Do You Stuggle With Relationships ?

[Fiery27]

As well as having PTSD, I am definitely quite an introvert too. A challenging combination ! I find myself all at sea in relationships right now - easily feeling overwhelmed and not knowing how to kindly withdraw. For the last few months I have been avoiding most of my friends, which I know is not healthy - and just being with a couple of people who I feel really comfortable with and who I feel understand me. I love these friends dearly, but feel I am becoming to much of a burden for them at the same time.

Does anyone else have a similar problem and know how you can gradually get back into some kind of normal life again ?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

Hi @Fiery27!

I think it can be quite a challenge being introverted and dealing with PTSD as we definitely need our alone time, which is something that extroverts simply do not understand. I honestly think we understand more about them as we live in an extroverted world, while many extroverts have a negative view of introverts and think that we are antisocial hermits! The truth is that I, like many introverts, can be quite social when I want to be. I just need to have my alone time every day. I'm not sure what kind of introvert you are, but what has worked for me is to tell people that I need some "me time" to de-stress (I don't use the "I" word as it does indeed have a negative connotation, but many people can identify with needing alone time.) Most people have been understanding, and those who haven't been were self-centered people to begin with who didn't really understand that other people have different needs.

I don't think you're becoming a burden on your friends. Can you reach out to them and tell them that you've been struggling as of late, but do indeed value their friendship? I've found that being open and honest with people goes a lot further than trying to play it all off like everything is ok when it isn't.

I think that its a good idea to ease back into being more social and do things at your own pace. Yes, I think its good to push yourself to go out and see your friends and family, but at a pace that isn't too overwhelming to you.

 

[Fiery27]

Thank you Solara, for your understanding and great comments. It feels wonderful to have connected with others who know what it's like to be dealing with PTSD and how challenging that can be where relationships are concerned.

I do tend to pretend quite a lot that I'm alright when I'm really not. Mostly because I often don't know how to be more honest. I need to work on this ! Also, I know I need to be more assertive as I often spend far to long listening to my more extroverted friends, who of course have no idea how drained I am getting.

I suppose it's all about learning to accept yourself just the way you are, isn't it ? - and being pleased with small steps in the right direction.

I am so glad my daughter found this site for me. It is already feeling like a treasure.

 

[Seasounds]

@Fiery27, yes, I struggle with relationships as you do. Introverted, introspective, and sensitive, while also being a person who deals with depression and social anxiety.

I agree with you, in everything you mentioned:
-socializing, for me, involves developing a skill set, part of which is being able to make pleasant small talk, and to say that "I am fine", (because it is appropriate to the setting), when I may not be.

I save the real truth for my T and my very closest 2 friends.
And as you mentioned, to avoid over burdening any one of those, I try to spread 'talking about my troubles' between all of them. This forum helps a lot, too.

My biggest challenge with relationships, is working through conflicts. It is so situational; sometimes it is best to drop the relationship and at other times it may be best to talk about the troubles and come to new agreements.

I'm glad too, that your daughter told you about this site.
I found this site, in the process of googling, looking for support for 'PTSD and bullying'. A gift of a lifetime, that helped save my job, and that helps me reduce social isolation

 

[Seasounds]

Does anyone else have a similar problem and know how you can gradually get back into some kind of normal life again ?

I forgot to answer this question. I am in this process now, and what I'm doing is trying out being around different groups, where I can interact or not: Alanon groups, a low key community discussion group.

 

[Fiery27]

Thank you for your response, Saetva. I particularly relate to the social isolation. When my anxiety is really high I cope by doing a lot of avoiding - avoiding answering the phone or even ( at my worst ) not even answering the door. I know it's not good, but sometimes I feel like I will shatter into 1,000 pieces if I interact with people when I am feeling that way. I always feel bad about it afterwards though and struggle with that.

I tend to do anything to avoid conflict too. Most definitely I am using avoidance as a defence mechanism.

I do find being in a group extra hard, but I can see that it could be helpful, especially if you could feel free to talk or not. Thank you for all these things to think about.

I'm glad you have found this site so helpful too.