Does anybody else obsess with their trauma?

[Hooper]

I'm working on that. When I first did EMDR I finally made a connection between my wife's rapist and my own mother. When she tried to put the father of her own children in jail where I knew rape occurred (don't know how at 10-12 I knew that) I saw her as somewhat of an accessory to rape. The attempt to take away my Dad added to that anger. I was taught respect and I never questioned my Mom or Dad until my late 30's. Now I know in the next 5 years my parents will be gone based on their current health and if they are not gone there existence would be worse than death. I can't cure my past but I can accept it. I've come to the conclusion families are dysfunctional period. My grandfather on my father's side had 5 brothers who lived on a farm with a railroad track a 1/4 mile behind their house. Every single one jumped on that train and ran away by 15. Life was not good there. I know my mom's father was very ill. He became a doctor when his life expectance was at best 30 due to rheumatic fever putting a hole in his heart. He knocked up my grandmother when she was 17 and he was 20. My grandfather dedicated his life to all the people that were his patients at the expense of his family while my grandmother knew she was soon to be a widow. He lived to be 44 but my point is neither parent grew up in good conditions. My mom had money but nothing from her parents. She was raised by her 2nd mother Lola. She was her black maid in the 40's until now and was probably the only mother she had. I'm rambling but I've come to the conclusion my "own stuff" is a product of parents who had their own stuff. I as well was raised by a black mother from 1969 through adulthood. My first mother "Viola" was fired by my mom for tearing up knives opening cans when the can opener broke. My 2nd mother "Ada Bee" died around 2006. When my own mother passes no where near the tears will be shed as when I lost my first 2. I know I have my issues but the years have passed and I'm at peace with the failures of my own parents. I'm raising 2 boys and right or wrong am parenting in a style of what not to do mixed with what to do I learned from my black mothers in the late 60's forward. I'm white on the outside but my positive parenting is black. I feel like I'm hijacking your thread but my point is not only do people obsess over their traumas but people obsess over other peoples traumas. Working on my own for some reason is easier to deal with than working on someone else's even thought they have dealt with it albeit with 25 years vs 2. My intent on posting here is I might do someone else some good and in the process help someone else. I hope you have gotten as much out of me as I have you and the others that have posted. I wish you the best.

 

[MyWillow]

I obsess over the fact that I haven't experienced any trauma but apparently I have all the signs!

 

[hithere]

Yes, I obsess over my trauma daily for hours on end, for going on 12 months now. I rarely get a break from it. I keep trying to work out the details. It doesn't help that my therapist is cold and uncaring. I'm lost it seems. I force myself to do things outside of trauma. Yet here I am, on myptsd website. still obsessing

 

[Scarlet13]

Have you considered finding a trauma focused T?

 

[Deleted member 8714]

I used to obsess over my trauma. It was all I lived and breathed for too many years. During that time, there were no trauma Ts so the focus of therapy was different than my current T who is a trauma T. I no longer obsess over my trauma. I've got more of a life though I want even more of one. I'm hoping for that someday.