Poll Do You Still Struggle With Denial?

[becvan]

I voted occasionally. It's not that I deny that I have PTSD, it's more I just decide that I'm not THAT sick and should just do something that will set myself off again. Two steps forward, one step back. So mine is more like pushing myself when I shouldn't be type of denial.

bec

 

[Deleted member 25333]

occasionally when I have major relapses I go through cycles of thoughts that go like "That can't really have happened" And then everything feels like a really bad nightmare and that one thought especially keeps persisting that it can't have happened.

It just can't. Not to me. That I could deal with anything but this and for a moment it's almost like everything is only surreal and if I keep telling myself that It hasn't happened then It hasn't.

 

[Makaili]

I was diagnosed with PTSD about 18 months ago. I often feel like I don't 'deserve' the feelings that go along with it. I feel that there are others that have experienced more traumatic events than I have therefore I shouldn't feel bad. Or because some of my traumas were a long time ago so I shouldn't be such a baby about it. And that I should just snap out of it. My brain has the Shreddie battle... the frosted side says get over it and the whole wheat side says to feel what I feel. Push-pull. Not exactly conducive to healthy healing.

 

[Changing4Best]

I do still, after more than ten years of treatment, both meds and therapy, sometimes try to say to myself, that I really probably don't have PTSD. Then I think of all the things we all have in common here on these forums, and I say to myself, sheeesh Sheila, who are you trying to kid!

 

[Philippa]

This is a subject that has crossed my mind lately. Wondering if I just push myself too much because I want to be in a better place than I actually am in reality? I don't know. Sometimes I really do feel like the symptoms are not there any more and I have more days that are functional than the ones I had a few years ago. Perhaps I have just adjusted to such a degree that I don't notice them so much?

The fact that I am still on this forum and can still find things in common with some of the people here suggests I still am afflicted...and I do have this part of me that so badly wants to just be back to normal. I push myself to go out and socialise, because I get fed up of being locked away in my bungalow.

I want to make the effort to make new friends, so I have people I can actually spend time with, instead of constantly hanging out with the cat...not that I don't love my time with him, but I start to judge myself as being strange for only wanting to be around the cat. Years ago I never would have and would have been totally happy to never see another person again if I could manage it.

I don't know what is going on half the time and am not sure if I really am as recovered as I like to think? I ask myself if I am in denial and to be shown where I am in denial if I am...but no answer comes. I will keep trying with that though, because I want to know, though it fills me with dismay to think I've been kidding myself this whole time.

I just want to get better. It's been such a long process of healing and recovery and I feel like I've missed so many years and could have progressed a lot further if I just had more support from my so called family. But they didn't know what i needed...and they were probably in denial as well. I'm sure they were. That's why it took them nearly 15 years to actually get that I was seriously depressed and not just faking it.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Nope, no denial here...

 

[The Albatross]

Nor I... I yam what I yam.

 

[greycrayon]

Tons of denial here very confused and wondering if its worth it. Its very hard for me to start to let in that this might be part of my life for the whole of my life in one way shape or form. There seems to be a physical denial too as though there are two parts that reside in my body and they grind against each other causing pain. I don't know how to write when I want to express so much more. I am heartbroken and a sense of death follows me at every twist and turn.