Don't Know What To Do.... Parents...

[Venusian]

I can feel my anxiety starting to ramp up, it has been building all day but my parents have just about put me over the top. I haven't been able to talk to them in the past few weeks and they have called only 3 times since last Saturday..(I checked my phone) and today when I didn't answer they called the police to come and check on me. This is after they talked to my daughter and she told them I had been sick. I am still trying to come to terms with the PTSD and how it affects me. I called them to let them know I was ok but angry they called the police for 3 missed calls and hung up on my mother when she just wanted to carry on the conversation like all was well. Now they are getting my aunts that I haven't talked to in over 20 years to "friend" me on facebook. I only use fb for my kids.

I have been trying to think of a way to talk to them about what happened to me when I was a child. I just haven't been able to do that yet, I am still trying to come to terms with that myself and preparing to make a police report. Repressed memories are still returning and I had a really bad one this morning and the phone call and then a police visit is just too much. I am just trying to keep myself calm and now I have to find a way to deal with this too. I don't know what to do.

What would have happened if I wasn't home when the police showed up at my door?

 

[Venusian]

I have been thinking about what had happened yesterday. I was so angry at my parents and I usually don't get angry. Yesterday was justified, they don't know yet about the PTSD and how bad it has been in the past few months. I may not have known what it was when I was growing up but I was just considered an introvert and quiet. I have never been a danger to myself, even now, I have gone months without talking to them and they called during regular workday hours when I would have been working if I hadn't been laid off a couple weeks ago, they didn't know that either.

I couldn't believe how much anger I felt, they called the police after 3 missed calls and yet when I was really in danger and hurting so badly and really needed them when I was a child, they did nothing. They didn't even notice I was gone. They didn't notice how badly I was hurt, they didn't notice how scared I was, they didn't question that I refused to go back to kindergarten. I was only 5 years old and they didn't notice I kept waking up crying with nightmares. Guess where the anger came from.

 

[Heather]

((((Venusian)))) Your feelings are certainly valid. Your parents weren't there when you were a child and needed them most. Now it almost feels like their concern is just a little too late.

I understand where you are coming from my family is the same way (especially my mother:rolleyes:).

I hope you find some comfort in knowing you are NOT alone.

Peace and healing.

Heather

 

[Powder]

Venusian,

Is your PTSD from what a different adult did or from your own parents' abuse? Or was is neglect on their part plus active abuse from elsewhere? I'm not sure what you meant above because you didn't come out and say what you think caused your PTSD.

It is normal to hide the truth of our traumas even from ourselves, for a lifetime even. So I do not judge you if that is what is happening. I accept it in others and in myself, as it is only natural and part of the avoidance of PTSD.

However, as many people on here have learned, it is only by coming to terms with the full emotions of our past that we heal. And almost everyone has pent up rage at how they felt they were treated as a child. We wish to follow the fifth commandment, to honor thy father and thy mother. We never ask if we were honored at all, or why we were dishonored regularly.

My father's mantra was "life isn't fair." He did everything in his power to prove that point. He also said "this, too, shall pass," which also is another deception. The emotional damage done to my spirit from his abuse does not pass at all. I will take it to my grave, not by choice, but by the laws of nature. I will never forget.

 

[Venusian]

(((Heather))) and (((Muse))) As hard as it is to admit when the circumstances that brought us here are so bad, it is nice to get the reminder that we aren't alone. I am sorry if my posts were so confusing, I was in a really confusing day on Friday and having 2 policemen pounding on your door in the middle of the day was not what I needed.

I was hurt by 2 strangers, one pulled me off the street and then he took me to someone else after he had nearly killed me. I could make a guess why they returned me to my school but I will never know. They weren't part of the school/church where the kindergarten class was held. He was just hanging around the neighbourhood and had talked to me a couple times before so I never thought of him as a stranger that morning he wanted to talk again and convinced me to get in the car. When I went into the church I tried to tell my teacher but she didn't want to listen and I didn't have the words, she just wanted to get everyone ready to go home. When I went home my parents never saw the pain I was in or if they did they never asked the right questions. The bruises on my neck were from wrestling with my brother, the sore throat was because I was coming down with something. I don't know what they thought the other injuries were from. The nightmares were from my younger sisters waking up like babies do at night and so on, everything had a reason. I don't know how long it was before I began to block the memory but it was so far from what was normal for me that I don't think it was very long. When no one listens to you at that age or assumes your injuries happened another way you quit talking. I know I did, I became a very quiet child. My childhood was far from ideal but there was no abuse like that in my family.

I am not sure exactly what was happening on Friday but it was partly high anxiety and partly new memory and flashbacks even prior to the police visit. I have never felt so angry at my parents before. I am still angry but I can't talk to them yet, not without getting angry on the phone and blurting out what I remember happened and then blaming them for not protecting me. I do blame them but I have to talk to them in a way that won't make it even worse.

 

[Heather]

I'm really sorry that happened to you as a child:(. I think you need to give yourself time to and space to calm down and regroup yourself.

Only you can know when you are ready to talk to them about this. Are you currently seeing a therapist? Because it sounds like this would be something that you could address in therapy. How to talk to your parents about this, how to deal with your feelings of anger etc. etc.

Hugs. Heather

 

[Venusian]

(((Heather))) ty. I had another thread going about making a police report and this thread has maybe started to over lap that one. I am still trying to calm myself down and writing here helps to get it out.

I am in therapy and I am also talking to a councilor with victim services trying to get the support I need in place for myself and my parents when/if I do talk to them. Once I make the report my parents will most likely be interviewed and they don't know what happened to me. There is also a probability that nothing will be done and my parents can live in an ignorant bliss that nothing like this had happened to one of their children. It's kind of ironic that they sent the police to MY door for simply ignoring a few phone calls when I am trying to decide if I need to send the police to THEIR door about a kidnapping that happened 40 years ago.

 

[Heather]

((((Venusian))))) I admire your strength and courage for facing this after all these years. Keep writing it out, I'm glad it helps you:).

I'm really glad you are seeing a counselor and getting help from victim services with this. You need all the support you can get right now. I'm here to keep listening too!

Lots of hugs.

 

[Powder]

Oh, I am so sorry this happened. I believe every word; this stuff is happening, and people just don't see it because we don't want to see the world we are in and how many sociopaths are in it. When I read your post, I feel fear that I will miss signs in other people based on the same biases. I think when you have kids, you read their symptoms as the ones you are used to seeing. Because you were hurting emotionally as well as physically, I think you (I, too) hoped somebody would notice. Later in life I realized we don't see big emotions all that well, even when we should. But I think that you were neglected in other more lasting ways that are feeding this anger from it in childhood. That is the case for me. Perhaps your anger has more feeding it.

I hope you find the irony a gateway to peace and greater sense of self understanding. (((HUGs Venusian)))

 

[Deleted member 12723]

Hi, I'm so sorry this happened to you as a child. What a terrifying situation. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this as an adult as well. I'm glad you survived it. I'm so sorry that your parents are doing home health checks on you. What a thing to have to stop to deal with on top of everything else/ Well you aren't alone. Your in good company here. It has to get better. I'm so sorry it takes so long. I don't have words of wisdom here, but it sounds like you need stronger boundries with your parents. Or do they steamroll over your boundries?

Here is hoping that today is a much better day for you.