Don't Sneak Up On Me!

[Perdido]

This is one of the worst components of PTSD for me.

In college, my roommate would open the door abruptly to our apartment. It would startle me as if someone had just busted down the door, sparking a rush of adrenaline, a fast heartbeat, etc. He would laugh at my reaction. But it wasn't funny for me.

The same thing still happens today. Recently, a friend of mine honked at me while I was mowing the lawn. I just about jumped out of my skin. She laughed. I didn't, but I tried to play it off as if it wasn't a big deal.

It's an overreaction of the fight or flight reaction. I hate it. And when I read your message, I cried.

It makes me feel like a freak, like I'm going crazy. And it always takes a couple of minutes for my body to relax again.

This time of year, it's the fireworks. They remind me of the gun that killed my friend in my kitchen. The first firework shot always scares me. But my mind treats the second and the third firework blasts as new threats. They make my body flinch anew with each bang. I'm getting nervous even thinking about what's to come in the next few days. God, am I f&^ked up.

 

[Grama-Herc]

My Dear Perdido,

You are not f^*ked up! The fight or flight response is AS YOU STATED, part of this mess we have.

The intensity of the response depends on the depth of your trauma, at least in my humble opinion.

We react to regular stuff differently than most people. I consider us an "elite group of individuals" with a few weird quirks.

 

[Perdido]

Thx Grama-Herc - I've just been reeling lately and have a difficult time seeing through the fog of my condition.

I love that we're "an elite group of individuals" -- that's positive spin for sure. And in this moment, it makes me smile.

More broadly, I see PTSD as a curse and a gift. The curse part I see as the horrors of the condition. The gift is the ability to relate to others in a way that not many can.

Thanks for your message. It's kind of you to say I'm not absolutely loco. It's the way I feel often, but it doesn't define who I am. And one day, I'll break the back of PTSD and have all the perspective without the heavy baggage.

Saludos y suerte, yo soy muy perdido.

 

[sassy-snape]

My fist in swinging through the air and a scream/squeel ripped from my lips before i even realise what im doing.

My bf sometimes jumps from behind a door, i jumpd 6ft in the air, scream and hit/kick out at the same time. my bf learns to immediatly to jump back after now!

It just means i will have to get him good n proper when he doesnt expect it.

When i was working at a stables though and another worker jumped a bucket of water over me. The shock n suprise sent me into full attack mode and i kicked her repeatedly and snatched the bucket off her and wrapped it round her head before i realised what i had done.

 

[BethRSA]

My roommates at university loved sneaking up on me just to see the reaction. They even invited others from down the hall to watch their "game".

I would try to sleep early (11pm) since I had to get up at 5am to be at work at 6am. They would let me fall asleep while they had the light on, studying, typing, whatever. (Sharing a room with my sister helped me to sleep through almost anything.) Then, they wouldn't say anything, but just sneak up and touch me...As I screamed, my arms and legs would fly up and kick or hit them if they didn't jump back quick enough.

What a "game" for them! It usually took me at least an hour to calm down enough to go back to sleep and hope they wouldn't do it again.

 

[LoveWins]

I scream the house down when the toaster pops...if someone were to sneak up on me I suspect they'd get punched in the chops too!

 

[LoveWins]

My roommates at university loved sneaking up on me just to see the reaction. They even invited others from down the hall to watch their "game".

I would try to sleep early (11pm) since I had to get up at 5am to be at work at 6am. They would let me fall asleep while they had the light on, studying, typing, whatever. (Sharing a room with my sister helped me to sleep through almost anything.) Then, they wouldn't say anything, but just sneak up and touch me...As I screamed, my arms and legs would fly up and kick or hit them if they didn't jump back quick enough.

What a "game" for them! It usually took me at least an hour to calm down enough to go back to sleep and hope they wouldn't do it again.

Aw sorry to hear that Beth, thats awful. I'd have hated that pre PTSD but now it'd be torture

 

[BethRSA]

Thanks, Love Wins, it was terrible. I couldn't feel safe in my own room, my own bed.

I always thought that my PTSD started with the rape/miscarriage in 1998. That's all I've ever gone for counselling for, but I wonder...bits and pieces are coming back--not so dramatic as the rape, but my coping mechanisms have been in place a LONG time.

Sorry to get off topic of "Don't Sneak Up On Me!", but DON'T do it to me!