Do you tell the truth in therapy?

[lynn T.]

Trust in the therapist also matters and I suppose that is dependent on a lot of factors such as time spent with them, your satisfaction with how you feel after a decent number of sessions, how vulnerable you feel to opening up. Since we have experienced traumatic events, maybe it takes more time to feel comfortable opening up. I usually felt like talking in general, then going into specifics as I felt more comfortable. If we repress or hold back, it has a way of re-surfacing in some other session/conversation.

 

[Orange Phone]

Truth yes. But its a long journey.
And its not that he is possibly withholding the truth but coming face to face with it, in the presence of another can be so daunting. We are going against our trauma and societal norms. Especially for men. For everyone, but I think men are even more expected to be stoic at least in US culture. Our push for "grit" and "independence" and "stoicism" are deeply ingrained.

Like when I was going to see my psychiatrist, whom I love, my therapist said to let her see what she sees. That we often put on our "best face."

And trust, I think there are many layers to trust. I actually walked into my current T and after meeting her decided I would open up and be 100 truthful. There was that level of trust I had, the trust in myself to take the risk. But the true trust I have in her is different a year later.

 

[shimmerz]

Always. It’s my truth not necessarily anybody else’s. I recognize that. My therapist calls at my story. I feel like it’s best to tell my story so she and I can iron out any inconsistencies.

 

[Freida]

Why wouldn't you be truthful? Weakness??

You've met me right? :laugh:

I tell the truth -ish. Not at the beginning because the self-hate was so bad. The things i did to stay alive were just not thinkable. There was no way I was going to talk about them because I had no idea what the reaction would be. Would they throw me out of their office? Send me to jail? Tell me I deserved it all? There was no way to talk about it that didn't get me punished. And there was no way to get someone to understad the things I did were out of desperation.. What I had done was simply not .... forgivable.

Plus the weakness aspect was just.... overwhelming. Telling the truth meant I had to admit what a loser I was, that I couldn't handle my crap, that I cracked. And between the military and dispatch the idea that I cracked enough to have to be on disability was just.... Bottom of the heap of the losers pile. I'm years in now and it's still hard to be truthful even though I trust the people I'm working with. And I'm a long way from making the jump that my traumas were so severe I need to stop working to deal with them. Nope - its me being weak.

And the C&P? I barely even remember my first one because it was about telling them EVERYTHING. Ya, walk into a room with a person you have never met who is going to judge you and determine your future but only if you spill your guts about the worst things that have ever happened. They aren't there to help you. They are there to decide if you are worth helping. Big difference.

Another thought for J - how much of what he did was classified? If the military tells you that you are not allowed to talk about something you don't. So how does he separate the "mission" facts from his "feelings" facts without divulging classified info? If he sees a civilian T that is going to get even more complicated.

Long convoluted answer for "yea sometimes yes, sometimes no" :laugh:

 

[joeylittle]

I didn’t, at first. I thought I could get away with an abbreviated version of the truth, work through it, and that would be enough (or I could deal with the rest of it on my own).

That plan didn’t actually work...so I did end up telling the whole truth.

I still tend to keep some things back, but I do my best to challenge myself to say what’s on my mind and not avoid too much.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Like the title says, do you tell the truth in therapy?

Yep, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...now. 9 yrs later and my therapist knows everything down to the itty bitty most embarassing details.

That said, it took me a year to tell my therapist why I was really there. For a year, I would only talk about my family. Then it took 2 yrs to get all of my remembered trauma out of me. And then another few years for those really embarassing things.

I say that to say

But I have my suspicions. Why wouldn't you be truthful? Weakness??

Absolutely NOT weakness! If that were the case, we wouldn't of survived our traumas! There are many reasons. Fear of being vulnerable. Fear of abandoment. It being VERY HARD facing the trauma again. It hurts like hell. We went through it once, it's not easy, AT ALL to go through it all over again in therapy! But weakness is no way on the scale of why one wouldn't tell the entire truth in therapy and suggesting so is almost offensive to be honest. Just my opinion though.

 

[Friday]

Another thought for J - how much of what he did was classified? If the military tells you that you are not allowed to talk about something you don't.

Yeah. There’s also that.

Is it weird that it doesn’t even occur to me that shit is on the table to be discussed?

First Rule of Fight Club, you do not talk about Fight Club ...I can set aside when the stars align, on the blue moon, blah f*cking blah me stuff pride blah... but does anyone honestly expect oathbreaking and treason? I can’t even wrap my head around that concept. It’s insane.

 

[Mach123]

It's not that simple. I used to use the truth to do myself damage and tell myself I was "doing the right thing." I didn't know the difference though and as I said when this came up last time, when you see your friend and she put on a lot of weight since you saw her last are you going to say it? It's the truth, right? Ok there's a lot of factors and that's comparing apples and oranges but. You have to have enough discernment, especially considering we have our "condition" not to be inconsiderate or unnecessarily hurtful. I have to ask myself always (and this is really hard) what's my motivation for saying that? I'll tell you right now I'm guilty of saying things just to piss her off. Why would I do that? Lol. So be good boys and girls and always tell the truth. Just be considerate of yourself and your therapist while you're doing it.

 

[LuckiLee]

Let me address @lostforgottensoul....you misunderstand me! The last thing I would call my big tough Ranger Man is weak!!!!! He's the strongest gentleman I know! What I was asking is if he wasn't truthful because he doesn't want to look weak in front of his T. ✌

 

[LuckiLee]

Thank you all so very much for taking the time to answer my question. Much appreciated! However I guess I wasn't clear. I don't know if he's truthful about his symptoms. How bad his nightmares are. The fact that he wakes up nauseated and puking most days, the anxiety, depression, anger, etc, etc. He's trying to get his ssdi and pension. Yet tells the ssdi lady " he doesn't really need it, only for a short period of time". I told him he has to be honest about his symptoms and the effect PTSD has on him. He is a HIGHLY trained combat veteran. He can't look weak in any way. Ever! And in his mind PTSD makes him weak. He had group this week and i think they actually addressed this with him. He said "I'm finally realizing I'm a disabled combat veteran". That's a sad day for my guy!! I just want you to know how much I value your thoughts and have come to love you all in a PTSD forum kind of way. XOXOXO ❤ HAPPY THANKSGIVING to all of you!

 

[Mach123]

Let me address @lostforgottensoul....you misunderstand me! The last thing I would call my big tough Ranger Man is weak!!!!! He's the strongest gentleman I know! What I was asking is if he wasn't truthful because he doesn't want to look weak in front of his T. ✌

YES. This is terrible for men. I don't want to go on about this but of course you are right. Even going to a therapist at all.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Oh, I see @LuckiLee! Thank you for clarifying!

But, personally, looking weak wasn't on the radar of why I didn't tell my therapist the truth for so long. Maybe looking like a "monster" and maybe that's related to weakness? I'm not sure.

A big thing that I didn't mention before is my trauma is my secert. And it was going to be taken to my grave as never telling a soul was tortured in me very well. The fear of them finding me, after 15 years of seperation from them, was so strong that I couldn't say it outloud and had to pass notes with my therapist for a long while and then even when I spoke it, it was whispered. In a closed office.

And then, if a veteran, there are things they truely cannot talk about. Symptoms show trauma. So, for a vet, they may not be able to tell about certian symptoms because then it would show their trauma that could be classified info.

Another big thing for me was trust. Which is another reason why it took me a year to disclose any of my trauma to my therapist and why I was really there. It took me a year to build up the trust to.