Does Participation Get Easier?

[Tiger Kitten]

I have been trying to participate in the forums a little bit more. I find that I often spend a lot of time thinking of something to reply only to end up deleting the post and feeling that nothing I have to say is of any value. I think this is because I have a really bad problem right now of believing that since I am worthless that anything I offer anyone is worthless so therefore the effort I make is not worth anything to anyone else.

I just wonder if it gets easier to just participate more. I am thinking that if it becomes like second nature to add what I can add to things that it won't cause so much anxiety. I know it is my current out of control PTSD that is really causing the anxiety. It's very difficult to hit the reply button though. I have no trouble writing what I think I can add.

I just wonder if it gets easier?

 

[Robin]

I also battle with this, and I think that the answer to that is maybe different for all of us. I see that some people on the forum have no (it seems that way anyway) problem participating, and I have such admiration for that. I think the best is to participate when you feel ready, and only give when you can. And in time with us working on stuff things will get easier!!

So I guess my short answer is ... yes! ;)

 

[CCurry]

I can't answer your question about getting easier but like I said in my other post to you what you said to me was really helpful. You have an insight that is really benefical to me, as a carer with someone who is still not stable yet I'm trying to muddle my way through this and understand as much as I can.

Thanks for your great comments!

C.

 

[anni]

Yes. It sounds extremelyyyy silly to say given the fact that I post most days but I think most people have that problem. I do. When I first joined just a few months ago people sounded so comfortable and WISE, or like they belonged here and I did not. Everyone is different in reactions, but when I joined ( and still...) am so TIRED of my avoidance symptom that I was really angry with it and so made myself POST things I was thinking. It sucked too, because I'd be certain noone could care less what I had to say, or didn't wish me to be here, or I'd said something stupid. I still hate to see that mine is the last post because you always feel like you're the one who killed the thread. :) That isn't true, of course- when they've been around for a bit they tend to get less and less posts sometimes but as PTSD people we internalize and personlize everything! We feel worthless and not worthy of being heard.

The moderators will also give one infractions for really bad rambling, etc. It's only a way to keep the subject very clear and easy to read so don't take that personally, either. I had some and it's only because my paragraphs were annoyingly full of run-on subjects!

Post what you think or what feels ok to you. It's lots easier for me now, and is helpful as a way to relate to others with this rotten PTSD thing. If you find you just can't post, browsing is always good! :) You are more than worth being heard.

Hope to hear from you soon, if you can!

Take care,

Anni

 

[Tiger Kitten]

Thank you all for your input. I appreciate it a lot. I have a lot of experience dealing with my PTSD, but I am so used to doing it alone and I get so fragile that I totally isolate which leads to making it harder for me to recover. I am sure you all will get so tired of me posting when I climb back out of my pit. I know me.

This is one thing that drives me crazy about PTSD. The way that communicating causes so much anxiety. I know I just need to be patient and work through it.... again. People who know me are always telling me how confident I am. They just don't see me when the stupid PTSD gets out of control. Blah stupid PTSD. All I can say is just gotta keep on working on it.

Tiger

 

[anni]

I don't know how helpful this is, but sometimes when I'm being what I consider ridiculously afflicted with anxiety/fear/avoidance I yell at 'it'. I know I sound like a crazy woman if anyone heard, but it helps, I swear! :) . If I'm even logged on here and feeling hesitant about saying something I'll bully myself and just flat out yell "Oh for God's sake STOP it!". It usually works but even if it doesn't it will at least make me laugh to sound so silly. Like- BAD PTSD! Get DOWN, like it's a dog. :)

It's really, really normal to refer to it as "blah stupid PTSD". I couldn't have said it better.

Youll be ok. You're working really hard!

Anni

 

[Tiger Kitten]

Lol, I so want to yell DOWN PTSD BAD PTSD. That made me chuckle just thinking about it. Unfortunately I would probably trigger myself. *rolls eyes*. but I can think it :)

I know everything is gonna be alright. I keep telling myself that to reassure myself. Sometimes I don't believe myself but I keep on telling myself. (And yes I do talk to myself and answer myself. Sometimes it's the only way to get an intelligent conversation around here.)

Tiger

 

[tryintobreathe]

Tiger,

I know for myself, it was hard at first to post. I would type, then backspace and delete, type, backspace, delete...on and on sometimes for hours. I was my own worst critic! In time though, it has gotten so much easier. I have found that the people here are all so wonderful and they aren't here to judge my posts. I try to help other people, especially to welcome the new people which in turn helps me probably more than it helps them. I hope that helped! LOL

Jen

 

[Grainne]

Hey Tiger - I can join this club also! :) I think I did about 100 dry-runs before I finally posted for the first time, and then it took me ages to not feel like I was intruding when I posted in someone's thread. From my experience, yes, it does get easier.

xo Best to you,
Grainne

 

[Lionheart]

I was nervous about posting at first too and I still am to some degree, but it has gotten much easier. The members here have been polite, supportive, helpful and encouraging and I think you will find it to be the same for you as well. We all suffer from PTSD here or care about someone who does,...(or both). My suggestion to you would be to just be yourself.

Thanks for the thread,
LH