Domestic Violence Or Religious Abuse?

[OKRADLAK]

I am reading a story about a lady who has PTSD. She has a handicap that made her vulnerable. Well, a "wandering minister" who was 26 years older than her worked on her, and told her that God said they ought to marry. Of course, when married she was horribly abused. The book is making me sick to read.

She refers to her abuse as marital, but I see it as religious abuse from a sick twisted religious control freak who worked on a vulnerable person. I know one is not worse than the other. Marital violence has as much PTSD as combat from the stats I have read.

I don't know why the distinction is bothering me. One of my abusers did like to tell me God hated me while abusing me. I guess I am being triggered.

It just bothers me that she honored that F*cker by saying he was her husband. He was a disgusting sh*t, not a spouse. Some of the famous ministers have abused their family and they keep calling it domestic violence. I think it's religious terrorism.

What do you all think?

 

[AngelaMarie]

This subject is a big stresser for me. The situation that finally broke up my marriage had to do with religion. He used it for years to control me and say that if I didn't do what he said that I was causing him to sin. It was my responsibility to do what he wanted, etc. etc. So, I can understand why this bothers you.

The other night I had a dream I was locked in a log cabin and had all the blinds down. I was upset because someone opened the blinds and I opened the door and LOTS of mormon missionaries were walking down the street. WTH? So, obviously I have a problem with this subject.

It isn't against a certain religion or idealogy because I believe everyone has the right to do what they want in their lives. My problem has always been that it seems that once some people have their beliefs they feel compelled to try and change me. The pressure has been overwhelming in my life by those kind of individuals. I respect others, so I don't understand why others would use it as an excuse to abuse me.

 

[mamachick]

I know domestic violence well, and I agree, it is a religious terrorism. I worked with victims of domestic violence for 12 years and know it well. My 18 year old daughter was seduced by a mormon and his family and now does not even speak t me and my other daughters-I know she is not allowed. I fear for her every day as this is religious terrorism and that I was not prepared for. I could better help her if she were addicted to crack, and frankly, I think her chances of survival would be much better. I miss her so much-she is 21 now-it has been 3 years without a word and now she has a baby and I only hear things through the grape vine. I know it sounds sick, but I had to take her pictures down because it was too painful. I worried and talked about her until it interfered with every other relationship-so now I just pretend she does not exist just so I can survive. There is nothing so painful as to loosing a child to a so called religion-mormons, while she attempts to please these freaks, like by wearing their sacred underwear with hopes of getting into a celstial heaven. Where only men go to the alter with their child during baptism, with a brother instead of mother. This is very sick

 

[OKRADLAK]

That is totally sick. A friend of mine went into that same thing and she harassed me for a long time to join. When I refused she told me how horrible I was . It did not bother me because I was not about to join!

I am very sorry that you are enduring such a thing!!! ((((((BRAT))))))

You never know.....she may come out of it one day. That may be a long shot, but I hope she does and comes straight to you to let you know she is OK!

 

[Srain]

I think the term "religious terrorism" is very accurate. I've had my own run ins and do agree. ((((((((Brat)))))))), I understand your need to handle the situation with your daughter that way, some times you have to put them in a special box in your heart and shut the door in order to survive, my heart truly goes out to you with complete understanding and prayers.

It's interesting how when my ex had beaten so badly and had that knife at my neck, already slicing into my skin, the weirdest thing he said as I was so sure he was going kill me, with no emotion at all, "God must really love you." Then he just let go of my hair and walked away.

Rain

 

[Tinyflame]

I don't know what to say Rain except Thank (real) God.
xoxox

 

[OKRADLAK]

(((((SRAIN)))))

That is terrible and I am glad he did walk away. And he was right on one account, God does love you if he is there!

 

[mamachick]

Srain-I am so glad that he had a change of heart and a guardian angel was with you.

Thank you both OKRADLAK and Srain for your words of kindness. I keep hope in my heart.

 

[mamachick]

My daughter has a learning disability. She appears to be Asbergers but she is not. She is attention deficit and has a central auditory processing disability or (non verbal disability). I knew something was wrong and tried to get an accurate diagnosis since age 6. The first examiner knew something but it was not clear and told us to have her retested in 2 yrs and what to watch for and how to handle it. I had her tested every 2 years through high school before she was diagnosed accurately.

I never wanted her to feel like a different so we did not make a big deal of things. Parenting her required patience of Jobe. She was totally disorganized, had difficulty communicating or knowing what things were important to communicate, took longer than normal for tasks, had no concept of time, etc. She was also only 85 lbs as a senior in high school. (always small for her age). Of my three daughters, she was the most affectionate, the most compassionate and caring of others, and she was the baby. Patience came easy.

