Do You Think The Past Or The Present Contributes More To Stress And Si?

[moshpitmunkey]

For me, its kind of a bit of both because the past has greatly affected my present in immense way but present happenings that remind of things that have gone on in the past cause me to feel suicidal. Its the feeling of things will never change or im stuck and I'll never get out of this sh*t hole feeling that sends me spiraling.

 

[Tinyflame]

Thank you everyone. I can't respond properly but to say,

God, what a freaking vicious cycle when you actually have all the dots connected....

Yes @shecat that's the line I'm thinking too, as possible explanation.

the past has a huge impact...it's seems the natural line of thought for me when I am bogged down with stresses of today. My mind goes down the road of hopelessness and the feeling of no escape.

No escape seems like a common perception for us, I think.

Gentle hugs for you my friend.

Thank you for the offer @ladee , to you as well. It's something people don't want to talk about, shun, avoid, or are disgusted by. But I can't say I blame them. Irl the veneer works best.

@gizmo I'm glad. :hug: For the purpose of figuring out any connection I don't think it would have to include SI as a consequence (thankfully).

a kind of double-layer of stress... Moreso, that it's going to be like this forever. So, then the future hovers over the past and the present.

Totally understand this @joeylittle . A triple layer?

The things I cannot put right. Because they're in the past.

This is what I'm wondering @Friday . Because I was thinking I don't feel responsible for some things that are or have occurred in the present, yet I feel all the blame & shame. Why? Maybe that's what I felt as a child when similar occurred?

but present happenings that remind of things that have gone on in the past cause me to feel suicidal.

Again, this. ^^ Moreover, missing the 'obvious' connection/ similarity.

I'll never get out of this sh*t hole feeling that sends me spiraling.

Again, trapped. I think I equate the trapped feeling to not only being on an inescapable receiving end of other's actions, & where no reaction of my own will seemingly either end it or end well or it will be inconsequential, but I also feel trapped if I perceive the preamble- being vulnerable around people who couldn't care less or worse, phoniness or deceit, etc.

It would also explain why a simple 'bad date' (not the worst) sent me spiraling, & really to a level down quite outside of my consciousness (or admittance).

Sweet dreams to all. Thank you for your wisdom & kindness & responses. :notworthy: :hug:

 

[Tinyflame]

I also notice, it bothers me to hear carte blanche statements: "tell your family, tell your friends, -tell someone" , for that matter. Simply because there's all different experiences: people/ children who didn't tell (you can bet there was a reason), or if or when they did it was made worse, or minimized, or ignored entirely. I think that reinforces the futility of speaking up, disclosure, it makes even that feel shameful, since we as humans do not exist in a vacuum but rather reflect how others treat us, even form our identities from it, at least in great part. I don't think it's surprising why so many people on the forum say they are voiceless or wish to disappear, we hide stuff a long time.

 

[LostInCPTSD]

I also notice, it bothers me to hear carte blanche statements: "tell your family, tell your friends, -te...

Very insightful junebug, I agree..

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes I don't think for many of us we or it is too important a priority to others.