General Does Intimacy Return?

[Ursa]

Hello Lostboy,

I do also have this kind of problem that your wife is going through. I don't take meds and so I cannot tell how much would that work to amplify this problem.

In my case, even masturbation hurts (yes, it hurts even if I am all by myself!:wall:). But I am trying to work through this, for me and for my husband also. There are some books out there that can help, I am particularly using the book "the courage to heal" as some sort of guide.

First and most important point. To change this situation she needs to be the one to make the decision and work through this. Maybe as a first step, you could have a conversation with her to see if she wants to work to have her sexuality back and give her your support.

In my case, I have not ever though about giving up on this. I feel less of a woman if I don't own my sexuality. I have a really hard time to listen to my body and I am trying to work through it. It can go from silly things such as going to the bathroom at the time I need instead of hold, to concentrate into the feelings of a self-massage. Believe it or not, there are times that I simply cannot feel my own hand toughing my body from the belly bottom down. The first time I did this consciously it was very scary... can you imagine touch your feet and not feeling it? Do you see how much somebody can be affected sexually by this lack of self awareness?

The other thing I have been doing is trying to touch myself gently in sexual ways to increase my own acceptance to the touch. This is hard to do and I have been even trying some sex toys and sexual arousal gels as tools to help me to rediscover myself. When I do this, some days I feel nothing other than pain, then I stop. At other times I do feel the arousal and then I have a great time with my husband.:smile: This in itself is a victory, because without this I could stay months without any sexual contact with him.

My husband has been helping me with respect and support. It does not matter what we are doing, He always stops if I ask to. He always let me know that he would stop if I ask, no matter what. The other thing he has been doing to support me is telling me what he is going to do before actually doing it and going slow on his touches.

In my journey, I feel like I am in the beginning of the road but I decided that I would not stop without traveling through it. One step at a time.

I know I am not even close to overcome this problem. Although I am not there yet, I think with some hard work this can become just a past memory. I hope my experience has helped you in some way.

 

[amethist]

I know many on this site have problems with intamcy due sexual abuse of some form and it is hard fo them to get back wha they have lost because of this.

For all that have lost it due to other reasons, i.e Depression, the meds they are taking or just the damn ptsd thing itself, yes it can and does return as i found out last night , i just had to wait for him to have the confidence to try again. Oh it was worth the wait.

Just have patience and understanding whatever the reasons for loosing what is special.

best wishes

Amethist

Ps no sniggering anyone lol

 

[fin]

Amethist I would not laugh at you dropping your mouse and having to retype what you have written -although I don't know sometimes what I would do if that was me when I look at what I type here, it is often hard enough just typing it once without trying to do it a second time. I apprecaite that you do write and keep going like you do. thankyou from me.

And it was so very good to read your great news here -and no snickering from this corner of the world here anyhow, I think it is lovely- congratulations to the both of you.

And Ursa it was really good and interesting to read of your experience and advice, thankyou for that from me.

This has been a really good and very interesting thread thankyou lost boy for starting it here, I hope that you have found it helpful some too.

~fin