Poll Does Your Family Neglect You Emotionally?

[shimmerz]

I'm not anyone else's responsibility, so how can they neglect me?

You would be amazed in a dysfunctional family. I have no idea how people think this kind of crap up.

My sister (not adopted) has deemed me as 'not part of the family'. She told all relatives that I do not want anything to do with the family - that I have my REAL family. My sister has been trying to ditch me from the day I was adopted.

My Aunt, years ago asks how my Dad is doing. I have never spoken to her about my birth father. My Dad has been dead for years. I re-iterate that my DAD is her brother, not my birth father. She was lovely about it. This aunt knew what my sister was up to and made certain that I knew if anyone in the family was ill (as my sister would not tell me and being the oldest people would contact her). Since this Aunt's passing, I have missed 3 deathbeds and 5 funerals without being able to show my respects....

Neglect and abuse. Scapegoating and gaslighting can happen, imho in adult relationships as well. It is a sick and entrenched pattern.

 

[Knak]

yes but abusive when I butt in so I ended it. Loss of the fantasy of what I wanted still hurts but I don't have to think about them anymore.

 

[Anniebananie]

I'm in a conundrum because it was my mom and brother who had me committed. Mom left the next day without visiting, my brother visited once (they came down from Portland). We barely talk about it and what happened to me there haunts me every day. I haven't told them much details, they don't ask. I've given up getting the kind of support I need from anyone in my family. They were definitely MIA when I became homeless.

 

[Friday]

Neglect and abuse. Scapegoating and gaslighting can happen, imho in adult relationships as well. It is a sick and entrenched pattern.

Abuse I can see, absolutely. Also assholes & personality conflicts, where there's no abuse present, just people being people...

But neglect? To my mind neglect requires helplessness/dependency along with an associated duty of care. I can neglect my child. I cannot neglect my aunt, my neighbor, my mailman, or anyone else I'm not directly responsible for. & therefore vice versa. There's absolutely nothing that I need anyone else can withhold from me. Things I might want? Sure. But not need. Because it was never on them to supply it. Never their responsibility. Anything I do get from people, as an adult, is a bonus.

You would be amazed in a dysfunctional family. I have no idea how people think this kind of crap up.

I don't know if amazed is the right word. I was in an abusive marriage for over a decade. That was pretty dang dysfunctional. As have all the years been since the divorce.

And still have to deal with my former in laws (who are abusive as f*ck, and need to be nuked from orbit) until my kiddo is old enough to have zip zero nada zilch to do with them (and pray he chooses that route, but will cross swords with them as often as I have to until if/when he ever does choose to nuke them off his personal map of the world). As well as my son's step family... Who are... Not on my list of favorite people. I don't know -yet- whether they're abusive or just f*cking morons. Hopefully I'll never have to find out. That whole thing, from abusive ex, to evil inlaws, to idiot stepfamily... Is just one great big giant clusterf*ck.

Just because I come from a normal family, doesn't mean that I've never lived abuse & dysfunction. Nor does normal mean perfect. ;)

 

[shimmerz]

But neglect?

Yes.... brain is crossing wires lately, so appreciate this distinction. Things that seem obvious (like simple wording) seem to go right over my head these days. Still working this one out..... Neglect? Abuse? Coming from where I have been the past few years, to me it is a fine line but I can see what you are saying. This may be helpful to me as I start coming out of the fog.

until my kiddo is old enough to have zip zero nada zilch to do with them (and pray he chooses that route, but will cross swords with them as often as I have to until if/when he ever does choose to nuke them off his personal map of the world)

Yes, I completely understand this and am following your son's story and wishing you all the best for this; for him in the future. From my experiences with my children (adults), having watched them having to traverse the slippery slope of gaslighting, brainwashing, trauma bonding, mother sucking dysfunctional family, it has not been quite as black and white a fight as I would have liked. I almost lost my sanity in the battle and am sitting in the corner of the ring right now.. planning my next move. I am no good to anyone if I allow them to drive me nuts.

I wish for better for you and your son. Thank you Friday and I hope that your move has been an easy one.

