Does Gender Of Therapist Matter?

[Harry Osborn]

Historically, I've had a preference around female therapists (never felt comfortable around males, I have no idea why, until my adult years). Presently, I wouldn't care, the only preference I have is that my therapist is not a f**ing idiot (you'd think this would be a simple request, but evidently not).

In your case, it seems to me like you view all males as possibly hostile and seek shelter in feminine figures because you believe them incapable of causing harm the way males would cause harm to you. I grew up with a verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive mother who is petite and 5'2'' and to this day I am still terrified of her, The sound of her voice can make my heartbeat race, and the simple knowledge of her consciousness makes me really on edge (which is why I am awake when she is asleep). My father also indulged in physical abuse--like trying to get my brother to kill me with a pair of scissors: implausible, perhaps, but not to a 5 year old brain, but his physical violence was more so towards my brother, and extremely rarely (because we almost never saw him when we were kids--haven't seen him for almost 11 years, now).My point in saying that was that people of both genders can be good or bad people, and that it isn't exactly fair to blanket one or the other. Some of the most nurturing people I have met have been males (usually teachers), and some of the ones who have hurt me deeply have also been males. Ditto for females. People are people.

Anyway, they will absolutely consider your preferences when arranging you with a therapist, and I would personally advise you to stick to a female therapist for the time being, but to talk about *why* you are uneasy with male therapists. That should probably be one of the main goals of your future therapy, since blanketing an entire portion of a given profession's population isn't exactly logical or fair (I sympathize with you deeply, but logic has to win in the end),

Much luck.

 

[silkleaves]

I prefer a female T... Years ago when I had to go to therapy, one of my T's was a male, and right off the bat I was like, no way am I telling this guy anything. I'm sure he was a nice guy, but I did not feel comfortable with him at all, I shut down, and then told him off and stormed out, like I did with all the T's I went though at that time.

When I was in group, we were all Military Sexual Trauma folks, and all of us, men and women, had been assaulted by men, so we all did feel more comfortable with having female T's leading the group...just felt less threatening that way. But even then, even though I knew that the guys in my group went through a similar experience as me, I still wasn't all too comfortable opening up in front of them.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I have had a lot of therapists and prefer a female. I prefer a male psychiatrist and it works for me.

 

[Chosen]

I've had two T's for regular therapy (one of each gender), and tested out multiple others (don't remember exact representation)...I prefer working with men. Mostly I look for father figures, and my current T is awesome for that. I just need to have a strong, caring male in my life...he's helped me so much...I'm not so afraid/uncomfortable around men anymore. I also know he'll be totally honest and I can ask him questions about what it's like to be a guy and stuff. It helps.

 

[ghotiff]

@atl22 after reading your posts I would like to make an off topic comment.

Be careful to push yourself only the right amount. Some people need to consciously push and others need to consciously hold back. I pushed myself too much initially when I started therapy, it was a mistake. I am now deliberately making sure I go slow.

Please feel free to ignore my comment, I may have misread you.