Do Your Flashbacks Come In Themes?

[Friday]

It took me a couple years to notice that most of my flashbacks come in waves of themes, directly tied to whatever is currently going on in my life. Transitions, not being able to protect someone I love, being too late, doing the wrong thing, regret, etc..

I’ve talked before about how it seems as if my brain thinks I’m too stupid to live, and keeps throwing more and more, harder and harder things at me, faster and faster; the less I listen/change/stop whatever it is going on in my life that is echoing the past. I’ve never actually been able to change what’s going on in my life in the present, that has woken up the past, so IDFK what would happen if I were able to.

Been curious for awhile how common that might be?

Ditto, whether or not anyone has ever been able to break that connection between now & then?

 

[Kubash16]

Sometimes, but sometimes not unless I’m just not making the connection. Which is entirely possible because I’m still learning.

 

[Abstract]

Definitely find that at least at times. And like Kubash I'm not sure I'm self aware enough yet when it comes to flashbacks to know.

Yes I have managed to change present day stuff and it has seemed to me that it maybe contains the related past stuff coming up even though it doesnt switch it off. It feels to me like a cascade or a domino line that has been set off. One link pulls the other link over.

 

[Warrior Chicken]

I understand the brain throwing more challenges, harder and faster directly at you. This happens to me too and it brings my fangs and claws out when I can’t maintain quality output and performance, and when I fail.....then it slams me to the ground.

I’ve often thought of it as my brain trying to train me to be stronger or better than I was when things went wrong. But when things go wrong i turn on myself and it transforms into evidence of why I’m horrible/evil/weak.....you get the idea. ?

I have only recently noticed the themes, still not solid on identifying it’s a flashback unless is damn obvious or I’m entirely re-experiencing a piece of my trauma. The themes for me seem like tasks my brain needs me to complete/process before I can move on. If I’m doing relatively ok with one, then it throws more at me.

I don’t know if this is how the brain tries to build resiliency??

It sucks cuz I am not good at managing it......so for now, the bottom falls out and I land on my face.

 

[Abstract]

I am behind when it comes to self or general knowledge around reliving related stuff but have merely thought of the reliving as: unfiled data of and trauma experience and the intense moments brain holds onto as a way of flagging danger. The latter may not be the professional take and rather mine. Not sure. So when I experience this type of cascade I merely think of it as if I have taken a book off the shelf and then accidentally lodged off the shelf all the related books not properly filed and precariously balanced. And all the books that are related that brain thinks flags similar danger.

I dont see it as learning. I see the re living part of it as badly filled books. The present day stuff is different to me and about how healthily I am reacting to the present, how well I am managing myself and it and if I am not then why. Yes it relates to the past of course and I can of course not easily separate anything at the time but I see them as two different problems when it comes to solutions. If that makes sense at all.

 

[Skywatcher]

Lately, I keep hitting the same horribly painful emotion as if it’s an invisible brick wall that is right in my path at full speed. It all centers around my therapist being out on vacation or the new boundaries she added in order for me to stop being too dependent on her. We will do emdr and it will link to abandonment by the people that did harm to me. Same theme. Feel like I am not getting anywhere and I am very unstable right now and it really sucks. This theme is that I have no value and that I don’t matter.

I have also gone through the theme of powerlessness that tend to show the same visual flashback over and over again. Those are usually set off by situations at work.

 

[ladee]

Mine are emotional flashbacks, and I instantly know how I'm reacting is not who I am today. And for some things, the only way I can handle myself is to simply stay quite and not react. Sometimes it works, sometimes I'm reactive and then see it.

To stay quite does not mean that a tornado is isn't going on in my brain... because it is. I have worked at not giving my power away, and so far, this is the only thing that has helped. But being able to stop it completely, no where close.

I forgot to mention, that the 'theme' is usually someone scapegoating me. That is one that I still react to, but am working on.

 

[ILoveLife]

Been curious for awhile how common that might be?

Usually the theme is "What Sietz Hasn't Dealt With Yet" - which used to cover a lot, but now just details or specific situations that I haven't processed well enough yet.
They're sporadic and fleeting now.
Like @ladee I get thrown into more of the emotional kind, and often the theme is "Lack of control" (over myself or what happens).

Ditto, whether or not anyone has ever been able to break that connection between now & then?

Yes!
I had a post it in front of my desk saying "No longer in that past". Looking at it several times a day helped a lot, now it's easier for me to come back to the present.
Might need a tattoo on somewhere I can see often so it really sticks :cautious:

 

[Tinyflame]

I’ve talked before about how it seems as if my brain thinks I’m too stupid to live, and keeps throwing more and more, harder and harder things at me, faster and faster; the less I listen/change/stop whatever it is going on in my life that is echoing the past. I’ve never actually been able to change what’s going on in my life in the present, that has woken up the past, so IDFK what would happen if I were able to

Idk, but I think the only way to stop it is to realize it is the past. Acknowledge it. Our subconscious pushes to the top what we won't acknowledge.

 

[Rani G2]

And for some things, the only way I can handle myself is to simply stay quite and not react. Sometimes it works, sometimes I'm reactive and then see it.

This is extremely extremely hard... yes... we all know that. I wake up and a voice says „people Don’t respect you, think you are weak and stupid“. I feel angry and sad.. then suddenly another voice says, well you are very special no one can break you and you are the smartest... this again is trying to repair that feeling of weakness. It’s always black and white. Always feeling threatened... my T has given some tools like, imagining the circle with my parts, breathing, visualization. But it’s still hell of a lot of work. What helps you to step out of that bubble? Ah maybe you already have said...

I feel it takes too long and I am a bit frustrated

 

[ladee]

@PURUSHA , will answer this in my diary.

 

[Rani G2]

Thanks @ladee