 

[Knak]

I'm in a conundrum because it was my mom and brother who had me committed. Mom left the next day wi...

That is a heart wrenching situation.

I don't know if any of what I say relates or will come to your mind in the future as you straighten things out in your head.

I had a complete breakdown at age 22 and was hospitalized 3 times. It took 12 years to begin to overcome it. Now I know it was due to the neglect, emotional abuse, and violence growing up. My body finally took control and quit allowing the lies that my brain made up to protect me. I couldn't function in the outside world with those false beliefs and then things happened that finally made me fall apart.

Because of the violence and neglect of our parents, I took charge as the child who protected and loved the younger ones and still felt that as an adult, so I didn't understand their rejection when we went our seperate ways.

After both parents died my siblings would get together without telling me. Once I was invited to a family reunion and I literally freaked out because past family gatherings included drinking, fighting, and me being invisible. I had to play the role of a stupid, worthless, useless follower.

I tried to make a joke and suggested making plans for activities to avoid being trapped. The response was rage and accusation of belittling those involved, and furor that I was taking control of someone else's party. I was told that I shouldn't come if I didn't like it, so I didn't go.

My rare suggestions to do something together were openly treated as a conflict of their interest.

Now I know I am the scapegoat of the family. I was a "truth-teller" and they needed to stay in a protective bubble. However I need to understand things to overcome overwhelming confusion. I also expressed negative feelings but didn't realize the family rule was to keep them to myself and ignore what affected me.

I didn't like being careful to only be nice or being a preoccupied nervous wreck anticipating sending Christmas and birthday cards, and acting like everything was normal in any communication, knowing anything I said could be attacked at any moment.

One sibling alternated generosity with groundless verbal abuse; one never said why, but quit talking to me; the other abused me throughout life so I never sought her out.

Last November I told them I was going to stop communicating due to the amount of bad feelings. I was surprised it led to a deep depression that lasted months. I think it was because I had to give up the belief there was any love. I am still grieving the loss, finally realizing I did not have a normal or loving family, and finally accepting that belief was false hope.

I never expect to understand, so I am waiting for the pain to pass and look for healthier people to be my examples.

 

[Heather]

Yes, everyday of my life.....now getting it from friends too.

 

[Anniebananie]

That is a heart wrenching situation.

I don't know if any of what I say relates or will come to your mind i...

Thank you so much for sharing your story. Just knowing that you understand and acknowledge that this situation is heart wrenching helps so much. I spend so much mind-time second guessing my reaction to things...I must be over reacting, I'm too emotional, everyone else in my situation would be fine, etc...

You are grieving the death of your family. Now it's time to get some chosen family! I have a neighbor that I share everything with. Just one person, and I don't even know her THAT well (met her when I moved in in Jan) and it helps me tremendously.

 

[Marie E.]

Not anymore but they sure as hell used to be!! :mad:

 

[mary1979]

Emotionally neglected by family.....

Hmm.

None of them present emotionally themselves, mother and father particularly, so I've never felt neglected as such.
It is what it is, we deliver of ourselves what we can.

I dont think I've ever expected my parentals to be there for me emotionally, probably never wanted it either
With the kind of crap that must go on in their warped minds id be an idiot to want anything of them aha

Partners? Yeah I have a high expectation of them to deliver emotionally, perhaps unseasonably so....

Aaaannd... Thats when the fight started aha

 

[family neglect]

This is a simple poll with a yes or no answer. However, please feel free to discuss why or how they...

Yes this was Interesting I just came out of surgery and then admitted to hospital for complications, I sent a message advising my family of this and I didn't even get a phone call m, I had to ring them even then my brother spoke to me for less than 2 mins and was more concerned with himself and my mother hung up on me. I don't bother with them but still hurts and yes I feel the lack of support especially when I need it. Lucky I now have supportive partner and friends. This has been all my life so I don't know why I expected anything different this time.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

update, my husband died three years ago and i now live alone and in a much better place and it is very thought provoking that as an adult I cannot be emotionally neglected as that is job of the parents and grandparents in my opionion and I alone am responsible to meet my own emotional needs. Still in process over this one.