Done everything but IOP / ECT

[Friday]

Has anyone actually gone far enough with PTSD to push it into remission?

Yep. For a little over 10 years I thought I “had” PTSD, past tense.

Over 90% of people with PTSD become asymptomatic. Usually forever. Some with flare ups. The stats? Are insanely in your favor. The teeny tiny narrow end (of which I am apparently a part of, having relapsed a few times into full blown symptoms & long term symptoms)? STILL gets decades symptom free, or near as makes no nevermind, as life is amazing, symptoms worked around.

There is a trauma focused program but it is a 1hr+ drive and I think it’s between 9-12 or 1-4pm so really not possible with work

Maybe I’m rationalizing but these things would derail the career I once cared deeply about.

Man oh man… I drove or took the train 5 hours -each way- for regular trauma therapy. Because that’s where I found a badass provider.

Get creative.

Use FMLA, if in the US. Or a sabbatical. Or rehab. Or, or, or.

1. It’s you’re health.
2. It’s your life.
3. If you kill yourself your career is completely fucked.

Find the best options for you… and then make them happen.

 

[beansj]

background checks in my field are intense and “mental stability” is a huge deciding factor in these official checks. Yes, showing you’re actively getting treated can bolster your case, but I’m running into a few mental blocks

1) unofficially, the stigma at the office is very negative. Two months ago a boss made a stupid decision and almost got me killed in a pro-Palestine rally. She lied about it, and then to politically protect herself in case I ever brought it up, she told senior management I was having a mental breakdown. Immediately insulated from many aspects of work, probably a few secret investigations ongoing with me now, and to top it off the company gave her an award for “always caring about the safety of her employees”

2) most of my trauma now stems from provider neglect. I spent 11 months on antidepressants that unequivocally destroyed me, but no one listened. TMS unequivocally made me worse, and they don’t believe me because “90% of patients have depression remission” (I know this is a misrepresentation based on my own research). And then ketamine gave me amnesia and they just kicked me loose - I should have died because I didn’t even know what red lights were for 3 weeks. Then my trauma specialist was pushing me to experiment with bipolar drugs despite no diagnosis, at the same time I couldn’t find a psychiatrist willing to treat me because I was “beyond their skill level”

3) I don’t really understand what will help me. IOP is at least not going to risk my brain like ECT. I also can’t think clearly enough to advocate for myself so to dive in head first again is likely to land me in over my head.

Yea, all of this pales in comparison to outright dying, but I do think without a doubt I’d be in a better place right now if I didn’t start the spiral of failed treatment 4 years ago.

I’m surprised that you have data that shows PTSD remission rates are so high. I can’t remember if I’ve researched it, but my major depression comes with very grim statistics. Now that I’ve had dozens of major depressive episodes for 21 years, the likelihood for recovery is extremely slim.

Long term remission from MDD, I found after a lot of digging, is correlated to a strong support network. I’ve tried only to experience deeper betrayals. Now I wonder if it’s “depression goes away, therefore you can have friends” instead of “you have friends, therefore depression stays at bay”.

Very confused by all this. Understanding my brain not working from flashback, alcohol, and lack of sleep doesn’t magically make it work again

 

[Friday]

background checks in my field are intense

I feel that. I paid cash for every therapy appt. under a different name, for just that reason.

I file it under “sort your shit”. Personal. Private. No one else’s business.

 

[whiteraven]

I could afford to take year(s) off work, but again, this would derail my career and while it may be great for my mental health it would be maladaptive over all. It would be different perhaps if I had anything else going in life.

I had these exact worries years ago. It's likely not going to get better on its own. In fact, if you don't get the intense help you say you need for your mental health, your career will be down the toilet. The absolute best thing for me was quitting my job (which I thought I was going to do for the rest of my life) and re-evaluating my future. For me, that could have been continuing in the same field, but I opted to get out of it. So very glad I did, as I am much healthier now.

3. If you kill yourself your career is completely fucked.

Yeah, this.

 

[beansj]

As bad as it is, I feel like if I had friends and a support network I wouldn’t need to do this. Maybe the root cause is my job and quitting will fix it.

But my therapist after 17 months (who also somewhat traumatized me by saying this) told me that quitting my toxic job wouldn’t help me, because my negativity will just follow me wherever I go.

It’s this behavior that finally got me to do TMS, because the psychiatrists were looking to cash in on me too, and that made me even worse and they kicked me loose.

Suffice it to say, going to an IOP or anywhere opens me up to a whole bunch of risks. If those risks are realized, I pay the price and me alone. I could’ve sued the ketamine clinic, but I couldn’t function so it didn’t happen.

Anyways, just important for me to make sure I commit to the correct path because at this point it could be the last one - can’t really survive another case of neglect at that caliber.

I’ll call the trauma focused IOP tomorrow.

Purpose of the above wasn’t just to vent/whine. Any thoughts or contingency plans always appreciated.