Do You Think You Can Have Some Form Of Ptsd From Divorce?

[catlover26]

I was married for 30 years. He for several years emotionally neglected and I think I would consider it also emotional abuse. I had severe depression and fatigue and one time could barely get out of the bed and he would never check on me. He could have sent one of our children. We were separated in our home for 2 years. If it wasn't for a small amount of inheritance money I would not have been able to leave him.

It really wasn't leaving him that was so upsetting it was having to learn how to start my life over. I think even more of my trauma and shock came after I left and started working because I had been a stay at home Mom. I have some back problems and can only work part time. With added health and financial problems I know I was in a lot of shock the first year. I am better but still find myself stuck in depression sometimes even though I have met a wonderful Vet with ptsd which led me to this forum.

Maybe I am not severe enough to actually have it. I know I am better but I still will not go out and do things by myself. I don't seem to enjoy many things that I used to. I am able to pay my bills now but it is very tough. I have started back seeing a counselor every two weeks and she is ok. I really don't know what else to do to find happiness again. Weekends are really tough.

 

[twinkle30]

My aunt was diagnosed with PTSD after her divorce to her mentally and verbally abusive husband so yes it is possible to get PTSD from divorce. Robert from Shark Tank did not mention the word PTSD but he did say after his divorce when his kids wouldn't talk to him he reaches such a low point he thought of taking his own life. I think therapy is very important after a divorce.

 

[Justmehere]

That is a really awful horrible and even traumatic event to go through a divorce.

The divorce alone could be grounds to develop all kinds of symptoms for any number of mental health conditions such as depression, etc. you have been through a big loss that likely has a lot of grief mixed in.

A divorce alone, even very difficult divorces, is not generally a type of traumatic event that brings on the specific mental health diagnosis of PTSD. The traumas listed with the PTSD criteria are pretty specific because they impact the nervous system in a particular way.

If you have been through a life threatening event, or witnessed someone else life be threatened or suddenly lost, then that could, but doesn't always, lead to the development of clinical PTSD.

As for verbal abuse, if it threatened your life or made you physiologically fear the immenent loss of your life, then that could qualify as trauma that could later lead to the development of PTSD.

No one here can diagnose online and it may be a good idea to seek out the opinion and assessment of a trained mental health professional.

Even someone who went through a divorce in the best of circumstances could likely benefit from some theraputic support. It's is so tough to lose someone you once loved. The loss may have even stirred up old attachment wounds or all kinds of different struggles.

Your loss is real. Your pain is real. If you don't have PTSD - that doesn't make it any better or worse than what others are going through. I encourage you and others who have been through divorces to be wary of needing a clinical mental health diagnosis to validate the real pain and loss you have suffered.

 

[Friday]

Sounds more like Adjustment Disorder.

 

[KwanYingirl]

I have PTSD but my divorce didn't add or subtract that. It caused acute stress which sounds like what you're experiencing. Unless you experienced something that threatened your life or you witnessed a fatal or near death scene you don't meet the criteria for PTSD. Only a trained mental health provider can diagnose you. However, the criteria for PTSD are readily available on mental health websites.
You may find it helpful to join a divorce group therapy to help you process the loss and grief you are experiencing. If you are clinically depressed then you need to be treated for that. Sleeping away your life sounds like depression. There are many things you can do to help recover from a bad marriage. Perhaps you could try to reframe your thoughts of working. You state that you were a stay at home mom. Do you resent that you don't get to stay home and not work outside of the home? That would certainly be stressing you out. Instead perhaps you could give yourself a big pat on the back for summoning the strength to be independent. I don't think we ever truly get over the loss of a marriage, but it will fade into the background of the new life you are free to build for yourself. The world is your oyster, embrace the freedom to make your own choices. Choose to be with people that make you happy. Join activities that make you happy. Yes, the chores of a household are ever present, but there is plenty of time to feed your soul. I hope for your sake that your stress is acute and not post traumatic. I can't state it enough-surround yourself with people that make you smile. A good sense of humor helps depression.

 

[catlover26]

Even though I moved to a somewhat larger town with a population of about 45,000 it is still pretty small and I haven't been able to find a divorce support group. I called several of the larger churches here thinking they would have something but it seems no one does. And I asked a counselor I was going to at one time and she didn't know of any. Sadly, I think people that have been through divorces can get overlooked.

Making friends has been a difficult thing also. I don't have any connections or family in this area. The few people I have known in my apartments have moved out. I guess work just tires me out that sometimes I worry about not having friends but then with my health problems I am just trying to keep myself rested to make it to work.

I see a psychiatrist and have been on an anti-depressant for years. I did recently start back going to a small church. I will enjoy talking to the people there. I don't know that I will really end up being friends with any of them.

I am proud of what I have accomplished. I am a changed person now. So much more thankful of every little thing in life. It completely changes your perspective on material goods and what really is important.

I met my Vet with ptsd a little over a year ago. He has been my best friend and companion. Although in the past several months he has had more depression and issues of his own. But I still go over to his place usually twice a week. Sometimes we do have a lot of fun and laugh a lot. Lately it depends on how he is feeling. Thankfully now he seems like he might be on the upswing.

My Vet is an Alcoholic. I know alcoholism is terrible but at least they have AA and each have a sponsor. Why doesn't someone start something like that for those recently divorced? I know I am much better off away from my ex but at first you feel like you are thrown out in the deep end barely knowing how to swim.

