Don't Know

[Gloww33]

I am sorting through my thoughts, thinking about things. I love my kido more than anything, I think once he gets married and I know he has completed college and financially okay, i think I am going to explore other options for myself. You know, they have death with dignity for incurable physical ailments, why can't they have them for incurable internal suffering? PTSD isn't curable, it is suffering. People do not rehabilitate. I have poured over the forums for some kind of light, some kind of something that says this gets better and it doesn't. I don't want to make things terrible for anyone, but if natural causes could be expedited I think that is what one could hope for, without the cause for too much concern or fuss......

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I don't know what to say much. I have come to suicidal thoughts and some deeds were prevented, but life just might be worth going on, for a single source of life light. I have more or less only one reason to live, and she helps me in the darkest moments of night.

Though PTSD is not curable, it's a rollercoaster, and a rollercoaster can stay at the top level for a bit, and sometimes goes down. I don't really have words to explain it, the reason why I live, the reason why I find some worth in living on, in fighting all the suffering. I really don't have right words. I try to live on for one day when I will be happy, when I will be free. Before your thought stands the question, is there any reason to live?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I'm not quite sure what you mean by this doesn't get better.

 

[Gloww33]

The question for me focuses around quality of life. So far, quality of life has been poor and I suffer from PTSD symptoms that aren't temporary, but permanent. I know of no cure, and so the level of suffering goes up and down, but never goes away. Ever. This isn't a matter of not wanting to live at all, have a lot to live for, but quality of life has a huge influence in decisions and I am not saying right now or doing something dramatic, drastic or upsetting to anyone, I am mulling around unsorted thoughts on quality of life and choosing how I want to live or not live with PTSD in the future.

 

[Gloww33]

It doesn't get any better. Meaning, living with PTSD does not get any better, you experience permanent symptoms and they fluctuate in intensity and come and go to different degrees and chips away at the quality of life.

 

[Caroline greenlaw]

I know how you feel, life feels like an exhausting endurance test, and after enduring and enduring there is still no prize or reprieve, so the sooner I get to the end of this existence called life, the sooner I get peace and rest,

 

[Gloww33]

You are right Caroline, exhausting

 

[Deleted member 28403]

Only thing is, when life ends, there is no joy to live for, there is nothing, you are just gone, never concious again.

 

[scout86]

What have you tried, in an effort to improve what your life is like?

 

[risingsun]

I believe in healing. Nothing is ever in a permanent state. The idea of things being permanent is just an illusion that we must not feed.

I think back on my depressive state when I was first traumatized and think, boy am I glad I am not as bad as I was. Sure, I have still have bouts of clincial depression but not like in the beginning. And I have faith that these bouts will one day subside.

I try to praise even the smallest of changes. Things always get better even if it doesn't seem like they do. As people, we sometimes forget where we once were and how better we are now.

If our whole journey is about change and growth, then we must flow with this river of life, rather than cling to the rocks in the river, give up, and say the river isn't moving.

Praise yourself for how far you've come, my friend, rather than how far you have to go. Believe in the power of healing. Instead of feeding the state of permanency (an illusion), feed a dream or passion that you have. You'd be surprised how shifting your focus can shift your very state of being.

My prayers are with you, Rising Sun.

 

[Nam]

PTSD is not curable. But it IS livable. You can live with it. Just like how the lows of PTSD can chip away at the "quality of life" so can good highs of life add to quality of life. Don't forget about those triumphs! The peaceful times. Eventually, you get better at coping. You understand what you can and can't do. Adapt and learn to live with your limitations but also try to stretch what you are capable of doing. You might be surprised what life brings.

 

[Deleted member 28403]

I live for the moment when I will be happy with the love of my life, when I will be away from the hell I live in, from all the torture that I have to go through daily. That is all I wish to be, Free, away from them, away from this city filled with people who know me, who remember me, who I wish I didn't know. I hate every single walk through this city, in fear of meeting someone I know, triggering another memory... I hate this city.