Does this sound like derealization?

[CoalStars]

I experience the world in 3 ways.

World 1: I experience this maybe 20% to 30% of the time. It's an unreal world. Everything feels like a dream. Nothing seems to have consequence, and time is a tangled web of seemingly unrelated events.

World 2: I experience this most of the time. things feel okay. I don't think about if the world is real or not. If I stop to think about it, though, things still feel strange. I wonder if I am dreaming, but perhaps it's a normal amount of wondering. Things do feel pretty normal during these times.

World 3: I experience this a few days a month. everything feels so real. Everything makes sense. I look at the grass, and I see all the concepts of grass: I see how it's part of the carbon cycle and how it's part of the food chain and I see if it's natural or if it's purchased sod. I look at the clouds and they look so real. The wind feels real. When I read complicated topics, like research articles discussing competing theories about my favorite areas of science, everything I read makes SENSE. I can absorb knowledge like a sponge and remember it perfectly later (a good time to study for finals!). I can make my own theories and then consult with leading scientists, and my theories match! I can learn almost anything. I feel so clever and smart and wonderful during these times. but I'm worried--is this a good thing? It almost sounds similar to a manic episode, or something else Ive heard of (hyperrealization, or something).

Which of these is "normal?" Which should I strive for? Which isn't dissociation/derealization? Are they all derealization, just different forms?

 

[Swift]

Um, I don't know if I'm in any way right and I'm totally untrained, but:
World 1 seems like derealization.
World 2 seems pretty okay, I think that @sounds not particularly derealized.

World 3 sounds...
Look, I get a bit like that too soqqme times. It feels like all of the answers are there and everything I do clicks into place, and the mysteries of the universe are nothing, really.
It sounds a bit hypomanic to me. When I'm like that, it is another form of derealizing or whatever the technical term is. It feels like I'm making so many abstract connections. I feel almost transcendent from my problems, because they pale against the vastness of the universe. (Sounds totally overdramatic when I say it like that, but that's how it feels.)
I don't have bipolar or BPD or anything, just CPTSD and MDD.
I tend to shoot for probably world 2a, where I'm not just going through the motions and I have flashes of inspiration and awe and clarity, but I don't feel like the best thing since Einstein. I've written a few of my 'theories' from world 3 down, and they seem to miss obvious problems when I'm in world 2 and they aren't nearly as clever as I thought they were.

 

[CoalStars]

It feels very much like that! Problems pale in comparison to the universe, everything makes sense, all that stuff.

But I do check on my 'hypomania'-y theories when I've, eh, "calmed down?" They're actually correct. I remember reading about RNA and DNA and wondering which came first, and suddenly World 3 appeared. Everything i had read suddenly came into place, and I realized that RNA must have come first, but if it really had come first, there would have to be enzymatic RNA. Sure enough, I looked it up and enzymatic RNA (ribozymes) exist, and they did indeed allow RNA to exist first. (At least that's what modern science believes most of the time). I'd come to understand the origins of life in World 3.

Everything I can see, and all the concepts that click together in World 3, feel like what you described. They feel too good to be true. They feel like they're probably just hypomania nonsense. But then, my theories are right, or I finally understand my biochemistry homework, or some vague subatomic principle makes sense (can you tell I like science haha!). I'm very worried that world 3 is a nonsensical world where everything is a false world that pretends to be real. And yet, my world 3, hypomania-y ideas always always turn out right. Am I just getting lucky in world 3? Or is that bright, beautiful, world actually reality?

 

[Sweetleaf]

I would agree that world 1 sounds like derealization. World 2 sounds about normal. It is normal to have existential thoughts sometimes, especially if you're into thinking about things like that. Another thing - I have a lot of derealization happen, myself - I think being in that state often enough can make you have that "wondering if you're dreaming" feeling, during times when you're not very derealized.

Look, I get a bit like that too soqqme times. It feels like all of the answers are there and everything I do clicks into place, and the mysteries of the universe are nothing, really.

I was like this during my psychotic episode. Also for a time during the recovery from that. Your description reminded me of it too, @CoalStars. That's another thing I really don't want happening again. It hasn't been very long since I freed myself from my abuser, in fact yesterday was the 4 month mark - so I don't know whether I'll ever get "manic" like that again. I think (and frequently tell myself) that the psychosis itself was purely caused by the trauma, and isn't something I could have happen under normal circumstances. But, the manic state itself, I have no idea.

It kind of makes me feel scared when I start to get really creative with my instruments, and start coming up with a bunch of song ideas. I think to myself "f*ck what if this is all just trash, and I am being manic or something, thinking it's any good?"

It's hard, because it's pretty natural to listen to your own material, later, and go "oh, that's shit!" or at least, it's something that happens often enough to normal people.

Am I just getting lucky in world 3?

Basically, yeah. It could also be an artifact of your more elevated general state, meaning that you have more desire/drive to do things such as try to learn, and you're not fully detached from reality, so naturally you wind up learning some things and being correct.

Considering nobody can unlock some hidden potential or whatever, anything that -feels- like that, has to be fake. You can be correct, during that state, and you can also interpret things such that you're correct, or appear to be. I feel kind of like manic states are a sort of slippery slope to delusion, but my only experience with the kind of state you guys are describing occurred during/after psychosis. That said, that kind of state drove my delusions forward and increased their complexity, and removal from reality.

This thread has actually been kinda hard to read, for me. Just triggers those fear feelings, those creeped out and spooked feelings, that anything I associate with psychosis brings.