience with their patients experiences....empathy goes a LOOOONG way with me, and when I feel like I'm not empathized with, I'm less likely to talk, because no real connection has been established.

 

[Red Feather]

I didn't tell my last therapists about the spiritual side of my abuse, because I thought they wouldn't understand it. But this thread helped me realize that it is a huge aspect of my trauma and that if I don't disclose that to my T, I am stopping myself from healing. So with my new T, I told her straight off that I had been spiritually abused, but I didn't tell her any details yet. And then she asked me to write about it! Geez. It was so hard for me to do that! I still don't know how she will react to it. She could think I am absolutely insane.

 

[AzureMind]

But this thread helped me realize that it is a huge aspect of my trauma and that if I don't disclose that to my T, I am stopping myself from healing. So with my new T, I told her straight off that I had been spiritually abused, but I didn't tell her any details yet. And then she asked me to write about it! Geez. It was so hard for me to do that! I still don't know how she will react to it. She could think I am absolutely insane.

It's great that you're taking the bull by the horns on this one Nadia; It's like you're my HERO, to be able to just tell you're new T all the stuff you went through! I don't think your T thinks you're insane; NO WAY; if anything she's probably thinking how strong you are! You've got 'big one's' for that you know? :) Nice!

I swear, you know, sometimes I wish I was one of those people who could just let the whole world in, and make life this simple, sunny, roller-coaster ride, (which it is/can be) but I'm just not 'there' yet to just talk about the stuff...I want to...I'm thinking maybe I could talk it over with a friend first? Or maybe SOMEONE who cares about me? Idk...I guess we'll see?

 

[Lina]

I don't like the look of discomfort they automatically get when I say something about the bad stuff. It's disgusting what I've gone through, and any decent person would be disgusted. I feel bad for them, and don't want them to feel that way.

 

[AzureMind]

Lina, any truly decent person wouldn't be disgusted; they would be empathetic, and sincerely concerned about you. That disgust is in part disguised fear, and ignorance. It's not for you to hold or to subject yourself to, just as the circumstances you faced weren't meant for you to have.

I've learned that when something doesn't 'fit' into more 'simple minded' people's schema, they don't know how to take it because they don't have the capacity to grow with it; it's like their being thrown the curveball you were thrown when you went through your situation. They just don't have the tools to process it. Not your fault at all.

 

[Lina]

Thank you for your kindness. I do appreciate the time you took to write something like that for me. I wish you the same kindness you give to others.

 

[AzureMind]

I spent the first years of my life dealing with an abusive, chaotic home life, and I have no desire to subject myself to more misery, so I'm trying to make every conscious effort to live as stress free, and as positive a life as possible. There was a time when I didn't have a choice, but it feels damned good knowing I do have a choice in my people, places, and things I associate with. I'm sure there'll be rain, but I know it won't be because of other people's poor coping skills any longer.

 

[arvomaki]

With nightmares, I remember things that were long calloused over in my brain. I do not try to hide anything from my therapist or psychiatrist. Mine all have to do with things I had no control over. I just want to get better.

 

[Maggiemay]

When was in therapy 7yrs ago it would have been yes, but after now having 1-1 rather than group therapy, with someone I can trust (I tested her a lot at the start to make her prove she was trustworthy!!) I have been honest & open. Sadly, this has led to heightened arousal, reliving of the abuse & my PTSD symptoms to become more extreme, with things becomming a little uncontained. I know it was the right decsion & left me feeling valued, believed & cared for, finally the abuse has been validated, it did happen. But sadly, it also means I have to be referred onto another service as I am too 'complex' so being referred onto specialist trauma team. I have very mixed emotions about it :s
xxxx

 

[Whirlwind]

I've shared far more than I expected. My mouth runneth over some sessions. Some trust? developing. I routinely cringe later at my "share".

Some things I may never tell. Not sure if they matter...some too humiliating and I fear what they mean.

Maybe I will someday, we'll see. I still dance around in my head during sessions....hyperaware of any reaction on his part...distracted by trying to gauge him. I asked him early on to try to limit his reactions to me, in an effort to be honest in therapy. He does really good but I can't look at him often or I'll clam up, lie or toss a red herring to avoid something.

An unfortunate truth. I think an intellectual conversation with him on a level playing field would be a blast. Instead, I'm his screwed up patient, it makes me feel pathetic. I hate feeling damaged. Damn, whenever I admit that it brings tears.:cry:

 

[sydney550]

I'm usually very open but there are some things I think I will take to my grave. My ex did some really awful and degrading things to me and all I think about is how I didn't stop him from doing them. I'm very ashamed of them even though it wasn't consensual. I've never been able to tell anyone them.

 

[therapybankrupt]

For my situation I was directed to a teaching hospital clinic! I would get new learning therapist and they would change every time there was a rotation. I was frustrated and developed a line of trust because I did not want to share my full experiences every time I had a new therapist. I finally just blabed it all out when I was in a partial hospitalization situation last year. My diaganosis then changed to PSTD and I have a specialist in the disorder who does EMRD with me. The buried is revealing itself.