Relationship Does My Boyfriend Have Ptsd? Please Help

[binks123]

I am new to this forum but have read a few posts on here. I started seeing a man last year we have only been dating a few months, at first it was a brilliant relationship we got close really quickly and soon started to fall for each other.

I should explain my boyfriend is ex military and as a result of an accident 10 years ago he is in a wheelchair, when we first met he told me as a result of this people have seriously taken advantage of him and women especially have used him then thrown him away and said they can't deal with the wheelchair.

I love him and want to be with him but since just before the Christmas period he lost an old military friend and said he needed space from me, as he doesn't like being round people when he gets like that. I gave him space but reassured him that I was here for him, I get sporadic text messages in the middle of the night telling me he is a cripple and a burden, and I should go and find a real man. When I see him he says he loves me and does want to be with me, but doesn't want to be a burden. I tell him that he isn't and how much I want to be with him, and the next time he does it again.

He has started ignoring my calls but then will message me saying he will always love me but I should find someone else. It has got worse and I don't know how to handle it for the best.

Do people think he has PTSD and if so what is the best way for me to deal with it should I give him space and hope in time he comes round, or do I answer his "cries for help" in the form of late night text messages that he sends and stick with him?

I really don't know what to do but need to know what to do

Thanks

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[SeekingSerenity]

I don't believe that I have enough experience to tell you if he does or doesn't have PTSD, and I think even a therapist would need a lot more info before being able to make a positive diagnosis. But what I can see is that there is definitely something amiss with your boyfriend, and something needs to be done.

Sorry I can't be of more help, maybe ask him out straight if he has been diagnosed?

 

[wife of]

Or maybe not ask him straightout. I would imagine that anyone confined to a chair would have some issues with grief wether they have ptsd or not. Quite frankly to ask if if he has ptsd just based on the fact that he is ex military and has obviously been through a tough time will feel to him like being asked if a female has PMT.

If he has just lost a friend he will of course be grieving for that also,It might be more tactful to suggest that you are worried that some of his thinking may be caused by this and open up a conversation by asking if he would consider grief counselling.

No one on this site will be able to tell you If he has ptsd but it deffinatly wont harm for you to have a good read around and take a good look at the symptomology.

Sue.;)

 

[binks123]

Thank you so much to both of you for your responses they were really helpful, a friend suggested that may be what is wrong and as i have no experience and don't know much about the condition i thought i would ask. Thank you again its much appreciated

 

[BigBear]

Talk to him! Talking shows that you care.

It is pretty normal for someone with PTSD to think that they are the cause of all of the world's problems and also to push the ones that love them most away.

As I said, talk to him about what he is up against. If he isn't in counciling, he needs to be. Whether he has PTSD or not, his mind is not in a healthy place!

Bear

 

[binks123]

Thanks Bear, he said today that he should be on his own, I asked if he wanted to be with me he just kept repeating it, when I asked why he just said "because I should" he said he loves me to bits and can't fault the way I've been with him but he said he doesn't deserve to be happy and should be alone. I agree that he should have some professional help

 

[BigBear]

So there's the thing that you can do for him. Encourage him to find a professional. Offer to help if you feel its appropriate. Let him set the rules, but only as seem safe for him and you. He needs consistency and safety to build back faith in people again.

This is really only a tiny part of things, so take my words very limitedlty...

Bear

 

[celia]

I'm trying to figure out how to erase some things out of my inbox so we can talk .. Hang in there .. I saw that you tried to reach me

 

[amethist]

@celia

You just have to click on the "Leave Conversation", which will empty the messages you don't want from your in box.

 

[celia]

Thanks Got it. Thank you!!