My husband began doing her homework for her in middle school because he did not want to see her fail. I wanted him to stop so that the teachers could report her abilities accurately. Long and short, my husband and I seperated because of this. (obviously it was much more) Soon the magnitude of the problem became evident. Finally a psychiatrist sent her to a specialist who made the diagnosis. She was a sophmore in high school by now.

This made her very mad at me. The school put her on a special plan to she could complete the work. She could do honor classes but just could not do it in the time alloted. She could do college math-but not the number of problems for homework or she would be there til 1 am. At school, she had to meet once a week with the ld teacher and had a study hall where she could get help with homework. One symptom was that she did not do well in groups and better one on one socializing. By now she got a boyfreind that took over where her dad left off. This was her first boyfriend. He was clearly odd-but so is my daughter. I was a bit blind because I knew she was happy with him and tried to overlook some things. I wanted my daughter to be happy and have friends.

His parents were taking her to mormon church and telling her that she could live with them as soon as she turned 18. They evidently began turning my rules in to abuses. Getting her out of bed at 2 pm was called abuse, making her come home was abuse, expecting her to be home for dinner was abuse. She was so confused and sleep deprived, I piced up the house phone and overheard discussion of dual suicide. that I had no choice but to have her admitted to psych. (she was 18 and ready to graduate in a month-but behind in all of her work because the mormon kept her on the phone all night.)

The boys mother worked at the hospital and broke confidentiality and gave the code to her son to call my daughter. The nurse called me and asked if my husband had talked to her because staff suspected she was having contact with the boyfriend. They could only keep her about 4 days. When she got out, she has rejected any strong women in our family. She in completely under the control of this family. Its like my baby is brainwashed. I have had no contact in three years. She lives 10 minutes away. I hope she is safe and happy. If anyone reads this and has better connections with God than I have-please say a prayer for her and her baby. Thank you

 

[sea]

The distinction is bothersome because no matter what people like to say or believe, the Human brain is hardwired for religion. It's a method of self-monitoring in the purest scientific sense (think about it, how well is a person going to behave if they subconsciously believe someone is watching them at all times? It does affect our morality on a global social level) all the way up to a connection with any God you choose in the spiritual sense (it gives us "meaning", "purpose", "higher power", etc whatever you want).

Atheist or not, everybody has had thoughts about God or gods or whatever else, even involuntarily. It's abuse on one of the most basic primitive levels. Religion isn't some massive complexive thing, it's basic, and primitive. It's like eating and sleeping. Since the dawn of time Humans have looked above because that is what we are programmed to do. Critical thinking and intelligence gives us those who analyze and debate and etc but even still, they might be loathe to admit it, they still think the same thoughts, they just reject them.

A crisis of faith is more than just whether or not someone starts or stops believing in any deity, it has to do with their whole spectrum of moral evaluation. How to behave, what is appropriate, what is right or wrong. When I was a kid my father believed I was possessed by a demon, up to the point where he even attempted to - while drugged out of his mind - "exorcise" the "thing" out of me. It has f*cked me up on so many levels it's unbelievable, and downright psychotic. It screws up your core.

 

[OKRADLAK]

Sea----that is very scary. How old were you? Yes, it does screw you up! I got all screwed up with it on a different level, but I have been trying to go back. I kinda miss it and so started to go to church again. It's hard!

 

[sea]

I was around 13-14 at the time I believe.

There were a lot of religious overtones involved for me since I can remember. I have always been told god hates me, I am going to hell, I am a sinner, I am evil, etc. I need to endure punishment because of it, and so on. Needless to say I am not very religious, though that a lot to do with why as I feel like religion wouldn't accept me, mostly it is personal choice as I just don't believe in it much. I remember when I was about 18 or 19 one Christmas, going to mass in a Catholic church, just to go to that mass and see what was going on. The sense of community there was very nice, the people were nice, it was like you could fit in and not be noticed. I still was very afraid that something would happen, that fear was very, very real to me.

After growing up with the concept that God literally hated me, personally, I felt like if I entered "God's house" I would be struck down or punished or damned to hell or in some way noticed, you know. I now realize that is crap thinking but it is difficult to train something like that out of a person I think if it has been told to them since birth. I haven't been back since. I think if it is something important to you, you should definitely try to get back into it. I can see where religion and church would have a beneficial effect, though as with any gathering of people there are bound to be flaws, all in all I think the church is well-intentioned at heart.

I have surprisingly very little bad to say about it as I think the flaws with the church are basically the same flaws which encompass any large gatherings of groups of people which are the group mentality and so on which is probably a better conduit for abuse in general, but otherwise they are no worse or better than any well intentioned group of people. I say go for it if it is something that is special or important to you, as I think religion can be healing just like it can be hurtful. I guess it is dependent on how it is approached or utilized I imagine.