Don't Hold Back Or Keep Secrets In Therapy

[Jade-]

I think it important that it be noted that 'speaking out' involves life as well & not just therapy.

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I agree with that. But it's also important to understand our motives in speaking out. The secret I told my T.,for example, if I told people in my life, it would be disastrous for me. It might make me feel better temporarily, but in the long run, it would only make everything worse. There would be no need or benefit in telling it to anyone other than my T. or to confront anyone involved, other than to get revenge and hurt others. I agree we need to be truthful with ourselves, but it's not always necessary to be truthful with everyone else.

 

[Srain]

I understand your profound question, "How do you put screams in a box?"
You don't, you gently put your traumas and screams into the caring hands of those who want to help you heal.
Deer

Deer, I think this is an awesome way of putting it, thank you for sharing.I hope you don't mind if I use it and share it with others.

Jadebear, I finally shared a 'secret' I didn't really think it was an issue, just something that happen as a child. I had a twisted idea for years I was at fault and that I had actually learned from it. Really thought I was not effected by it so I never bothered to address it in therapy. I knew better but it was so ingrained that even after years of therapy it never occurred to me to be an issue!!! Until one day I kept mulling over what could I have missed:??? Oh wait! First came the questioning of 'why' did I never mention it? Odd that I hadn't even mentioned it, to ANYONE! That's not like me. Then I pulled on the threat and looky here a whole mess of a story never told.

:You are so right, one piece of the puzzle could be huge. You should be very proud of yourself for dealing with this and sharing about it is very important. Great job!

 

[Jade-]

Srain....I'm glad you too shared a secret that you didn't really think was an issue. Sometimes that one thing links it all together and changes the whole ballgame.

 

[Jade-]

Another therapy session tomorrow. I feel ready to talk and work on my issues.

I have been making a list of things I want to discuss before I go in each week, it just makes things easier. My T. thinks that's a good thing to do too instead of sitting there not knowing what to say.

But, I just finished my list. I think I got carried away because it's 18 pages long. I didn't even know I had that many things on my mind, but evidently I do.

Should I give him the list? Or is that just a tad bit 'out there'? The title of this thread is 'don't hold back or keep secrets in therapy'...so I shouldn't hold back, right?

 

[Nicolette]

My advice would be to give your T a copy of the list and then you decide which and how many of the items listed on the page you deal with at a session. I think the 18 pages would give your T a great insight and be helpful for him/her.

Have you thought about now sitting down and prioritizing or selecting which items you wish to discuss tomorrow.

I think it would be good for you to take the list each time and when you have dealt with something cross it off as a form of measurement of your own progress for yourself. Just an idea.

 

[Jade-]

Those are all actually good ideas Nicolette, thanks. I hadn't thought about giving him a copy and keeping one for myself and then choosing things from it each time.

I was deciding what I should discuss tomorrow and ended up making another, separate list that has a few pretty important issues that should be addressed first. So I now actually have 19 pages.....

when you have dealt with something cross it off as a form of measurement of your own progress for yourself.

That's a really good idea, I think I will do that. Thanks.

 

[Nicolette]

As you deal with more things Jadebear, you may find that if you sit down and analyze the now 19 pages, when you are feeling well, you might find a common thread or two which if worked upon can help you cross off more than one item at a time by dealing with a particular underlying issue which is causing multiple problems.

Sometimes you have to walk away and come back with fresh eyes and read your list as if it was someone else's to see if there are multiple things you can knock out at once. Look at it as if you were trying to help someone. Again only when feeling well and up to it.

 

[Wrknprgrss]

I have had a really hard time expressing myself in words so I have been drawing what is going on and then explaining my picture to my T as a sort of spring board into discussion about what's going on. A series I have started last week involves a locked box. The box has my secrets that I'm too afraid to share. I know that I need to. I know they are holding me down. But with these secrets ... I'm terrified of being judged and rejected ... I finally told my T. that the box exists. Even admitting to her that the secrets were there was hard ... I don't know how to "let them out"...