 

[Friday]

Just chiming back in to say I know divorce can be brutal. My own was ugly as sin (hey, at least it matched the marriage! :p). I went from being a stay-at-home-homeschooling-mom & part time university student (my kid & I both had outside classes ;)), with my son's life *almost* perfect (seriously set to catapult him into wherever he desired in life; and full of books, music, travel, sports, friends)... In a low to middle six figure marriage that had started out at minimum wage (I put my ex through school, and we were just beginning to reap those rewards after almost 10 years of poverty on a shoestring!)... To pure pain.

Spoiler: My own hot-mess divorce drama

Inside of a year my son was an abused kid (his father had spent less than 6mo with him his whole life, and I could protect him, now he had 50/50 custody, and he was putting him in the hospital 2-3 times a month), in a crappy public school, I was 80k in debt, my home was being broken into 2-3 times a week, constant stalking and harassment meant I couldn't work or be in school (not from stress, from my ex dropping me from my classes and harassing my employers so I'd be fired; so it was this ongoing merry-go-round of almost getting up on my feet to knocked flat on my ass again), my home was in foreclosure, my ex had moved all of our money off shore / his $1000 an hour attorneys meant he could never pay a dime of what he was court ordered to because they kept filing nonsense that delayed everything, no power or water for over a year, 18mo of quasi-homelessness after that... Just a f*cking nightmare.

If I didn't have PTSD before, my son's abuse & my powerlessness to stop it outside of murdering my ex? (I tried, and "succeeded" in every legal route; my ex has been found guilty many times over, that's where the 80k went... He still has 50% custody. I hate this f*cking city and their 2 parent bullshit. My son would have to die for my ex to lose custody. He still gets his "parenting time" when my son is in the hospital because of my ex. Legally proven because of the rat bastard.). Might have qualified. It certainly pushed me into a helluva PTSD tailspin.

So on top of never knowing from week to week if my son would live, being broke, jobless, stalked, harassed, and all that fun stuff? Great... Now my past has to slam into me like a freight train. That's just lovely. Exactly what the situation calls for :wtf: Snicker. Of course that's when the military decided to add some flaming hoops to the mix. :banghead: Can't win for losing. It's been 4 years since I left him, 3 years divorced, 6mo post military shenanigans ... And things are finally -maybe- starting to settle down. Granted, I'm still broke/jobless/quasi-whatever. But everything is temporary. One of these days, something will work.

Yep. Divorce can be brutal. Sometimes everything in your life gets taken away and you're left starting over from less than scratch / in a worse position than where you were. Life is like that sometimes. In my experience, though? Keep moving, and one of these days that direction will be forwards.

 

[catlover26]

Just chiming back in to say I know divorce can be brutal. My own was ugly as sin (hey, at least it m...

Well quite a lot in common! I homeschooled too! That is why I don't want to ever say those 30 yrs of mine were wasted years. As a family we had fun together in the younger years especially. Homeschooling my kids was a great experience with treasured memories. My daughter thrived in it. Our adopted son wasn't the 'book' type and it was more difficult with him. He is 21 now and is trying to decide what he wants to do with his life. He plans on enlisting in the Marines so although I will worry about him I hope he will follow that dream he says he has.

Sorry about your awful divorce. Yeah, you think it would never happen to you. But looking back all of the warning signs were there.I haven't read your 'story' yet. My ex changed into someone I just didn't know anymore and he just didn't care that I wanted a divorce. Didn't want to change his workaholic habits nor go to counseling. But we were basically disconnected for 2 years, we just weren't officially divorced yet.

 

[catlover26]

Wow! I am so sorry all of that hell that you went through. I need to be thankful that I just 'faded' out of my ex's sight never hardly to hear from him again. Can't believe your ex got partial custody. The legal system is a bunch of sh$t!! When my Mom passed away we found out our brother had basically talked her into changing the will and we had to go to court to be able to sell their home. We paid a fortune in legal fees just to be able to sell the house. We never got the chance to get our share of belongings out of the house. Not that we wanted any valuables but we got just a little bunch of crap in boxes he sent us. I basically lost my Mom and brother on the same day because my sisters and I will probably never talk to him again. He had verbally abused her and used her money and then wrote us terrible notes and spread lies about us to my father's friends. It was a terrible almost 2 yr ordeal.

I hate to think about going through all of that that with my brother that started about 4 yrs ago then leaving my ex almost 2 yrs ago. I would have had more inheritance money but I put it in a joint savings account that my ex kept transferring it to checking. At first he would tell me that he needed it to pay some bills but then he was just wasting it. He was going out to eat all the time. I have no idea how he used that much money. It had to have been several $1000's of dollars. Maybe $10,000 over the course of 2 years. It could have been more than that. I had depression and other health problems and just wasn't doing anything about it. I have to try to forget about that happening because it is hard because I feel financially I would not be in such a rough shape if I had had some of that money. I should have transferred it sooner to another bank but for some reason I was intimidated and didn't do it. Oh, so glad to be out of the crap!

 

[Deleted member 1860]

No.

Divorce doesn't qualify for full blown PTSD.

What you mention is abuse, and it is the abuse that causes PTSD, not the divorce. You're linking events and saying that the divorce was abusive so therefore divorce causes PTSD....well, not really.

 

[intothelight]

A divorce does not cause PTSD, but domestic violence is a huge cause of PTSD. The divorce and related stress can be the catalyst that make symptoms spike and also, symptoms can really flair up when a person is out of an abusive situation. Somehow our brain can decide when we are really safe that it is time to unload the crap that has been held back.

Regardless, counseling is an excellent idea and you deserve to live your life without the burdens that untreated issued can bring.