KaffeinatedKatie
New Here
I understand that it really doesn't matter, because obviously what happened (repeated physical abuse and emotional abuse) was traumatic enough for me to develop the symptoms of PTSD. I am asking anyway out of mostly curiosity (and, to be honest, maybe a bit of a sense of validation that I am not just weak) rather than because I think it will help my actual course of treatment. The DSM-5, which is the diagnostic manual used in American psychology, says this:
I haven't been able to find much info on how "serious injury" is defined, but I do not think that the physical abuse I experienced qualifies. I think the thing that makes it traumatic for me is that it was repeated, day in and day out. For a long time I did not see it as physical abuse, because to me it was very clearly my fault, and everyone around me felt the same. I had severe social anxiety as a child and refused to go to school every morning. My mom, who I love very much and I believe was stressed to the breaking point, would pull me as hard as she could while I clung onto bed posts, rails, etc. There were sometimes marks and small bruises, but not anything major. The worst was the hair pulling. She would pull my hair to try to get me to relent and let go. It was very hard and it would sometimes hurt for the rest of the day, and sometimes days after. Sometimes it was hard to brush. It also became very damaged looking. That said, my scalp never bled and I don't think it was ever very bruised. She didn't usually pull any hair out, and if she did it was accidentally I'm sure. On rare occasions she ripped my clothes or left finger nail marks that stayed on my arms/legs for the rest of the day. She would slap me in the face as well, although actually that was something she did from when I was little, before the school refusal started. She would also yell/scream and say things like "Look at you, you're pathetic" when I was holding my arms over my head bracing for her to pull my hair. Also things like "No wonder you have no friends," and "You disgust me," and "Why can't you just me normal?" On rare occasions she told me she hated me, but to be fair I was no angel and I did say that to her all the time, which I always felt incredibly guilty about, even as I was saying it. (One time when I told her I hated her, she splashed a glass of orange juice in my face.) I also cussed and yelled at her a lot, particularly when all this was going on in the mornings. I sometimes imagined hitting her back, but I never did.
At a certain point, I think I began to dissociate a bit from the abuse. I would pretend that I was in a play or a movie, and I would just wait for the scene to be over. This made it a lot easier to bare, and I think my lack of reaction made my mom push harder and harder.
Anyway, I understand that my question is kind of pointless, but I couldn't help but ask it. I know that it isn't helpful to identify myself as a "victim" or by the fact that I do or don't have PTSD. But I still can't help but wonder about whether what I experienced "counts" as trauma. I'm not quite ready to ask T this yet, because we are just beginning to scratch the surface of my childhood trauma and the impact it is having on my adult life.
I haven't been able to find much info on how "serious injury" is defined, but I do not think that the physical abuse I experienced qualifies. I think the thing that makes it traumatic for me is that it was repeated, day in and day out. For a long time I did not see it as physical abuse, because to me it was very clearly my fault, and everyone around me felt the same. I had severe social anxiety as a child and refused to go to school every morning. My mom, who I love very much and I believe was stressed to the breaking point, would pull me as hard as she could while I clung onto bed posts, rails, etc. There were sometimes marks and small bruises, but not anything major. The worst was the hair pulling. She would pull my hair to try to get me to relent and let go. It was very hard and it would sometimes hurt for the rest of the day, and sometimes days after. Sometimes it was hard to brush. It also became very damaged looking. That said, my scalp never bled and I don't think it was ever very bruised. She didn't usually pull any hair out, and if she did it was accidentally I'm sure. On rare occasions she ripped my clothes or left finger nail marks that stayed on my arms/legs for the rest of the day. She would slap me in the face as well, although actually that was something she did from when I was little, before the school refusal started. She would also yell/scream and say things like "Look at you, you're pathetic" when I was holding my arms over my head bracing for her to pull my hair. Also things like "No wonder you have no friends," and "You disgust me," and "Why can't you just me normal?" On rare occasions she told me she hated me, but to be fair I was no angel and I did say that to her all the time, which I always felt incredibly guilty about, even as I was saying it. (One time when I told her I hated her, she splashed a glass of orange juice in my face.) I also cussed and yelled at her a lot, particularly when all this was going on in the mornings. I sometimes imagined hitting her back, but I never did.
At a certain point, I think I began to dissociate a bit from the abuse. I would pretend that I was in a play or a movie, and I would just wait for the scene to be over. This made it a lot easier to bare, and I think my lack of reaction made my mom push harder and harder.
Anyway, I understand that my question is kind of pointless, but I couldn't help but ask it. I know that it isn't helpful to identify myself as a "victim" or by the fact that I do or don't have PTSD. But I still can't help but wonder about whether what I experienced "counts" as trauma. I'm not quite ready to ask T this yet, because we are just beginning to scratch the surface of my childhood trauma and the impact it is having on my adult life.
