No it's not the only way. And if it's making you worse, it's possibly retraumatizing you. Did your therapist help you work on grounding skills first? Just talking about the trauma doesn't somehow heal it, because the trauma actually exists stuck within our fear-driven brain. Understanding it and talking does help some with processing, for sure. But what we really need is grounding, the ability to stay present, the abilities to deal with and respond to triggers differently, and #1 a sense of safety in therapy.
Plenty, too many probably. Talk therapy is limited, according to trauma experts like Van Der Kolk. It is part of it, for sure, but it's not the whole thing. I actually can't talk about many of my traumas. While even thinking about it, I go mute (makes sense because trauma itself shuts down the language part of the brain and also dimmers the prefrontal cortex). If I can move beyond the initial threat feelings, with help of my therapist, I can process and form some words. But she's pretty reassuring that I don't need to explain everything, all details, or even understand some of my triggers right now. A second reason talk is limited is that I was unconscious during 2-3 of my major traumas. I will likely never recall this in a normal way that I can talk about, but I do have body memories to work with.
Other options include EMDR, psychodynamic approaches, body psychotherapy approaches such as Somatic Experiencing (SE was created specifically for trauma, and working "bottom-up" vs "top-down"...so working with the safety and regulation at a body level before even having to describe any traumas.
It was months before I even gave my therapist some bits of my traumas. But we were working on safety, grounding, just trying to be in my body, and also just creating a feeling of a fairly safe relationship (hard for me). I gave her more details later, often just in e-mail. But she doesn't need all the details and I don't have to sit there and talk about all of it because, for me, that's not helpful. AFTER I've processed the trauma on a nervous system level (body level), like through finding a completing protective or fight response and feeling that I have resolved a stuck body memory, then I often want to describe what was happening and more memories. And we can do that.
In short, no, talking alone is not supposed to magically cure the trauma. And if it's making you worse, it's a likely case of retraumatization. Getting a little ungrounded as you go is common, provided your therapist can guide you in a way that it never becomes too much. Please talk to your therapist about this. Are there other things you can work on? Are you working on basic grounding skills and finding ways to feel safe? These resources are key. Also let your therapist know it feels like this approach is making you worse. Maybe you can slow down. Or, if its' the wrong approach for you, you could consider different forms of trauma therapy, such as EMDR or Somatic Experiencing. I can talk a million miles a minute and analyze anything, but that wasn't working for my trauma, perhaps because it was complex and the worst of it was from early childhood and also unconscious traumas. So I found much relief and hope in a body-oriented approach where there wasn't the pressure to talk about the trauma all the time.
You aren't doing anything wrong, but I hope you can talk to your therapist about how you are feeling and find a way to make this more helpful to you.
