General Does this sound like PTSD, please help

[ruskin]

Dear Friends
I’m posting on here as I am concerned for my wife. Now she had a ptsd diagnosis nearly 4 years ago and received some CBT for around 7 months, perhaps around once a week, but not all weeks.

A very brief history of my wife would be she was sadly sexually abused under the age of 7 and endured mental and physical abuse to a degree all her life up to the age of 24 approx when she left her family home.

We have been married 9 years and it has been a volatile marriage to say the least.

Now I guess my question here is, could there be more here than PTSD (or Cptsd?) I have my suspicions but understandably I cannot know for sure and my wife refuses to see a doctor, she would rather break up with me than see a doctor, and in fact that is what has happened.

I’ll list some typical behaviours below and if someone was able to pass comment like yes this sounds like ptsd or cptsd or if you think there may be more at play, please feel free to pass comment, help me understand.

History of unstable romantic relationships (all of them – just 2 inc me)
Unstable family relationships – mother sisters – generally anyone close
Unstable friendships – hard to make friends
Unstable work history
Black and white thinking – nothing in between
Has at times had suicidal thoughts and heard voices
As young adult tried to make mother happy by overeating as mother perceived her to be too thin
Family history of mental illness poss undiagnosed bipolar mother, and diagnosed bipolar sister

Would do hunger strikes in protest of mother and husband (after disagreements)
Use of silent treatment for up to months with husband and been told years with mother
Generally gruff demeanor, not able really say hello goodbye please thank you or sorry
Extreme mood swings
Rages and long lasting anger
Paranoid thinking
Disassociates
Terrible jealousy over husbands mother and sister – they went from being all good to all bad
Tries to separate me from family and friends
Uses Blackmail to manipulate
Has a list of easily identifiable triggers, yet is unaware fully of them
Has at times exhibited signs of potentially psychosis
Verbally abusive and manipulative
Physically violent, throws things in rage
Stubborn
Inflexibility in decision making
A range of ocd behaviours
Strong dislike of being alone or quiet places
Appears to mirror – throws back things at me which I may have said to her
Could be 3 distingusihable personalities (im not sure on this however)
Some destructive behaviours but luckily no cutting or worse)
Sends abusive texts
Continual blaming – never responsible for self
Unable to express love, except in very rare circumstances
Unable to have sex

Now there is quite a lot there and that is not all but what I could remember easily of the top of my head.

So again, the question was could this all be explained by ptsd or could there be more at play. My wife is not in treatment at the moment but the bulk of these behaviours are current

Any views would be helpful
Thank you kindly
Ruskin

 

[Kubash16]

I’m not a doctor, or anywhere near it so take anything I say with a grain of salt. The beginning of your list I was like yup that’s me (CPTSD) but as I got further down she’s almost sounding borderline which would make sense since borderline and CPTSD have similar causes. I wish I knew how to help you get her to a doctor because they’re the only ones who can tell you and based on the list she’s not regulated at all.

 

[somerandomguy]

Hi, I'm sorry you both are going through this. Unfortunately, there is nobody here who is qualified to diagnose your wife.

The things you describe sound very abusive to me, and you should not be putting up with that. PTSD or bipolar or any mental or neurological condition is no excuse for abusive behavior. Since your wife refuses help, you should be looking for ways to protect yourself. Are you currently safe? If you are being abused, you need to make sure you are safe.

 

[ruskin]

I’m not a doctor, or anywhere near it so take anything I say with a grain of salt. The beginning of your list I was like yup that’s me (CPTSD) but as I got further down she’s almost sounding borderline which would make sense since borderline and CPTSD have similar causes. I wish I knew how to help you get her to a doctor because they’re the only ones who can tell you and based on the list she’s not regulated at all.

Thank you Kubash,
your words do help and lead me to think i am not over reacting to the behaviour
Thanks
Ruskin

Hi, I'm sorry you both are going through this. Unfortunately, there is nobody here who is qualified to diagnose your wife.

The things you describe sound very abusive to me, and you should not be putting up with that. PTSD or bipolar or any mental or neurological condition is no excuse for abusive behavior. Since your wife refuses help, you should be looking for ways to protect yourself. Are you currently safe? If you are being abused, you need to make sure you are safe.

Cheers Somerandomguy

I guess i had been hoping for someone to say yeah that sounds like ptsd or no that is not like ptsd. Ref abuse thats the way i see it now, i am in fact now moved out of the house somewhere safe, sad but true. Feel like i have been through a battle a war but the most safe in years
thanks

 

[Kubash16]

The problem with us doing that though is PTSD (and many other issues/illnesses) can manifest in so many different ways for different people and there is a lot of symptom overlap.

 

[ruskin]

The problem with us doing that though is PTSD (and many other issues/illnesses) can manifest in so many different ways for different people and there is a lot of symptom overlap.

thanks, appreciated
all the best, Ruskin

 

[EveHarrington]

Why do you desire to be with someone so abusive?

 

[Phoenix(not)]

What you describe does rather sound more like BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) than PTSD. I had a very dear friend with BPD and when she had (what I called) her "wobbilies", I told myself "it is her disorder talking and not her". I did this because at all other times she has been the only person I have had such a deep and profound emotional "connection" with. She would never acknowledge her explosive temper and was always in denial. I can empathise and understand why you seek to understand her.

When I read your description, there was no mention of "exaggerated startle response". This is a core symptom of PTSD (as was explained to me). But I am no psychologist, so just a layperson. Perhaps you can go to Wikipedia and look up both disorders as it is a good source for reference? I hope this helps.

 

[Justmehere]

It does sound like considerably more than PTSD alone, and I agree with the possibility of BPD. That seems fairly likely. You don’t actually mention much that suggests her primary struggle is PTSD. She likely does have that, but a lot else is going on as well.

That being said, the fact that you are even suspecting extended family of mental illness too and trying to diagnose them, and list things like possible psychosis, OCD, suggesting various personalities, eating disorder behaviors - she could be severely mentally unwell with a handful of major clinical disorders. It also could be that she is a manipulative jerk and it’s time to figure out how to get untangled from all her manipulation and for you to focus on taking care of you now.

 

[ruskin]

Why do you desire to be with someone so abusive?

Good point, ultimately i don't, tbh did not see it clearly, things got worse teh last few months and i started having to look for answers..... thanks

 

[ruskin]

What you describe does rather sound more like BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder) than PTSD. I had a very dear friend with BPD and when she had (what I called) her "wobbilies", I told myself "it is her disorder talking and not her". I did this because at all other times she has been the only person I have had such a deep and profound emotional "connection" with. She would never acknowledge her explosive temper and was always in denial. I can empathise and understand why you seek to understand her.

When I read your description, there was no mention of "exaggerated startle response". This is a core symptom of PTSD (as was explained to me). But I am no psychologist, so just a layperson. Perhaps you can go to Wikipedia and look up both disorders as it is a good source for reference? I hope this helps.

Thank you Phoenix, i will look up "exaggerated startle response" thats a new term to me. I have to be honest my suspicion is with BPD. Can't remember if i mentioned in the orig post but i am now out of the relationship, told to leave our home after trying to get her to agree to getting help....

thanks for your time and words

 

[TTC18]

the most safe in years

Good.... My suggestion is to get some support for your own mental health - what you've been through is a lot to recover from.